Prude

Penguins and Politics

2009-04-06T15:21:00.002+10:00

Recently I went to the Sydney Aquarium.

I went there and saw many wonders. I must say the dugongs are a brilliant. They is very peaceful large beings. And I is very impressed by seahorses. They has good posture. Even when swimming. Full marks.

However of course the main attraction was the penguins and I timed my visit so I was there for the Penguin Feed session.

It is a great study in animal survival instincts and also an interesting analogy in Party Room Politics in Australia.

For those of you who have not had the pleasure of seeing a Penguin Feed I highly recommend it. If you do not wish the plot to be spoiled for you, I suggest not reading further.

However, I will describe what happens as this: Penguins are doing as they usually do - toddling about and swimming in the pool, with glass window on side so audience can watch.

At Feed Time, Authorised Personnel enter the Penguin room, one with a clipboard to take notes and one with a bucket of fish to feed the penguins.

No, this is no dining table where penguins get to sit at a long candlelit dinner area and are given set portions, cutlery etc in entree, main and dessert servings.

So the penguins go to the fish man.

Some penguins quickly know it is fish time and are the first to get out of the water and walk over. They are fed quickly. Some work it out later but are still brisk. Some are slower to figure it out but are aggressive and fight for their place.

I noted two very aggressive penguins who were not the first to get up there but once there, maintained their stranglehold on front position, that's for sure.

And there was one poor penguin who was rather shy, he did not notice till later and then he toddled forward, did not want to be too aggressive and got put off even as he made his way to the front, every time there was a slightly aggressive penguin nearby he lost heart and toddled away.

I watched him.

He did not receive one single fish.

I nickname this penguin "Peter Costello Penguin" - the penguin who will have his fish only if served to him on a silver platter otherwise not at all. but he will not fight for it.

Late in the fight but aggressive, and keeping a stranglehold on front position for as long as possible was "John Howard Penguin"

Earlier on, fairly quick to trot, pushed out later by the aggressive but at least he got a nip was "Brendan Nelson Penguin".

By the way my guess is if Peter Costello Penguin acts like this every feed day he will die a very slow but sad and agonising death but the other penguins will be too busy swimming and eating fish to mourn him for very long.

Sad. I felt sorry for that penguin. I wish the Penguin Feed Time did not work that way but that is the way the system works.

Hundreds of Penguins Dead

2009-04-01T16:36:00.002+11:00

This article leave me cold. Hundreds of penguins dead and they cannot even find a reason qiuck so we cannot put in preventative measures to stop this terrible tragedy occurring ever again.

Human beings die sometimes in their flocks and we stop.

We wave flags and we make speeches.

I say we should be at least marking the deaths of the penguins similarly for they is role models and their deaths is a huge loss to our community and we shoudl take every measure we can to make sure it never happen again.

I myself wore a black veil and lit a little candle as a token.

This was a sad day. Such tragedy should not be repeated.

I is having horrible little dreams strewn with the bodies of penguins now. It is not good.

Equality in No Nudity

2009-01-07T21:14:00.004+11:00

Recently Mr Fred Nile came out to say that he is outraged at topless sunbathing and wishes that it be banned.

(personally I is not caring whether it is at the sun or at the beach or whatever, but I in principle agrees)

Some people sneered and said that if toplessness was to be banned then remember we would have to say men would have to cover up too.

That was EQUALITY.

I think this was supposed to shame advocates like me into swinging to letting boobies hang out, but I say - I think this is an excellent idea.

For too long have men strolled about baring chests. It is an unseemly habit and it is shameful. It is like saying, "look, my front pieces do not protrude so I can show them off. Nudity is ok if there is no bouncy bits". Which is just like saying that a female should be not wearing undies in public for she has no bouncy bits there, and of course would be completely immoral. The shock! The disgust!

I is not sure exactly which is worse, the no shirt at all look or that careless shirt on but open breezing look revealing all, which has a rebellious tone to it of "yes I has a shirt, I know of their existence but I is not going to button it up PEEKABOO! attitude" rather than the naked look which is just out there and to some extent may suggest someone who hasn't got the money to purchase a shirt or who has forgotten a shirt exists. Perhaps one could prod him with a stick (do not touch another's bare skin) and remind him that upper clothing has been invented.

Besides, bare chests and nudity is a health hazard:

1. Sunburn
2. You can get hot food spilled on them. If it is oily hot, ouch!
3. You brush against thorns on a tree, ouch!
4. You fall over, more likely to get scratched, etc
5. You has wobbly bits exposed, someone stares at you, they is not looking where they are going, they bump into something else, car crash.
6. If you is wearing no clothes you cannot be wearing your neon shirt which make it easy to see you at night when you is out walking. Very dangerous for late night strollers.
7. If you is not wearing shoes it is not good for your feet when jogging or walking or rock climbing. Bunions.

I thinks nude people could also be carelessly and unfairly driving up the cost of healthcare for everyone else. That is selfish. This is not generating a feeling of community which Prude endorses.

Cover up and be thoughtful to others!

Survivor Penguin!

2009-01-07T21:02:00.002+11:00

I has just seen a penguin video that I think would brighten up any good penguin fan's New Year amazingly, and wish to share.

Here we go:

Penguin escapes killer whales

Did you ever see such heroism?

Such breathtaking wonder?

I wonder why people employ some of these nobodies in Hollywood to go about toting guns and running about in obviously fake buildings with big explosives behind it (we all know it is just a computer effect peoples) when we can have real adrenalin pumping right here and this is for real and what is more the RIGHTEOUS PENGUIN is saved for the day.

Not that I advocate putting penguins in tanks full of sharks to replace badly made Hollywood pics.

No not one bit.

But when it happened and it is captured on film and the baddie loses it is infinitely better more value for the DVD than some silly big budget badly scripted car chase movie which have to involve a sleazy cop, a wisecracking black cop and a cold baddie with no personality and an unfathomable or convenient motive, and a machine gun that can fire fifty times at a good guy but never hit him.

I hopes.

Look out for the reassuring "All penguins survived and were awarded medals of bravery in the making of this film" tag in your next rental.

Allen Lane, We Salute You!

2008-09-02T21:58:00.003+10:00

How a penguin was chosen as a symbol for Penguin books ...

He also wanted a 'dignified but flippant' symbol for his new business. His secretary [Allen Lane, brainchild of Penguin books] suggested a Penguin and another employee was sent to London Zoo to make some sketches. Seventy years later Penguin is still one of the most recognizable brands in the world.

Definitely dignity!

Mr Jumbles say - good choice!

Arise, Sir Nils Olav

2008-08-19T17:52:00.003+10:00

I always wish to promote penguins.

But especially those who have shown their extra dignifiedness as an example to all aspiring penguins, and others who wish to adopt penguin culture as their own.

Therefore, I give to you Sir Nils Olav - a penguin of such nobility he have been knighted.

Honorary Colonel-in-Chief to the King's Guard in Norway!

We salute you!

The Point of Nuding

2008-07-14T15:37:00.002+10:00

These people is protesting that KFC chickens has only a small place to roam or not roam around in.

They is protesting by being nude in public.

Perhaps the question they is raising most should be not whether chickens should be released from cages but whether nudes who is in public should be caged up. Prancing about showing bits indeed! OK well not much prancing.

I think this is made blatantly obvious by this photo.

Oh and the fact they were taken by the police to the station in their cage. I am sure the police were very interested in such a morally depraved case as this.

Where to draw the Double Big Black Line

2008-07-08T17:42:00.005+10:00

I has already stated earlier that it is reprehensible that Henson has taken to flashing about nude pictures. Especially those for children. That girl has better put on clothes and Elmo had better get himself a dinner suit.

But then the art world has been at it again, creating a storm over another set of questionable photos, especially the one of the young girl on the front of a magazine of Arts Monthly Australia, published in protest against the Henson affair.

And as some prominent politicians has been pointing out, it is important to protest against such protests because then you can show off how you can be the tops protester, as Prude will show here today. I protest against this nude protest and if anyone comes back at me and do anything nude back I will protest back. Don't you dare flash your bare buttocks at me, I say in advance. I say it very strongly and loudly. That is not art. And even if it were it would stink.

It is also important to explain to otherwise why their values are wrong and yours is right, just like mine is right. I thinks Mr Rudd has been attempting to do a bit of that but he is not very convincing.

However I is not one to mincemeat words. I says loudly and clearly, that nude photos of young children is wrong. In fact nude pictures of anyone is wrong. In fact nudity itself should be avoided. I myself attempt to wear a garment in the shower even, revealing only smalls sections at a time for washing purposes and then close them off immediately. Of course the door to the bathroom is sealed. You should try it some time. It would do you the world of good to be more modest.

Less of such pictures:

And this is the most reprehensible - fully open public kissing naked with children! I do not know how the art world in anyway can justify such early sexuality. It is pornography, plain and simple:

How NOT to collect money from the public

2008-07-02T23:17:00.003+10:00

I is all for going out into the public to collect money for causes. I for one is a great charity collector for many causes.

For one I support Penguin Adoption.
Save the Penguins
Prudes against Sex
People against Crude Movies
The Making of Strong Chastity Belts with Encrypted Alarm Double Locking Safety
Penguin Dancing Classes
People against Drugs
Strawberry Cheesecake Appreciation Group (I have cravings, just like any other person)
People against Mankinis (this speak for itself)

And other worthy groups

However the way a person go about collecting their money speaks oceans about the person. It is one thing to rattle your tin. It is another to rattle your chastity belt. And it is another - and very unacceptable thing altogether - to rattle your whole body so much that your outer coverings fall off!

But it do not seem that everyone appreciate the difference

In a subway in Bucharest apparently some lady is doing a striptease and pole dancing - catching fellow travellers by surprise - and then after subjecting them to such an undignified show of her flesh and rolling about and twisting - gosh they did not ask for it - she actually have the audacity to thin they would pay her. She passes around a KFC container asking for cash (gosh a KFC container - this is also hitting tacky).

I beg you not to follow in this lady's footsteps - or dance steps.

When you think of charity collecting, do not think of poles. Do not think of nudity. Do not think of KFC.

Such thoughts only lead you off the path of righteousness. You would not be doing any of your causes a favour.

Mary Poppins Advances the Cause of the Penguin Dance

2008-06-17T19:19:00.004+10:00

I would like to direct young minds to the movie, Mary Poppins.

There is no need to watch the whole thing, though of course you may if you wish. I has watched it carefully and I has not found any sexy or bad language in it. So it is not too bad an influence on young minds.

Though of course I must warn you that when Bert and Mary and the Banks children are on the roofs they is covered in soot. Note that this is not a very goodly way to keep oneself, a good living person keeps oneself clean on the inside and out.

However, the important part to watch is the bit when Mary and Bert go on a "Jolly Holiday" inside the chalk painting, on a holiday in the painting. Then they dance their ways to a nice little tea house and outs come ...

YES!

You has got it. Penguins.

Little penguins who is happy to act as waiters, because penguins are thoughtful types, and "at your service" is their way of thinking.

What is more, to demonstrate their cheerfulness and gladsomeness, they do a dance, and what is better, Bert joins in.

He demonstrates to human beings that Penguin Dancing is not beyond us, if we give it a go.

Now I would not say Bert is the most elegant dancer I has ever seen, but at least he give it a go, and he try to penguin dance.

That is something we should all aspire to. Give Penguin dancing a go, like Bert!

I want a POMI!

2008-06-17T10:33:00.002+10:00

South Korean Researchers have unveiled POMI and it has nothing to do with the Brits.

This one have emotions, and interacts with humans!

Gosh I think it is a great.

What it is is a robotic penguin, but it apparently has all the senses, it can see feel touch and everything, even smell (where is my Prudey deodorant, I wish to make a good impression) and can meet and greet.

It has voice recognition technology. And I bet in its heart of heart-boxes it will recognise me and Mr Jumbles.

I need to rush in there and get one, and maybe an army of them, and convert them to Prudism quick before anyone has other ideas about twisting the brains of robotic penguins for bad uses. It would be immoral to do otherwise.

Besides, I'm sure Mr Jumbles would just like one for a friend! Not that Squawk has not been a friend of valour but friends ... you can do with a few more I is sure.

Stop the Pope!

2008-06-09T22:41:00.002+10:00

I has recently got a memo notifying me that World Youth Day, including Pope Benedict XVI's visit could drive up the market for brothels.

More Pope, more sex it seems. More Youth Day More sex. More Cathgolic Church celebration, more sex.

I is not sure why this is. It would not happen if it were a Penguin Parade, I assure you. I is not sure what it is about Catholics, Priests and crosses that has people running to the brothels. But it seem to have some correlation according to what i has been informed.

What do it mean? If this is true, it mean we must take precaution.

What can we do?

1) Stop the Pope! Kindly inform him he is a bad influence, his preference encourages the sex trade.
2) Have all those in the Pope's vicinity wear regulation chastity belts. They will not be allowed to be unlocked for three weeks after the Pope has left, just to make sure.
3) Collect all sex workers and put in a little sex zoo where they is not allowed to have any contact with the outside world for the duration of the Pope's visit.
Actually this idea could go on for longer than the Pope's visit. It could go on indefinitely. If they could be shot into outer space it would be excellent.

Immoral or Amoral?

2008-06-09T22:33:00.002+10:00

I was reading some writing by someone who had written about morality.

In fact the person wrote:

"Which is better, Immorality or Amorality?"

Immoral means to do the wong thing. The person is a person who follows the wrong thing all the time. They has low, base standards. They knows sex is bad and they decides to do it anyhows. That kind of creep. They realise everyone disapproves of chopping off heads and then they will run around lopping them off anyhow. And then they will probably chuckle too, just for pops.

Amoral is a person who has no standards. They has not had any guidance. These are the loose cannons. These people look at people who has heads chopped off and thinks "Oh gosh I do not see the problem is there a problem I do not understand perhaps I will do it too because I do not see there is a problem maybe I will join in perhaps."

They has sex because they does not know any better.

They does lots of things because they does not know any better or they does not care.

Immoral peoples care but they is defiant.

I kept thinking about this question:

"Which is better, Immorality or Amorality?"

Then I realised it is a trick:

There is no BETTER about it because BETTER implies GOODNESS and none is GOOD!

They is both BAD YUK.

Best avoid both.

Another Henson Photo

2008-05-27T22:58:00.002+10:00

Another column is abuzz with Henson outrage , yes it even show pics. Different pics from what were removed from the Bill Henson exhibition recently which was of a young teenage girl naked.

This selection still shows a young character and he is not wearing clothes. I think it is also shamefully aimed at young people and the dim lighting is meant to be suggesting erotica. I thinks we should be thinking long and hard about the implications on this on our society.

Simply because some creatures has fur and some does not have so much (different degrees of hairiness on different humans) well is that a reason that nudity is more or less moral on some critters than others? I ask you?

In fact some would say that certain hair on humans should be well covered up, the more hair the more cover please.

Birthday Suit Flight Cancelled

2008-05-26T22:40:00.002+10:00

What next?

Well actually it wil not happen next because it got cancelled and thank goodness for that.

But a German Flight company, OssiUrlaub.de, was offering its customers a nudist flight to a Baltic Sea Island .

If you ask me it do not matter where it were going it is still wrong. Though of course if it were to somewhere like Antarctica the nudists might not be solured. Nudists are exhibitionists, filthy exhibitionists but they is also human. they likes their comfort and they wishes to keep warm not have their skins shrivelled off. there is also the shrinkage factor and I thinks some men can be quite vain.

Anyhows it was to be cancelled. The rules were, clothes on the flight, then strip. I is not sure if the air hostesses were in their birthday suits too.

I thinks it is also a bit unsafe. I find those seatbelts hard to do up, they could get caught on some delicate bits.

And it do bring a whole new meaning to talking about the pilot in the cockpit.

I thinks it is very disgusting and it is best to have everyone robed up to avoid such things. Such innuendo. I suppose the only good bit is it may be more difficult to smuggle stuff like drugs into the Baltic Sea Island strapped to your body under your coat because you is not wearing any coat.

But then if you were a good person you would not be smuggling any drugs.

Or going naked on flights at all!

Porn by any other name still do not look like art

2008-05-26T22:27:00.003+10:00

I know I know.

I has heard you crying out for it.

"Prudey why has you not jumped ont he bandwagon with all the others and hopped up and down and got mad at this filthy exhibition by Bill Henson which show a young teenage girl in the ... well not in anything which is the scandalous bit?"

Well I can say I has been very satisfied to see that some moral peoples has been jumping up and down and doing their moral bit and calling this exhibition for what it is.

Child porn.

It is not art.

It is child porn.

Do not hide behind the word "art". I sees you is not giving the girl much to hide behind so why try a trick like hiding behind something yourself?

Fortunately the police has seized the pics and I am satisfied that charges will be laid and hopefully there wil be a public stoning. Or something like that. I do not see why some people can takes lots of pics of a young girl in the nuddy and then walk away unscathed. It is wrong. It matters not that she say she gave permission. She cannot know what she was thinking. Many Children's rights Activists have rightly pointed out that a girl may give permission now but later look back at her childhood with regret and think "Oh no I did a bad thing" and then that is not good that would scar her. I agree completely.

She will look back on her life and think it is wrong, just like many girls who have not lived Prude's way in their life may do so.

Of course if you had been living Prude's way in their teenage lives they would be looking back at their lives and saying hip hip hooray for me I was a good moral person no regrets.

So there is a big difference who should be able to say which is the best way to live as a teenager.

And that person should not be Bill Henson.

It is the person who can make decisions where the teenager would not have regrets of course.

I thinks you is knowing who we is talking about.

Now she's done it! And she'd do it again!

2008-05-11T23:05:00.002+10:00

A teacher says she would flaunt her naughty bits again.

It has come to a sad time in our society when a primary school teacher, a moral compass for our young minds, has not only NOT repented for flaunting her naughty bits once, but has said she will do it again.

I hopes this is not meant to be an arithmetic lesson and she is teaching the kiddies to count to ten. Flaunt one, Flaunt two and so on. I think the old use your fingers to teach or maybe counters on a string would work just fine. I is not going in for these modern sensationalist methods.

Furthermore she pose naked in a magazine Cleo with her husband talking about their sex lives.

Well that is the end. Little kiddies do not needs to know about sex. It is quite sufficient for them to learn about the Good Fairy Penguin who bestow upon you a little baby if youse wish for one very hard and is good. And then this also mean she encourage her husband to show his tiddlywinks too, and everyone know that a man's tiddlywinks is much more ... let us say SEEABLE than a lady's.

So it is even worse.

And then even endorsing that rag Cleo. And you think you has not breached an ethical code of conduct? I fear for you!

No it is not right at all. I for one would make sure children is never seeing nakedness. There ought to be a rule that when they prepares for a bath it ought to be a bubble one, they is to close their eyes when they is undressed, then you whisk them under the bubbles quick before they is allowed to open their eyes so they don't get a look. Preserve their innocence.

Oh and don't let this lady teacher persuade you otherwise. Would you rather your child be a believer or a streaker? A member of the Prude fold or a centrefold?

I knows you will choose wisely.

World Penguin Day - same day as ANZAC Day!

2008-04-28T01:58:00.001+10:00

I has been reliably informed that World Penguin Day occurs on or around each year, April 25th. Though some people celebrate it on Penguin Awareness Day in January 20th.

And in New Orleans they celebrated it on March 22nd, for some reason.

But most people celebrate it on April 25th.

Maybe there is some confusion and dissent because there are so many penguins around making their mark in the world? I hopes it settles down a bit, for if there is one thing Penguins advocate (as well as chastity and dignity) it is peace and harmony.

This is (April 25th), incidentally, the same day as ANZAC Day in Australia. So it is an EXTRASPECIAL DAY.

On ANZAC Day Australians observe a minute's silence for their troops, sometimes longer than that if they can think up lots of troops.

I would recommend perhaps also thinking about penguins and prudeness then.

Take some extra time, maybe five minutes if you wish so you have time to pay your respects to both the troops and to the Penguins, after all both is very important to Australians or should be. They has given us lots of culture. Who could forget Gallipoli, but then again who could forget Nicole Kidman in Happy Feet?

It is an important day for us all.

Lest we forget.

What did you do on World Penguin Day?

No Big Bazookas for Little Girls

2008-04-22T18:42:00.002+10:00

In NSW they is overhauling the rules so little girls cannot overhaul their breasts too soon.

High time I say.

They is trying to make rules so that teenage girls cannot get breast implants and other plastic surgery which many do to makes themselves look sexy. They wish to make sure they are older before they make the decision.

I think it is a good thing. Young girls now is too sex-obsessed, and if they is having big boobs, then it will get them into trouble and I is not talking about difficulty in walking down narrow corridors though that is a concern too. I means if you look on the link I provide too many men is going on about how women should be allowed to do it because they (the men) thinks it looks desirable. Men. All they is thinking about is their own eye candy. It is very selfish.

But what about the important issues, like the girl's virginity which is of course at stake if the girl become very hot looking and of course must be protected if she is to be a pure and moral and dignified creature?

In fact why wait just til they is 18?

18 is too provocative, they is still bait at 18.

Perhaps it should be made law that noone should be allowed breast enhancements til they is truly past it and even with big breasts they woulds not be alluring to anyone then your sex is not in danger.

For instance if you is dog ugly or you is old and wrinkly.

If you has got a certificate saying you is allowed a breast implant you is knowing you fall into this category and no one - well at least 99% of people is not lookiing at you with any sexual desire and wouldn't even if you had thouasnds of dollars of reconstruction.

Then you can do as you please.

It is an idea. I might present it to be tabled.

Purity Balls and Prudity Balls

2008-04-22T18:24:00.002+10:00

Now has you heard of the craze of the Purity Ball ? Apparently it is not new but I has only recently heard of it. Usually the words "purity" and "balls" don't sit too well together with me, but then I heard this was balls as in dance and Prudey here is all for dancing. So I investigated a little further.

Apparently it is a formal event held by God-loving folks where fathers take a pledge before God to protect daughters from impure things (i.e. protect her from SEX) and girls promise to remain virgins til marriage.

They also gets to dance a bit and I would say probably have fruity drinks.

There has been some criticism that it takes the power of sex away from the girls and makes it a man's property like the fathers, and then her husband's. Also it focus on sex a lot. But I guess this is the price you pay for virginity in this crazy world.

Many evangelical Christians is very much into it because it bring virginity back as an important issue, and also there is a lot of opportunity for dancing.

I would say for Prudey they is very important things.

However I read a bit more about this and a Good Weekend article said that stats on Purity Balls said heaps of girls after their Purity Ball had sex within 3 years!

88% had sex before they was married!

Now they might as well not have bothered! I thinks if you is making a promise you ought not just make it for a bit of the penguin bop and the promise of a fruity drink and a cupcake! That is MOST immoral.

People is just not serious today about their pledges. They has not got the willpower. And willpower is what really matters.

Myself, I would like to hold Prudity Balls. I would like to get together new recruits to pledge they would be true to Prude's Mission.

Chastity and Dignity and Kindness to Penguins!

However you has to be truly committed. None of this half-hearted I is there for the eatables stuff. No way.

Only Real Prudes need don their penguin suits and make their way to the ballroom floor!

These people read too much Virginia Andrews

2008-04-15T21:04:00.003+10:00

Possibly you has never read a Virginia Andrews novel. If you has never, you is lucky. Don't.

The biggest theme is incest is great if you like each other. Oh, I guess she forgot it is illegal, disgusting, perverted, immoral and can lead to DEFORMITIES. And it make Prude chuck up into a toilet every time she even hear about it.

OK, I is back.

Anyhow, I thinks some South Australians maybe haven't got that message yet, or maybe have read a Virginia Andrews one too many.

Because this father-daughter union is just plain pukable . Oh whoopee they has had a child together. Probably one who will be brought up on Flowers in the Attic and other stuff instead of good honourable books. I feel for the child. John and Jenny Deaves have done the dirty against the laws of society. And I is not talking about the fact they could both spare a few kilos either.

Jenny Deaves said after she met her father (they was separated for a while because she comes from a BROKEN HOME - see what the malaise of society has done!) she said to herself "he's not too bad" and that's how the relationship began.

Oh funny I thinks to myself some things are not too bad too, but that does not mean I break the law and procreate with them!

Mr Deaves say: "I knew it was illegal, of course I knew it was illegal but you know, so what."

So everything, immoral person!

It is these kinds of people that can almost make a person waver from their mission! The path to prudism is littered with trash ...

Milly give me the Willies!

2008-04-15T20:47:00.003+10:00

Well they say politics is a dirty, ugly game, but I thought it were supposed to have at least a veneer of conservatism and propriety. No longer it seems! I has seen this disgrace of a Milly D'Abraccio heading into Italian politics . How dare she think to represent the people - she a porn star!

Now, it is my understanding that politicians would have to at least to pretend to tackle issues such as health and eductaion and families. And we is supposed to respect them. But how can we expect to respect such a lady - well FEMALE - well DISCGRACE TO HER GENDER - who is openly flaunting her job that was to make men feel improper feelings and promote a very unchaste activity? I tells you!

It cannot be for the good of the peoples. It would dirty their minds.

Indeed, I would say that Milly, simply by running is adding to pollution in Italy already. That cannot be good for a country.

If her hospital policy was to add more beds, you would always be asking yourself "What is those beds FOR?" If it was more books for schools, you would be quaking in fear as to the content of those books. I tells you, a politician who brings such fear into lives should be not allowed even to put her name on the ballot just in case someone's hand slips and accidentally marks her name and she accidentally gets voted in (because no one, I is sure, would vote her in on purpose. I shudder at the thoughts)

But - well, she is certainly not into a "no butts" campaign as she shows hers everywhere. Really, you ought to draw the line somewhere, and hopefully peoples is not thinking of a pantyline or bumcrack line as I say that.

Pull your pants up, Milly, and lift your game!

What's more, D'Abbraccio wants to create a red light area with strip clubs, erotic discos and sex shops called Love City just kilometres away from the Vatican.

How low cans you get? True love is not about this.

And what a way to run a city.

I can only say I hopes she does not win and has to get an HONEST job like the rest of us!

An Award Worth Striving For

2008-04-06T21:33:00.004+10:00

Prude's Mission.

This is an award worth striving for ... worth living for ... worth, well, collecting charity in little tins for.

I thinks it is most respectable, and I urge other wannabe prudes to go for it. Don't be afraid .. Be Prude and Proud! And one day this honour may be yours!

Stand by Man ... But what about Stand by Morals?

2008-03-11T18:35:00.002+11:00

Now here it is - a famous man New York Governor Eliot Spitzer is in the middle of a sex scandal . OK so what is new, you is asking. It is sad but true that famous people seems to be having sex in sorry places more than ordinary people, or maybe they is just getting caught more. Whatever it is, this time, Silda Wall Spitzer who is his wife is standing by him for the moment.

Now there is other women who has been pointed to having similar experiences and also standing by their men, like Hillary Clinton or Dina McGreevey. Do this make the matter of the world better? of course not, it make it worse. When all these men is running about with other people, in Spitzer's case a PROSTITUTE (I feel faint) then there is something rotting with the morals in our society.

Ms McGreevey say don't say it is bad for Ms Spitzer to stand by her man because she did the same thing and you don't know what it is like until you have been in another person's shoes.

Well I say I likes being in Prude's shoes. After you has been with a man who has cheated I would be rather wary about what had been happening to my shoes and other intimate apparel items. I thinks my own shoes is the best. At least I wash them thoroughly and make sure they is disinfected properly with a proper powder and soap. No germs. You don't need to be in another person's germpot to know it is germy!

Now she is saying there is good reason to stay because of the children.

Oh I can see that all right.

"Hi daddy. Here is your pancake. Did you have a good day at the office with your prostitute?" I is thinking that is not very wholesome breakfast chat.

Ms Spitzer for some strange reason may wish to stand by her man, perhaps because she has been watching some of those mushy romances in the Mills & Boon section where the naughty husband come back and apologise and everything is ok again but by standing by her man what is she doing for the Prudey Cause?

I thinks nothing.

It is teaching the man he can go off with a prostitute and then that is good behaviour. That is not what Prudism is about. It is not saying I thinks your crotch ought to be shackled in a dungeon for the rest of eternity for your trespasses into the llewd world how dare you how dare you you have a lot to pay for mister which is closer to Prudey teachings.

Oh he gets off too lightly if it is all forget and forget and defend I thinks.

A Very Appropriate Start

2008-03-04T13:51:00.001+11:00

Has anyone viewed my blog in Mozilla Firefox (or any browser other than Internet Explorer lately?) and noted the URL?

I thinks it is VERY appropriate for a Prudey!

Romeo + Juliet: A Prudey Tale Part V

2008-02-25T19:01:00.002+11:00

The Nurse go into Juliet's room very early in the morning, and she look ... dead.

"Oh goodness gracious! She look dead!" The Nurse scream for Juliet's father and mother.

"She must have died of a broken heart," think the Nurse. "It must be my fault. I is sorry now. When I thinks of it, Rome is just as romantic as Paris. Maybe even more so. I should never have said what I did."

"Aiyee! What use is a dead daughter? She cannot marry Paris and I will never get a big wedding in the family! And I had just got the cake ready! It were to be a marble cake too!" shrieked Juliet's mother.

"Quiet," say her husband. "You can always have cake for dessert after we put Juliet in the crypt. And you can have Juliet's slice too. It seem marble cake will be of little use to her now." He sigh. Juliet's mother stop shrieking.

"Let us dress her in something pretty and put her in a nice box. It is the dignified way."

Meanwhile, Romeo is living in Exile. He is not doing so well. He is trying to write a poem about Juliet.

Oh Juliet you is like a sweet song,
I think abouts you all days long
Oh Juliet you is like vanilla ice cream
You is white and pure all through it seem
Oh Juliet you is a noble penguin

And then Romeo is stuck, for he has been thinking for long about a good rhyme for "penguin" that aptly describe his strong feelings for Juliet but he cannot.

"You has mail," say a postie.

He rip open the envelope. It is blotchy and rather wobbly. Something about Romeo ... something ... tell ... you ... was that a J? oh gosh, the Friar is getting worse. It is his arthritis playing up again. And he would never accept the fact that he was really a leftie. Romeo had always tried to convince him he should out himself and just write with his left hand. However the Friar wwas a stubborn man and tried to write with his right hand all his life. Then he got the shakes, too. The result was something that resembled Morse Code except there was no proper pattern to it.

Romeo give up in disgust. Old men would not face up to real life!

He is thinking about this while he bend over his poem to Juliet, when up bounce a penguin friend.

"Romeo, I has terrible news, Juliet is dead! I has run all the way to Exile to tell you!"

"Is you funning me? Because I do not think this is very funny!" say Romeo.

"No, Penguin Honour Bright, she is lying in a crypt and she looks dead as a penguin could be! Her whole family is in mourning!"

Romeo bend over the Friar's letter and he think he can deciphr the word "dead" and a "J" in there. Maybe that was what the Friar was trying to tell him!

"Oh, how can this be? And Juliet will never here the great poem I was writing for her! It was to be my masterpiece!" He grab up the unfinished poem in one hand, and hurry off back to Verona.

On the way he finds a chemist, "Have you something deadly and strong?"

"Hmmm, what do you mean?" ask the chemist.

"Anything you has probably sold a successful musician or movie star recently," explain Romeo.

"Oh, we has lots of that stuff," assured the chemist, and mix him a deadly formula.

Romeo thank him and pop the vial in his pocket and whiz off to the Captulet Crypt.

Whom do he see but Paris? Paris is sitting by Juliet's box, paying his respects and also munching on a bit of marble cake which the Captulets had supplied him for sustenance, as he had intended to mourn there for a few hours.

"Who is you?" demand Romeo.

"I ask you the same question. I has permission to be here!" answer Paris. "I think YOU is the intruder."

"She is my girl," answer Romeo.

"What is you speaking of, I was to marry her!" say Paris.

Romeo is incensed and rush forward, Paris mistake this for an attack and lunge forward too. They begin a rumble on the floor, not very dignified I is sorry to report.

"Intruder!" snap Paris. "I will have your head!"

"Don't you take Juliet!" call Romeo. He see a large vase like thing available, and smash Paris with it, too hastily. The vase shatters.

Double tragedy. Paris is dead. Also, the ashes of great-great-great grandma Captulet is now all over the place.

"What has I done?" say Romeo.

He take one last look at Juliet. "Juliet, my dearest, I loves you. You looks so much at peace, and I is leaving you my unfinished poem. I only wish I could have finished the rhyme. But I wish to be with you so ... I take this drink!"

He drinks the poison and collapse. Now Romeo is really dead.

The Friar burst into the crypt then and see what has happened. Juliet is just waking up then.

"What went wrong?" she wailed. Romeo is dead, Paris is dead, Great-great-great grandma is dead ... ok, that I expected. And Romeo has left me a poem to finish with a very difficult rhyme!"

"Darn my leftiness!" curse the Friar.

"I has nothing left to live for!" scream Juliet.

"No, don't, Juliet, you can run elsewhere, I shall buy you a good rhyming dictionary, I shall ...." say the Friar.

But Juliet has found a nearby sword and plunged it through her heart.

It was hours later that the Pontagues and Captulets found out what had happened.

"I thinks we should end this feud like grown ups," say Mr Pontague. I do not want any more bloodshed. And the Captulets shook on it.

The Prince of Verona sighed with relief - no more interrupted milkshake breaks.

And Verona prospered - charity collecting was a safe and more prosperous activity from that day on in the city - well, for quite a while.

What's more, the Friar also came out of the closet and admit he was a lefty. His handwriting got better, but he also invest in a computer so he could type his letters and email. Oh, things went better in correspondence from then on - so long as he get the email addresses right.

Romeo + Juliet: A Prudey Tale Part IV

2008-02-21T11:05:00.002+11:00

The Prince of Verona snapped, "I has had it! That's the straw that broke the caramel's back! And I has not even had a vanilla milkshake yet! I is sick of my milkshake breaks being disturbed! Who is responsible for this? I demands to know!"

He is standing over Tybalt.

"Hmmm, that would be Romeo," murmurs a rather scared looking Captulet.

"Right, I will take away all his milkshake privilages, everywhere, FOREVER! I has the power!"

"But Tybalt killed Meritutio first," pointed out Bestolio.

"Sneak sneak sneak sneak," chanted a nearby Captulet.

"Perhaps I was being unduly harsh," admitted the Prince of Verona. "All right. I shall simply exile Romeo. He is not welcome in Verona ever again."

The news spread fast, and poor Romeo took himself far away, and Juliet locked herself in her room and sobbed.

"She is probably crying because she needs a penguin partner," said her dad. He was trying to help but he did not fully understand the situation, like many fathers. "I know - she can marry Paris! Who does not like Paris?"

"Errgh ... slime ball city!" say Juliet in between her sobs.

"Enough of that, if you do not marry him I shall disown you," say her father.

"I thinks you should marry Paris," say her Nurse. "Romeo is gone now and after all Paris sound so romantic!"

Juliet throw a pillow at her and the Nurse start squawking.

"What shall I do?" thinks Juliet, "If I get stuck with Mr Slime Ball I shall hate it. I shall die of boredom. I will spend the rest of my life wsahing my hair and doing my toenails. I know I will have nothing to talk about. Romeo is the sun and the moon and the stars and Paris is ... hmmm, I don't know what. He do not move me. He do not write cute poetry like Romeo. He do not have a twinkle in his eye or jig to a penguin tune like Romoe. He is nothing. Perhaps he ought to be with a penguin who want nothing but I is not that penguin!"

She is feeling so down she climb out the window and visit the Friar and say, "Is there nothing I can do to prevent the world collapsing - well, my marriage to Paris, which is the same thing?" We is to be married tomorrow!"

"You has already been married once," say the Friar.

"Yes, and it is rather slutty to do it twice in such quick succession. I thinks the tabloids would be having a field day if they only knew. But also I do not wish to be joined to this Paris-man. Can you help me?"

"Hmmm," say the Friar. "Well, I have a drug that could help."

"I is not into drugs," say Juliet.

"Maybe you will be when you has tried this one," say the Friar. "When you takes it, it will make you seem dead. Your family will then not think of making you marry Paris unless he has fetishes I is not aware of. They will mourn you and lay you away in the crypt. Everyone will be thinking you is dead. Over a day later, though, you will wake up - and you will NOT be dead - and you can run off and be with Romeo. Of course, I will send someone to tell Romeo of the plan, so it will be a secret - just between us three."

"Hmmm - sound like the only option I has. I am to be married tomorrow," say Juliet.

"Then here it is - this little bottle. Take it before you go to bed tonight - it's a bit bitter. I will write to Romeo right now."

"Are you sure he will understand you?" ask Juliet.

"My handwriting is very neat," the Friar assured her, handing her the bottle. "Now here you go!"

Newsflash!!! Meakin Goes Pro-Penguin

2008-02-21T10:46:00.003+11:00

I interrupt my broadcast of Romeo and Juliet to brings you all some fantastic breaking news.

It is about how Channel 7 News Chief Peter Meakin has found his love and devotion for the penguin . I is sure if he can, we all can. He do not seem the naturally soft and cuddly type. But wonders will never cease.

It is not a honourable story that got him there however - he has got a third drink driving conviction and instead of getting gaol, was ordered to do 250 hours of community service.

He has now decided to offer his services in public relations to a penguin preservation team at Manly Environment Centre.

Some anti-drinkers say he has got off lightly.

But if it help the penguins, at least some good come of it, I thinks. We cannot dismiss the good of it. Hopefully one day he will look into a penguin's eye and see the real meaning of life and never touch a drink again for he will see the dignity of the penguin and realise the noble cause of staying sober. That is what I is hoping anyhow.

He will helps the penguin, and the pengiun will helps him. That will truly be the full cycle of life, karma, nature, would it not?

Romeo + Juliet: A Prudey Tale Part III

2008-02-18T09:58:00.003+11:00

"Pleeeeease!" say Romeo Pontague to his friend the Friar. "You know what it is like to be in love - I thinks. It is not all hearts and flowers. It is about a march of dignity forever with the one who can get your little penguin heart going."

"Very well, I shall do it," say the Friar.

So along comes Juliet and Romeo, all ready to be married.

"Where is Rosaline? Is you not to be married to Rosaline?" asked the Friar.

"No, I is going for Juliet. This is Juliet."

"Hmmm, I thoughts you were in love with Rosaline. You has written lots of poems about her," say the Friar.

"Has you been two-timing me! I is not putting up with that, Romeo Pontague! I is a moral virtuous type!" cried Juliet Captulet. "My chastity belt will not move for you!"

"No, no, I has not! It is a big mistake, the Friar is all mixed up, it is only you!"

Very soon he has placated Juliet and told the Friar they has better not mention Rosaline again and just hurry up and marry them. Soon they is properly married and Romeo promise never to look at another penguin-girl again. Juliet go home and Romeo hurry off, with his eyes averted.

Suddenly he hear a cry, but fortunately a male cry, so it is ok to look.

Unfortunately it is the Captulet cousin, Tybalt, who say, "You makes trouble for all the Captulets, Romeo, and you gatecrashed our fantastic party! I thinks you may has taken a bit of cake too, and it were my favourite type!"

"Not I! I is not liking chocolate cheesecake at all!" stutter Romeo.

"And how did you know it were choc cheesecake? It were hidden under icing! Only if you TASTED it!" roared Tybalt.

"Ummmm ... maybe I smelled it," murmured Romeo. "I has good smelling faculties."

"Smell this!" roar Tybalt, and tweaked his nose!

Romeo felt this a great insult, but he say with some willpower, "I cannot fight you, Tybalt, we is ... a family." Ahh, Juliet, constantly on his mind!

"Fight!" say Tybalt.

"No! say Romeo.

"I will fight for you, Romeo," say Meritutio.

"No, no, no!" say Romeo. But Meritutio think it important and rush forward to give Tybalt's nose a good tweak. Alas, Tybalt get there first, and get both Meritutio's nose and ear a tweak - and snap both off!

Alas! Meritutio is bleeding away fast!

"No, no, what has you done. You has taken away his ear and nose, and he is draining away, say something Meritutio!"

"A plague on both your houses," whisper Meritutio. It is not charitable, but rather poetic.

Romeo get very mad and rush forth and stomp at Tybalt, give him a good slap and tweak, for he is a passionate penguin. Alas Tybalt fall dead too!

"I did not realise I had grown quite this strong so recently!" thought Romeo.

Then he see the Prince of Verona striding up, "I'll have a vanilla .... hey!" say the stately Prince.

Whoops - better dive, think Romeo.

He manage to run out of sight before he is spotted.

Romeo + Juliet: A Prudey Tale Part II

2008-02-11T22:34:00.000+11:00

Romeo Pontague has discovered his love (he has now forgotten all about Rosaline) Juliet is a Captulet.

His friends drag him from the party, but he is repeating to himself:

"Oh Juliet!
You is a Captulet!
You has captured me
Oh Captulet!
Why I loves you so
But I is Romeo,
Why I is the one for you,
Even if I is a Pontague."

His friends think he is a bit potty. They is also quite impressed he can talk rhyme off the cuff so well likes that.

Romeo is smitten so that night he sneak into the Captulet Castle Garden and there he see Juliet on the blacony, who is pondering her love ... for him! he hide behind a nearby rosebush to listen to her wondrous words. She is so beautiful and dignified-looking, standing there in the moonlight.

"Romeo, Rome, wherefore art thou Romeo?" she say.

Romeo is so happy he can hardly resist the urge to pop out and call out "I is here, fair Juliet Captulet! Over by the rosebush!"

But he manage to contain himself.

"It is just a name. A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet," continues Juliet.

She decides to test it buy picking out a rose and she call it "Chrysanthemum!" and then sniff it. It smell the same. "Jukebox!" she call it. "It smell the same," she confirmed. "Scientology!" she call it. She sniff it and thinks it smell a bit funny. "I probably have got a bit of a cold," she excuse herself.

She is about to pick another rose when out pop Romeo.

"Oweeee!" she cry, but when she see it is Romeo her emotions is true delight. "Oh, it is the prudey penguin I is in love with!"

"Do you really has eyes for me?" say Romeo. "For dear Juliet, you is the most prudey and graceful and noble and chaste penguin I has ever laid eyes on."

"Oh I has never heard such music to my ears," say Juliet. "But hide, for they will kill a Pontague if they find him hear. Hmmm. Romeo, I is thinking you is the only penguin I wish to have in my life. You is dignified and noble. You has the best penguin dancing feet a girl could ask for."

"Juliet Captulet, would you like to dance that penguin dance with me forever?"

"If you can marry me, send word tomorrow," says Juliet. "But I thinks it is best to hurry off now for if they make you into penguin burger you is not a good husband for any penguin girl and I fear the Captulets are in a temper right now. Except me."

Romeo hurry off. He has work cut out for him now, that is for sure. But he throw a prudent little kiss to his Juliet, just for a keepsake.

Romeo + Juliet: A Prudey Tale Part I

2008-02-07T20:13:00.000+11:00

Two households, both alike in dignity,
(Lots of dignity I is assuming, and that is a good thing because dignity is to be strived for,
Just as is chastity)
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
At least it is not obscene,
For it is a great Penguiny Prudey story we is telling here
First of a Penguin called Romeo Pontague and one of Juliet Captulet.

However, sadly, the first part of our scene begins like this:
There was some people collecting charity moneys for the Pontagues, and those for the Captulets on the street one days. One little charity collector piped up and says, not too wisely, "We has collected more money than you, Pontagues! Our penguins will be happier and greater in numbers!"
The Pontagues were not very pleased with this and reacted outraged "We is doing very well thanks you and by the way your chastity belt is showing!"

Now these were not very wise words. Charity collecting is altruistic not to sneer at others great efforts (even if you is doing much better hmm hmm) and it is not nice to make fun of a wardrobe malfunction such as a revealing chastity belt. It could be yours next.

This incensed the Captulets were even more angered and their wits were lost, and this ended in a clanging of charity tins on heads. Oh behold!

The Prince of Verona had to intervene and tell them violence was not very Prudey and they had lots to learn.

"Besides making an unholy racket and denting your heads, you is wasting a lot of valuable charity collecting time and blocking traffic! Wasting time and blocking traffic is a grating offence and the next one of youse who does something likes this and disturbs my milkshake break will pay!"

The Prince was very fond of his milkshakes, especially vanilla ones with whipped cream and nut sprinkles.

The Pontagues and Captulets stuck out their tongues at each other but retired. It is a terrible thing, but they were not as wise as penguins is now, and they were very rivalsome groups, in all things.

Back at The Captulet Castle, the lovely little Juliet Captulet who had not been out charity collecting because she was sewing lavender bags to sell at the next Prude Fundraising Effort, was being chatted to by her mother.

"I thinks you ought to marry that man called Paris, he calls often, and you is needing a husband, and he is coming to the dance tonight," Juliet's mother say.

Juliet sigh. She is not too fond of Paris. He look like ... what do people say today? A slime ball?

Over at the Pontague Mansion, Romeo is mooning over Rosaline.

"I am in love with a girl called Rosaline, I really am, but she do not love me," he sigh. "What do I do? I has read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, cover to cover, also What Women Want and every issue of Cleo I could get my hands on and it provide no answers. I has exhausted every avenue."

"You has to forget her," says his great friend, Bestolio.
"I agree, come to a dance tonight, there will be plenty of attractive penguins there plus lots of hot penguin dancing, what more do you need to forget?" chimed in Meritutio, his other great friend.

"Hmmmm, but I is in love ... "

"Oh come now ..." they say

"Indeed you is a best friend like your name, Bestolio, and your idea has merit, like your name, Meritutio. I shall do it!"

And so Romeo went to the penguin dance at the Captulets.

Although it were a masquerade dance, Tybalt, Juliet's cousin, recognised Romeo and thought it very saucy of a Pontague to turn up at the Captulet's dance. He was especially angry since his chastity belt really had been showing then and vowed to make Romeo pay for his arrogance in turning up so soon after the Pontagues had "outed" him.

But Romeo was oblivious to this, since he had just seen Juliet Captulet.

Ah me!

He did not know yet she was a Captulet, and she did not know he was a Pontague. Ignorance did indeed breed temptation. They swam a cross the dancefloor towards each other and did a prudey little penguin dance together and she admired his wayward steps as he did her grace.

They knew then that they were made for each other. They smiled, and chastely dared to touch hands.

"Juliet!" cried her mother, and Juliet was led away by her mother, the prominent hostess.

"Is she a Captulet?" asked Romeo, to himself (thinking: hmmm - silly question)

"Who is that man?" asked Juliet of her Nurse.

"He is Romeo Pontague, and your enemy!"

Juliet is thinking her heart is broken, but she shrouds it with dignity and a noble mask as only a penguin can do.

Lots of money for an 's'

2008-02-07T14:35:00.000+11:00

I has read that a British travel company paid $1.2m for the letter 's' in its URL, that is, it wish to be known as "cruises.co.uk" instead of "cruise.co.uk" and paid $1.2m for the pleasure.

Now I must say that is a lot of cash. I has worked hard at charity collecting all my Prudey life and never has one person slipped a $1.2m note in my tin. They is not easy to come by.

But I sympathise wholeheartedly with the predicament of this travel company, I is often thinking to myself, it is not easy to get the URL or the email you wishes for. They is often gobbled up by someone whom I suspect is not so deserving.

For instance, when I was first setting up this site, my first wish for a URL was the word "prude". It seem to fit in very well with my identity. Then, it do seem, someone else take the URL prude.blogspot.com! And they has not my Prudey stance. in fact their blog is filled with pictures of Pirates - now what has they to do with the great chasteness that true Prudes aspire to?

What's more there has been only a couple of rather vacuous posts and then it has been abandoned since 2004.

Ahh, what a waste for a potentially, beautifully, chaste name! I weep. The shame of it.

Then I looks at the URL theprude.blogspot.com

Again, taken! SOmething about Rocking on with The Prude, but otherwise empty.

Oh I is again mourning these good URLs, in a wasteland. Rock on with this The Prude? I thinks not.

So I try prudey.blogspot.com Oh the shame of it. Something I cannot understand at all I think it is in Spanish or something. Some funny language. Lots of pictures of people with clothes - thank goodness at least not naked and not much flesh-flashing - but not a penguin to be seen. Clearly could do with improvement.

So my top blog choices has been taken!

But naturally I must select another for Prude cannot let a this URL get in the way of her mission, and she do not have $1.2m.

I settles here, where you all knows me.

However, I feel the pain. I empathise. It is a world not always fair. But I must say after a year here I is very proud of PRUDESMISSION

And I did not have to pay a cent for my three s's!

"Sex Scenes Are A Pain"

2008-01-24T15:41:00.000+11:00

It is on the record that sex all the time is not that much fun - well I think people should take notice!

Promiscuity is not only not a virtue but it is not so much so called "fun"!

Prudism is definitely the way to go!

How to Compliment a Prude

2008-01-23T00:44:00.000+11:00

Dear R.H.

I is sure R.H. is a very nice blogger. Well, I thinks is. Perhaps I should not be counting my feet before they is hatched, or I could be putting my eggs in my mouth. Or something likes that. Anyhow, R.H. seem like a very nice blogger so far, but he say to me recently "Sexy Prude".

Now.

Now, there is some women out there who would relish such a saying, and that is why some people like R.H. seem to say these such things often, I is thinking. However they is not a proper way to compliment a Prude, and since I is on a mission to convert the whole world to Prudism, soon they will be inappropriate to be used anywhere so I feel it is my duty to educate the youth of today and indeed all people today (but especially the youth for the children are the future) as to the proper way of the compliment.

Rule No. 1.

A Compliment Should Never Refer to Sexy, unless to Refer to Virtue of Unsexy

e.g.

Sexy Prude is not a Compliment
However: Prude you is Chaste
or Prude I commend your Abstinence
or Really Unsexy Prude
is all good compliments.

Also, "I wish to have sexy with you, Prude" is a disgusting form of compliment
However: Prude I wish to remain chaste in your presence
Prude you has convinced me to never has sex again
Is all great compliments

Rule No. 2

Compliments referring to the Penguin Nature or a Appearance of a Person is Good

e.g. Prude you looks just like a Penguin today, I has never seen you look more Penguin before, etc.

Rule No. 3

Certain Words is More Appropriate than Others in Compliments

Words to avoid: Nude, Sexy, Promicuous, Naughty, Salacious, Undignified, Dirty, Filthy, Perverted, Dishonourable, Revealing, Boobs

Words to use: Penguin, Noble, Dignified, Chaste, Prude, Pure

I hopes this gives you some guidelines, and these is put to good use.

What Prude Did on Penguin Awareness Day

2008-01-23T00:25:00.000+11:00

It was Penguin Awareness Day , on January Twentieth,

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse,

That was until Prudey jumped up and got ready,

Put on her Penguin Suit (over chastity belt), and left the house.

Mr Jumbles was ready,

With Squawk our great friend,

And we celebrated this special day,

From beginning to end.

Yes, Penguin Awareness Day was on January Twentieth. It was a great day to learn much about penguins, to adopt a penguin, to spot a penguin, and to get in touch with your inner penguin. Naturally I sees Mr Jumbles and Squawk quite often - ok Mr Jumbles a tad more often however Squawk is fast growing a loyal and frequent companion. However on a special day like Penguin Awareness Day I went out of my way to see them in a special light. I naturally dressed up in my very best Penguin Suit.

We took out our Penguin Charity Tins and one thing we did early in the morning was a very interesting penguin dance routine which we had been working on as a trio. It involve some of the more complex and joyful penguin movements and I regard it as a work of art. It really let my inner penguin out, and perhaps you saw us, if you is from Sydney? Perhaps you is one of those nice peoples who gives us money for the Adopt a Penguin Program or the Penguin Humane Fund? I thinks you is a very good person, thank yous.

We then had a picnic in the park, to get more in touch with nature, and I had much deep and meaningful chatter with my penguin friends. You understand more what is going on in their penguin hearts then and I felt so in touch with penguin feelings then. I was so truly touched.

We told penguin tales all night and watched March of the Penguins DVD too. I tells you, it was a good day ... and a good night.

P&O = Perverts and Oglers

2008-01-09T10:29:00.000+11:00

P&O has brought disgrace to its name once again with the latest in scandals. But then what else do you expect from a cruise ship which runs such filthy ads with the slogan "SEAMEN WANTED" and a picture of slutty women lazing about on board? I think it is very much provocative and they is showing off bad values.

If anyone is wanting a good time, a really good time, they would not be boarding on one of these ships, because these ships is giving you an assaulting and insulting time. Why peoples buy into them, I do not know. They jump aboard and then cry when they is had sex with. It is like jumping on glass and crying that you has been bleeding.

I thinks the only reason one should jump aboard a P&O ship is to pull it apart and shout hurrah! It is a hull of decrepit and nasty behaviour. What with rapists and paedophiles lurking in every hatch, or so the newspapers report it, it seem.

A PrudeCruise would never allow such activities to take place. Activities would include guided tours and penguin spotting and organised penguin dances and marches, and all staff would personally check that chastity belts were in place for extra protection of passengers. It would be our insurance policy. It is a pity P&O do not follow some basic Prude guidelines like that, and instead of having a drunken raving defiled mob they could have an ordered group with healthy, pure clean prudey fun.

There is some who would say "What, no alcohol, no sex, that's no fun?" but if you was Diane Brimble would you say I would like to be watching a Penguin Play with my chastity belt on alive, or be raped and drugged and dead by boozed up fools - I ask you? It is obvious sex and alcohol lead to no good, especially at high seas - I think it has soething to do with the rollicking sway but I has not done my scientific investigation into it.

P.S. If anyone would like to take part in a Prude investigation in how high seas affect people's stupidity I is happy to talk to prospective volunteers. It is something I may be looking at. Some will be allowed to booze and have sex a lot, others to wear chastity belts and watch penguins. All will be taken on a cruise. Prude will observe their behaviour closely and take notes.

The Return of the Sexy Underwear - Not!

2008-01-04T09:37:00.000+11:00

Now that it is early in the New Year, this is the time when people are doing two things - buying heaps of cheap bargains because they didn't get whats they wanted for Christmas, and trying to return lots of unwanted presents, because they didn't gets what they wanted for Christmas.

Prude was certain peoples knows what type of person she is, and would buy ethically and appropriately for her. After all she explain it clear enough on her blog and explain it loud enough in the street. WHat do she need extra, a megaphone? In fact perhaps one of those may have come in handy, but no one bought one for her this Christmas. Strange.

However, someone DID buy her something rather inappropriate.

She pull off the shiny paper on Christmas and horror of horrors she receive a most shocking gift and she nearly faint. It is a pity no one get her smelling salts this year. She may have to request them next year in case a disaster like this happen again.

It was, of all filths - SEXY UNDERWEAR!

Prude would not be caught dead in sexy underwear. That has been a direct order, given to those in charge of funeral direction. She most certainly would not be caught alive in such frivolous immoral stuff. That stuff belong on Britney Spears - when she remember to wear them.

So of course Prude took them back to the store for exchange, though it cause her some embarrassment to be in such a store and to have to pull such immoral stuff from a plastic bag. I tell you, I feel soiled doing such a thing.

I say, "Someone bought your immoral filth thinking I would inhabit such a thing. I wish not to be associated with you or your product. I wish to have my moneys back please."

I think I said it in a very polite and dignified way.

The saleswoman say, "Hmmm, it is our policy not to refund for lingerie."

"Whats?"

"Look at the sign. You cannot refund for swimwear or lingerie. It is policy."

"But why? I do not want to be any part of your disgusting industry!"

"It is for hygiene purposes. Now if it were a jacket or scarf, perhaps ..."

"But it is taking great advantage! Swimwear and lingerie are your most immoral products! youse wish to palm them off and say no take back? And what is this about hygiene? Is you saying I is dirty? You is the dirty filthy ones! You is the one palming off these skimpy little .... things!"

"I has told you our policy. We cannot refund for hygiene reasons"

"I has never worn them! They has never touched my skin! Even if I had worn them I has a chastity belt on which would make it very hygienic! What is this twaddle you is palming off to me! I demand my money back!"

"I cannot."

She was like a robot. She cannot say anything but policy, policy, policy. She has no compassion or understanding for my plight. In the end I takes the skimpy things and I say to her, "Then YOUSE have it, you obviously immoral person! They would suit YOU very well!"

Funnily enough she look quite pleased.

Down with Drunks!

2008-01-02T21:18:00.000+11:00

It is 2008 now and today I was about town.

Straight after Christmas there was an attack on stores, with everyone grabbing their hands on cheap TVs and linen sets and silly-priced T-shirts. I do not do such undignified things as involve myself in the "Christmas crush" but I did saunter in and have a ruffle through some bargains. I found myself some lovely oven mitts, just right for when I do my baking and like to keep my paws clean and pure, and a black parasol with white trimming. This is the penguin parasol you knows! Penguin coolours, and very dainty and proper! It will keeps the sun out in the suny days and the rain off in the rainy days and just right when I am out on my charity collecting and converting missions.

So I was very pleased with my purchases.

However, today, and even more so yesterday, there was not nearly as many souls in sight. And you knows why?

No, it was not because the sales has all disappeared. There was many a bargain sock and a lacy parasol to be found, not to mention all those bargain rolls of Christmas wrappings and Santa teddies to be going for cheap (I scooped several; they will do for next Christmas). And there was stores open on New Year's in the City.

It was because many a potential shopper was writhing in bed because of a HANGOVER.

This is, sadly, because on NYE certain people was out partying til late and drinking far too much. That is the sad state of Aussies today and sadder still, they actually believe they can hold the alcohol. They do not realise they become idiot incomprehensible nincompoops with weak bladders after they down a few drinks. And while for some that is their normal state, for many it is a state induced by ALCOHOL - the evil.

And the hangover is persisting til today.

It is very immoral for them to do so and they shoulds be taught a lesson. I advise all moral peoples to teach such disgusting revellers a lesson. Go to your stores sober after New Year's Eve and scoop all the good bargains and leave signs saying HA HA HA GOT HERE BEFORE YOU DRUNK as you buy it. Serves them right and perhaps they will sober up!

The Virgin Mary

2007-12-21T10:44:00.001+11:00

It is that time of year - Christmas. And we should reflect on the true meaning of Christmas. And the messages we should gain from it.

There are some who think it is all about Santas and presents. Now that is not true at all. While I is a bit partial to a choccie Santa that is not what you should take away from Christmas as its true meaning. You can eat the choccie Santa and not get any meaning at all. In fact that is how it is most often done.

The Number one most important message you should get is not about the consumerism but about the birth of Jesus Christ.

Now there will be some people who will come up to you and want to go on about the gifts of gold, frankenstein and myrrh. Forget it, that is actually all product placement. Again it is all about presents, though nicely disguised with some wise men and a barn to make the message more holy sounding instead of a drunken uncle at a family get-together or an Office Kris Kringle. That is not what Christmas is mostly about, though it do come in sideways.

The main message is about the Virgin Birth.

That is the most important thing about Christmas.

Mary, she is the most moral of beings. Virginity should be aspired to by all. Not only did Mary keep her pants on tightly up til marriage and birth, but even til AFTER BIRTH. Now that is something women should aspire to though not any has accomplished it since that has been widely recorded.

But if she can, I thinks someone else could try if they set their minds to it hard enough. It would not be easy but definitely a goal worth trying for.

She is an inspiration and a role model for all women.

Think of her this Christmas.

Prude: How the Sex Obsessed Culture Damages Young Girls

2007-12-16T20:08:00.000+11:00

Prude has got some more followers! Peoples who is championing her cause! I is very happy to say, that while it has taken years to do it, it is very well worth the efforts.

I present to you Ms Carol Platt Liebau's book Prude: How the Sex Obsessed Culture Damages Young Girls .

It fight the good fight against promiscuity and sexual aggression. And best of all it pour scorn on disgusting creatures from the garbage dump, Nicole Richie and Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.

And it show pole dancing for what it is, an immoral act. Some people has just been saying "Go pole dancing it is good exercise."

Well it is much better exercise to do penguin dancing and then you is not doing something immoral such as prancing about a giant phallic symbol, is you?

The more Prude Recruits the better, and I is glad to have some more on board! What a nice way to be drawing the year to a close!

Undies or Not Undies? That is my Question.

2007-12-13T19:39:00.000+11:00

Now we have a scandal of huge political proportions. Maxine McKew has barely been declared officially in when someone has caught her with her pants down.

Or at least they thinks they has.

The incriminating picture* I is posting has been shown around, and it has been slammed by some as being very offensive and raunchy, showing lots of leg. I cannot deny this. Maxine should have been a bit more modest I thinks. Do you see Mr Howard strutting off his legs in such a casual manner? I thinks not. And he should know the protocol if anyone should; he has been around this place for over a decade.

But it has been said that from a certain angle it looks like Maxine has no undies on! In a very Sharon Stone, Basic Instinct manner. Now this would be disgusting in the extreme. I has stared at the photo a great deal and so has Mr Jumbles but we cannot see no undies. On the other hand if there was no undies we could not see them so we has a bit of a conundrum here, hasn't we?

Still, I has my spies out. We shall see if it is a scandal or not. There shall be much staring up the skirt in order to make sure whether the pants are on or off. It is our duty to ensure the morality of the politicians!

*Well the incriminating picture was front on. But it was in the same place with the same dress on and that is what matters. And she sat next to John Howard as well.

Penguins Go Vege!

2007-12-13T19:11:00.000+11:00

I has always liked a good eggplant. And I must say ... these is VERY GOOD eggplants.

Would you face the Penguin Panel?

2007-12-08T09:31:00.000+11:00

Now I has exciting news for those who has a computer or a video camera. Actually both. A panel of penguins is to be giving away $5000 in a competition where you create a film clip for them to market a book, called "A Fraction of the Whole" and the best clip gets the money.

Naturally you can give away the money to any charity you choose. That is FREE CHOICE hmm hmm

But loyalty to those who has told you about the competition karma karma karma karma

Anyhow I think it is a wonderful idea to think about how you measure up to penguin standards. There is bits about the book on the competition website and I thinks a good penguin lover could make a book promotion that the Penguins would think connects really with their values. That is what it is all about. Naturally I should expect it have good strong themes in it which promote Penguin-y values. I has the faith. I expects good things (I is rattling my penguin charity tin right now.) - go forth and conquer in the name of Prude's Mission!

Unadvised Names for Infant Minds

2007-12-04T08:37:00.000+11:00

TimT has made a list of Suggested Names For Satanist Children and him being a great blog friend of mine I is honoured to say - or at least we post an each other's blogs from time to time which is what the internet come to these days in regard to friendship or even less when it come to Facebook - I is sure he do not mind too much my adapting his idea for a Prudey Post.

After all it is not at all as bad as what politicians do - both in terms of friendship and stealing ideas.

His post got me thinking about what disgusting names would be to call your child, if you is a Prude. Of course Prude is a fine name. So Is Mr Jumbles. And Squawk. My Father was descended of the great Prudes, we has a heritage, Prudus Nobilius, it go right back into history, it is a fine distinguished name.

But in fact it is more important to know of improper names, that you may avoid them, like cracks in the pavement, ticking time bombs, or people who try to get you to buy credit cards in the street.

I has compiled a list of some names off the top of my head I can think of as the most perilous. It is only a beginner's list.

Unprude

Wayward

Slut

Easy

Beergut

French Fries

Burger Boy

Schooner

Immoral

Lube

Hangover

Lecherer

Paedophile

Gay

Dick

Randy

Fanny

Ginger Spice

Parsley Lynn

John Howard

Non Chastity Charity

2007-11-29T18:58:00.000+11:00

I do not knows where some people gets there morals, from the waste of the in-sink-erator? It seem like it when I read this story about a Chilean prostitute offering marathon sex at a telethon with money going towards handicapped kids.

I think the kids would be struck dumb and demoralised should they know that money is going towards them, and that is a handicap they would have to live with for the rest of their lives. Did this silly flasher ever think of that?

Not to mention what kind of handicap marathon sex can cause.

She say, "How can someone question a person who wants to put her job at the service of a noble cause?"

Perpetuating sexy is not a noble cause, I hasten to point out.

And I questoin her muchly.

It is like saying you would not question murder-for-hire for a cause. That is clearly wrong.
It is like saying you would not question a stripper who wish to strip for a cause. Clearly immoral.
It is like saying you would not question peoples who would swamp the market with porn for a cause. Clearly immoral.
It is like saying you would not question people who would sell short shorts and plastic sandals for a cause. That is ewwww!
It is like saying you would not question people who would sing death-metal for a cause. Save us all!
It is like saying you would not question any investment banker or politician who wish to continue in their job for a cause. Enough said.

Tom Cruise: A Possible Prudism Convert?

2007-11-22T19:08:00.000+11:00

Tom Cruise: whatever you might say about him, he have potential. I see him here doing the air motorcycle well that is what they call it. It is remarkably good dancing, though not extremely refined, but it show some potential in the arms and leg areas if you watch carefully.

He may well be a good candidate for teaching the Penguin Dance to. Watch him bop! I is interested in prying him off the Scientology muck and seeing if he will take on the mantle of Prudism. After all I think it may be much more worthy and I could use someone with his enthusiasm.

What's more, it seem he will do almost anything and try anything, so I thinks a chastity belt, a penguin suit and Prude activism will not be off-putting to him. He is not one to shy away from challenges. What has he to lose?

It is an interesting project to consider. If I can forgive him for Top Gun and Cocktail and move on.

The Curse of the Condoms

2007-11-13T22:13:00.000+11:00

Well, it has come upon us. People is dying of the Curse of the Condoms . And why? Because human beings is wicked. They is wanting too much sexy.

It is a simple equation really, the logic a child can play with but humans is blind and they do not wish to see it. So someone like Mr Jumbles must explain it to them.

Mr Jumbles, step forth.

"Human Beings. You has a problem. Hair bands is being made of recycled condoms, but they is being scientifically - I repeat - scientifically proven to being a health hazard. They is spreading infectious diseases. you may catch genital warts and even AIDS from a hairband, and it is common practice to hold a hairband in your mouth while doing your hair, for instance for that I must say 'Eeeeeeeergh! ewwwwww!'

I say to you humans, what does this tell me? You humans does too much sexy. If you has not a need for so much illicit sexy relations you would not have all these used condoms around. Condoms would be unused. There may not even be condoms at all. Is I right or is I right? I is right?

I is right.

I is applying that logic to the next step to say that if there is no used condoms, then used condoms could not be used to make hairbands and therefore this terrible disease spread could not have occurred. I is explaining therefore that it is the human urge for sexy that has caused this tragedy and therefore it is the beast that must be stopped.'

I thinks you would have a hard time arguing with such logic as that of Mr Jumbles! Bravo!

The Meeting of Squawk

2007-11-07T11:01:00.000+11:00

Mr Jumbles is walking down the streets of Sydney recently, asking people to donate to charity for penguins.

"Donate to save the penguins!" he is calling. But people is ignoring him, probably because he is not a hobo or doing hip-hop in the middle of a mall. It is a sad world where you must be either really stinky or an exhibitionist with bad clothes and music sense to get any money. It mean the worthy people is getting ignored all the times.

Then he is seeing a penguin ambling down the street towards him. No, it is not Prude in a penguin suit. It is a real penguin. Mr Jumbles is a smart penguin. He can tell the difference right away even though mine is a very good quality penguin suit.

This penguin is a vision of grey silken down and white, tipped in blue. It is a very noble and dignified colouring. He stop and say to her, "Excuse me, I see you is a penguin. So is I."

"Indeed," she say. "It is a pleasure to see you. There is not much penguin company in Sydney."

"No, indeed," say Mr Jumbles. "You is the first I has seen in many months."

"I is actually from Melbourne," she explain. "I moved to Sydney just recently."

"Oh," say Mr Jumbles. "May I introduce myself? I is Mr Jumbles."

"I is Squawk."

"Squawk? That is a fine and honorable name."

"It is," she reply demurely. "My mother was Squawk and my grandmother before her. We has a long ancestral line of Squawks. It has a great history of Squawks in our family. We is very proud of it."

Mr Jumbles is looking at this fine creature, she is obviously a noble and dignified lady.

"I is thinking ... perhaps you would like to meet a great friend of mine. Her name is Prude."

"I would be honoured, Mr Jumbles!"

Mr Jumbles Finds a Friend

2007-11-07T10:50:00.000+11:00

Sydney is not a bad place to live, however it has one detriment in particular for Mr Jumbles. There is not many penguin friends here for him. If we were in Antarctica, he could have many familiar folk around, however here he has not as many associates. I thinks we should take the time to congratulate Mr Jumbles on his devotion to Prude's Mission - he has put his social ideology ahead of mere socialising. What a worthy penguin!

But it is always good to have compatriots and while Mr Jumbles and I has got along well it is good for him to meet another penguin. They can sit and trade penguin stories. And I is glad to say that recently Mr Jumbles has met a penguin, ambling about on the streets of Sydney. It is not a common place to find penguins, but life has its quirks.

I is glad to say that like most penguins she is a noble being. Grey-and-white in colour, with delicate pink feet, silken in body and a most noble and dignified penguin. I is glad to introduce her as the newest member of Prude's Mission.

Her name is Squawk.

Hot Advice from Prude

2007-10-30T11:50:00.000+11:00

The weather is hotting up and people is getting sweatier. Daylight saving has set in and that is a sure sign people is getting hot about the collar - literally.

In hot weather, there is always the temptation of human beings to prance about naked in public. They say this is because they is too hot in clothes but often it is a chance to exhibit themselves. You see these people all the time. They is called nudists, disgusting people, or really really hot people.

Unfortunately they is not often really hot HOT people. Mostly those who chooses to walk about in nothing not even a vine leaf tends to be people who the rest of us is not even wanting to ogle. They is usually the old, the wrinkly, the fat, the abnormally ugly. That is what makes this tendency even more disgusting. It is even worse when you remember that hot weather means SWEAT.

But add on to this that any type of prancing about publicly naked is extremely immoral. People should not be making exhibitions of themselves. Nudity is crudity not prudity I say. In fact people should not be showing off their naked bodies even in their own homes. I is always undressing under a towel in a wardrobe locked from the inside when I is at home, even if no one else is in the house. Best to maintain prude habits at all times, then you has no possibility of perhaps lapsing.

But in summer, this do not mean that one cannot be comfortable in hot weather. It simply mean that prudity come first.

Here are some prude tips for going about in hot weather:

You can wear a nice dress that cover up your whole body but it do not need to be of velvet or leather or some such. Cotton is quite all right.
Wear a nice sunhat
Carry a fan
Put an icecube in your drink
Eat an ice cream
Sit in the shade
When you is collecting for a prude charity and one person walks away (it is sad it happens) do not chase after them (this make you hot and sweaty). Call after them "You will regret this missed chance to join prude's mission!" and let it follow them. Move on to the next convert-to-be. That person has gone for now but they will be back with your words ringing in their ears.

It goes without saying that one should not have sex if one is a prude. But remember that sex make you hot, so that is an extra deterrent.

If all else fails you could do as the penguins (those admirable creatures!) do - migrate to Antarctica

The Man has Jumped the Blog

2007-10-29T18:55:00.000+11:00

Just a little while ago on a prudey blog-post just a bit further down a blog poster who has been known to us commenters as GT or sometimes as "The Man" which he like to pronounce himself as, spit chips and say he is not coming back here any more, after being a regular Prude-follower for months.

My keen prudey sense say this mean he threaten not to come back the Prude blog, not meaning just to that post.

Poor GT. Little does he realise what is waiting for him in the world of evil without prudey guidance. One day he will come away from those youthful daze of his and say "I wish I had better moral guidance but I shunned those who knew better in favour of a live-it-up fun lifestyle. I thoughts I knew better than those who was older and wiser but that is the folly of youth. Oh to go back and change my decisions!"

It is something many of has said, or will say, except maybe Mr Jumbles.

GT, I wish you well but it is a hard world out there without good strong moral support.

P.S. GT has stomped off suddenly calling Prudey a bigot. I is not sure what he is referring to or why he is so cross about what I has said then. Prude has always speak like this and give these views. Oh youthful temper!

We all has baggage in life. Just some is more moral baggage than other baggage.

2007-10-27T10:21:00.000+10:00

It is a well known fact in life that everyone carries baggage in life. This is an inescapable fact of life. Whether you is a good moral person or a low-life, Mr Jumbles or Burger Boy, you will carry burdens. It has been documented all through history.

At one time people used to have to carry their baggages in little bundles. They used to roll them up in blankets and then double the blankets up for towels and for sleeping on. Now they did not know better but this is pretty repulsive. No wonder they get extra burdens in life and the rest of the human race is soiled. You means you wipe your naughty parts with the same things you wrap your bits of bread and cheese in? It explain a lot about the state of the human race nowadays.

Fortunately humans have become better progressed and we have inherited such burdens from our forebears but we do not have to keep adding to the grime so much. Certainly there is no need to throw some little bits of random hairs into the mix a gifts to the next generation. We has been more advanced in our baggage technology and we should make this our legacy to the future.

Prude is very understanding of this and she has come across the most moral of baggage holders, and indeed baggage, for Prudes to trolley around. It is the Penguin Bag, coming in many models to suit various Prudey needs. It come in Backpacks, Weekenders, Trolleybags, Shoulder bags, produced by Samsonite. What more could you ask for?

Not only is it nice and clean and have separate compartments for your towel and your bread-and-cheese, and it nice and strong, but it pronounce your prudeyness to the world. That in itself is most important. It deliver your message in a swag.

A little backpack may suit your needs, or a set of Penguin Bags for the penguin who has a bit more to carry around. Or who simply revel in a few more penguins around the place.

This is the latest in luggage technology. Embrace a penguin bag, and embrace the future.

Jump on your mission with a penguin on your back!

Cheaters, you is just as bad as child molesters!

2007-10-23T22:36:00.000+10:00

Someone is taking a moral stance against cheating. And about time too I is thinking. It seem to me some people is thinking it is rather fun and not too bad to be flinging themselves around. But one day you will be flinging too much and you will fall hard and you will not like it much. I guarantee it. Cheating is wrong.

I has heard people go on about how they think it is just all about thrills and living it up. Well great times can be had in life without being an immoral person. I has said to these people, have you not tried dancing and ice cream? Or maybe a nice cookie and a good game of checkers? They has not known how to have a good time without being immoral and that is because they is thinking one thing all the time.

And it is not a good thing.

However I is saying, one place is trying to keep people on the straight and narrow, one place besides Prude's Mission that is. It is the Anglican Church who has now decided to keep a big register of cheats who is in the clergy - will that shame you peoples? I hope so. It is a pity they don't makes it bigger and make it extended to everyone. It will go alongside their paedophile listing. However I guess you finds heaps of paedophiles in the Church so maybe this is a good enough place to start with cheats anyhow. You may find a good number of them here.

Start small and get big. The moral revolution has to starts somewhere.

Meanwhile, I is hoping everyone in the community is feeling that little bit more protected. Perhaps such a register will mean it is less likely your spouse will be flinging off with the local minister.

That can only be a good thing.

Smuggling Budgie Smugglers is Bad for your Health

2007-10-19T10:04:00.000+10:00

Well I has always thought Speedos has looked disgusting. They has shown off far too much of a male's bits. Bits which should not be seen, ever. They should be tucked away forever and ever, they should not be known about. I wish I had not known about them but unfortunately someone wore some Speedos and this knowledge was forced upon Prude here.

It is something I is not needing knowledge of.

But if there is ever an additional incentive to not have the budgie smugglers around (hmmm I hope they is not smuggling real budgies in there because I is against such cruelty to animals. If a bird was in that region of the body it would be heinous. And I would be even more outraged if it were a penguin) then it would be this report that explains that Speedos is a health hazard. In fact they is banned in some places. Like Guantanamo Bay. And perhaps the move should be made to ban them in Sydney too.

They is apparently used lots for making nooses from, and people gets hanged lots like that. Well you is thinking that only happens in Cuba? Wrong, there is lots of depressed sad people here who is not needing extra help from Speedos. And lowering the suicide rate is a good thing.

It could be a triple whammy.

People is not committing suicide from making nooses from Speedos
People is not committing suicide from seeing other ugly people in Speedos or realising other people have bits they is not knowing about before
People is not committing suicide from seeing how gross they is looking in Speedos, a grossness that they is not realising before, now extra-emphasised

The major incentive for me will always be they is looking wrong. Suicide or not. However if someone need an extra reason it is nice to have a list for them. Some people need an extra boost to had on the right track.

The Virgin Cover

2007-10-17T10:32:00.000+10:00

Penguin Books has another great idea: Blank Books.

Well there is a story inside but the cover is blank. In its classic book section.

White.

Virginal.

Pure.

You is of course able to draw on the cover and personalise it with a good moral picture, so there is none of this half-nudey picture trash that some artists seem apt to like to scrawl on covers. You can make all your front covers penguin heroes and what a joy that will be. Make sure each heroine is wearing a chastity belt and send some good moral messages out there.

Unfortunately there will be some people like Friendless and Burger Boy who will use this opportunity for bad. Such people ought to be stopped from buying blank books in my opinion. In fact it is a wonder they is allowed to roam free in society.

But in the hands of a Prude, a blank book is a thing of beauty, and a joy forever. It is a chance for expression and education. It is a chance to make sure a moral message is passed down to other generations. Prudies may wish to buy blank books for their friends for Christmas, and draw moral messages on them for them as gifts. I am sure they would be appreciating the thought.

What would your moral mesage be? - remember it is your legacy for the future

Your Ties Says Something Important About You

2007-10-16T08:55:00.000+10:00

It is always important to have great ties in the community.

Polite Prudes Unite

2007-10-16T00:05:00.000+10:00

You is thinking to yourself, "I is thinking that Penguin Books (see below competition) is the most moral of books, but which is the most moral Penguin Books of Penguin Books?"

Well, I is thinking that there is a very clear runner in the race. In fact this Penguin is running so far ahead I is thinking not many other penguins will have a chance.

It is with great pleasure I recommend this great work of Penguin Literature, The Penguin Book of Etiquette , a book which give great advice about how a true penguin and a true Prude ought conduct himself and herself and penguinself in public and in private. Nobility, dignity, chastity, integrity and prudity. I is thinking how fine a gem are we honoured to have in this society.

I has nominated it as Prude's favourite Penguin book.

It remind us of some important dicta "Courtesy is not just for special people and special occasions, it's for everyone, every day."

A Prude should conduct its prudeself in a becoming way at all times not just on Melbourne Cup Day and days like that. It should also be remembered that Chastity is not just for special people and for special occasions too. It is not just for monks and nuns and not just for every third Wednesday. It is for every single day and it is to be celebrated. Like courtesy if we is to extend chastity to every part of our lives we is to be respected for it. I thinks this is the Etiquette Book message.

Mr Jumbles is nodding his head in agreement and cannot wait to read another page of this wholesome book. That is a recommendation in itself.

Be polite, prudies, and unite. Banners for modern manners!

Win a Very Moral Penguin Package!

2007-10-13T07:58:00.000+10:00

Now I is not usually one for advocating competitions as most things I believe is the product of hard work and lots of charity-work and chastity. However I do think this is one that is too important to pass up and it will enhance your bookcase for the better if you is winning it, also if you goes to this website you will be seeing some very upright logos which is a good thing in itself.
It is a Penguin Package Competition. Unfortunately you do not win a real penguin, but you can win a book package for penguin books which is inferior to an actual penguin but still very moral.

I has already entered the competition but I urge you to also.

Penguin books is a great book publishing company.

If I was to write a Prude Book (which I is thinking of doing by the way. Any good titles I is open to hearing about) they would have the honour of receiving my manuscript first. And oh what an honour that would be.

Also I would like to remind you all that at the moment Borders books is having Penguin and Puffin (the little penguins) books at 20% off now. This is a great chance to get some more penguins into your house, and that is always a good thing.

Good luck penguin lovers and prude-followers and let me know of your great successes with penguin-obtaining!

Too much Plastic, Too little Fantastic

2007-09-15T09:34:00.001+10:00

I has told you plastic boob jobs is wrong, and here is the picture that proves my case.

It is wrong. The boobies must be half her body weight.

It is not attractive. It is a burden. Obviously she needed brain enhancements not boobie enhancements.

It is society's fault for placing so much weight on boobies that we have boobies with so much weight. That is why I has campaigned for the Natural Boobie. You should not be fixated with boobies. You should not thinks about them so much that you wish to stuff them with silicon. That is immoral.

Prude say - if a man is fixated with your boobies, remove all sharp objects from the room. You may be in danger.

Why go from fresh to flesh?

2007-09-15T09:21:00.000+10:00

I cannot understand this obsession with teeny bopper stars trying to look sexy when in fact they do not sexy they looks like silly looking girls who has had a fit and got dressed up in Mum's clothes and put on Mum's makeup.

One of course is the "new Delta Goodrem". Actually she does not look like a new Delta, nor does she look like the younger Delta Goodrem, who at least might have looked a bit OK, she was sympathetic. Now she has layered herself in makeup and cinched back her hair so it pull back her skin and she just look plain weird.

What is the problem? It mean little girls think the only way people respect them is if they is sexy. And that is not true. In fact it mean we respect you less and we think you look weird.

Delta seem like nice girl to start off with, then you hear she has some indelicate romances. Do they make her a big star? No, I is afraid not, they do not make her a role model, they make her fallen from grace. Then she try this look and it is even worse.

Young girls should have a positive role model, more like me.

Someone who know that by keeping your clothes on and staying true to yourself not running round with bad boys that is a true career and make people respect you. Most of all you respect yourself.

I cannot but look at these poor girls and feel anything but pity. Oh and disgust. They is not hot. They is not sexy. They is just sad.

Horny Old Bags

2007-09-06T22:28:00.001+10:00

Now this is something that I is not wanting to see, and I is thinking it is distasteful to many. Of course it could be worse but that is making me choke because it is already bad enough.

Of course I is referring to the Everlasting Love ads for home loans featuring sexy romps with Bill and Glenys Ferguson. They is both 79 years old and they should be old enough to know better than to be flashing their wrinkled skin and getting it on in the backyard for all to see. You should think at their age they should have grown some morals. It is about time I should say.

Sex is immoral at all ages. And it is disgusting that advertisers should try to use it to sell home loans. I mean next they will do something low like try to use it to sell cars or alcohol or clothes or holidays. You just don't know how far it will go if they get this far they could really push it so it must be stopping now.

But for old people to be sex romping? Now that makes me feel sick to the stomach. Where is the taste? Where is the role model? Where is the dignity?

I suppose it could be worse. They could be John and Janette Howard.

They could be Amanda Vanstone.

Oh sorry she is only one person. Sometimes I get confused.

They could be wearing nipple clamps and G-strings.

But it is still disgusting enough. I will rather live in a little hut built from sticks rather than buy a home loan from people who perpetuate such filth. It would be against my dignity. I will live in prudely honour. Hopefully it shall not come to that, but if it does ...

By my prudeness I say this!

Californication

2007-09-06T15:47:00.000+10:00

Not just crude and rude movies out there, but now this awful piece of TV show, something that has outraged good upright moral people and penguins everywhere . And Christians also you can see in this article are outraged.

It is very smutty and slutty. I is noticing a scene where a man is having oral sex in a church and that is not about being talked sexily to in a church though that would be tasteless enough. I mean after all those stories you hear about priests I do not think it is in community's best interests to give people sexy ideas in a church area. It only encourage people to do immoral acts.
The show stars David Duchovny who used to be in the X-Files but now he shall be forever tarred as Hank Moody, that disgusting man in Californication , the X-rated Files.

He enjoys drink, and drugs and women which is three very good reasons why you should not enjoy him. In any form.

I ask you: What would a noble penguin do?

Reflect. You know the answer in your heart. And make sure that chastity belt is kept firmly in place!

Crude & Rude Movies

2007-09-04T10:50:00.000+10:00

I is very disappointed in people nowadays. We is getting bombarded with unwholesome movies. Not only was there that disgusting Farce of the Penguins but now there is this utterly gross Superbad thing and then a very tasteless I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry .

Why is it that people thinks that sex and masturbation and other such filth is the source of the best comedy? I is saying right now to you that it is not. It is not something that need to be explored and put out in the public. It is not natural or to be talked about. I can say for the record I has not ever masturbated and if I did I would do it for medical purposes only under the direction and supervision of a doctor.

And then there is silly gay jokes and boobie jokes. Well that is not a joke at all, especially if it is Adam Sandler involved that is worse. Homosexuals should be decried as immoral not laughed about as if their movement - literal or metaphorical - was something to be regarded with levity. And Adam Sandler regard a woman' breast area not with the proper amount of modesty. I think it is disgusting.

We need some more family movies. Movies that make people go out there and savour the greatness that it is to be upright and moral and embrace the world in its fullness and not wish to lower yourself to tawdry things like sex. One that make people concentrate on important things like charity, environment, goood posture, exercise, harmony in life etc. I is thinking of releasing a good exercise video. The model of course would be penguin dancing and themes but I is open to other suggestions. Graceful stretches to promote good breathing and healthy thoughts. Excellent posture, which can fail those at time when one blogs too often. And so on.

At any rate, do not waste your time in a movie theatre with these movies. Good health also mean keeping a good clean mind!

Pingu comes tops

2007-08-17T19:38:00.000+10:00

Well, well, well. I said it about March of the Penguins. I said it about Happy Feet. I said it about Surf's Up.

Penguins is ruling the entertainment roost, and now they is coming to TV . We just can't get enough of them. They is the top rating tv show in the mornings . Go the penguin! Morality and nobility rule! And shove out those other morning show cacklers who think they is someone but cannot beat the power of the Penguin. The Penguin is Mightier than the Human Being Trying To Be Charismatic In The Morning. Not many humans is good in the mornings I has found but the penguins is. I think it comes from good penguin dance exercises early on in life, start at dawn.

The penguin who is doing so well is called Pingu . Not quite a Mr Jumbles but very respectable. Mr Jumbles is quite a fan and has bookmarked the Pingu website. Mr Jumbles likes to see his fellow penguins spread the good penguin word.

Now you all has something a bit more to brighten up your morning, and educate you further. What more could you want?

What is Zoo Thinking? Zoo Immoral People, Zoo!

2007-08-17T19:19:00.000+10:00

If it were possible for Zoo magazine to hit a minus integrity low, this disgusting immoral Big Boob Competition would be it.

First of all the magazine says win a big boob job for your girlfriend. Well I say it is disgusting that a man should be thinking of his girl's breasts let alone wishing they were very big.

He should be thinking of his partner in life, about her moral integrity. Her commitment to purpose in life. Her prudey ideals and intellectualism, somewhat like Prude's.

The idea he should be wanting big breasts in her (or on her) says one thing only - it means he is thinking of wicked things. You is knowing what I means. The eyes centre in on the chest and they is focussed not on her higher being.

The Editor of this magazine says that this is a most romantic gift to give a girlfriend.

What could be more romantic?

Many things.

A penguin suit.

A donation to a penguin charity, in her name.

A pet penguin or penguin doll.

Dinner set with penguin motif.

Trip to Antarctica (or Tasmania) for penguin sighting.

A Prudemobile.

DVD - "March of The Penguins" "Happy Feet".

Prude has many romantic gift ideas. No need to stoop to this plastic fantastic stuff!

This Farce - it is an Insult! No Punishment Too Bad for Bob Saget!

2007-08-02T10:24:00.000+10:00

I has read the reviews, and the articles, I has seen the advertising, I has unfortunately seen the website and that is too much. I will be boycotting that disgusting thing they is calling a film, The Farce Of The Penguins .

I recommend you all do the same.

My beloved film, the one that promote the greatness of the noble creature, the penguin, i.e. March Of The Penguins, has been utterly ridiculed by this disgusting attempt. Fortunately Luc Jacquet's masterpiece will hold strong because it is noble and Bob Saget's amateur stupidity shocker will fall flat on its face because it should.

I advise anyone who actually keeps his old Full House videos to make a bonfire of them and dance around them gleefully saying "Good riddance to Bob Saget!" Hmmm. I know what will keep me busy this afternoon.

Farce Of the Penguins is not about nobility and restraint or chastity it inaccurately show penguins as hedonistic creatures who go to immoral places such as nightclubs in the hunt for flings and casual sex. This show inaccurate research and I think there may be a lawsuit in there for slander. Mr Jumbles is studying it up. Bob Saget be wary in case many penguins file defamation suits against you.

On the other hand many robed penguins may simply come to your door one time in the middle of the night and drag you out and teach you a lesson. Perhaps slapping your botty with dead fish and dancing a jig around you. How would you like that? You may even be left with a little penguin of death logo drawn on your forehead as a reminder of your wrongdoings.

Of course if that should happen you did not read it here. I is merely speculating. But it would be justice.

Welcome the PrudeMobile!

2007-08-01T13:32:00.000+10:00

Blogger GT asked recently, what kind of car would prude have if she had a car?

That is a very interesting question. For at the moment Prude do not have a car. She walks most places or she has caught the bus or train. A couple of times she has caught a taxi but taxi drivers are not very polite in general. And some has appalling English skills, unlike Prude here whose English skills is second to none.

Walking is very good for the body as well as good for the environment, and a Dream PrudeMobile would definitely reflect those values. It would be fuel efficient. In fact, if possible Prude would have invented some revolutionary way in the future to have used up something that no one want anymore and have no carbon emissions at all.

Perhaps she could design a certain way to power a car on dinner leftovers, spam emails, politicians' broken promises and policies, lost paperclips, pez containers and introductory offers to credit card companies, without there being any emissions. This would be a great boon for the environment.

Her car would be ergonomically designed to support the back and give good posture, for a good penguin always sit upright. PrudeMobiles would be available in noble colours, white, black and white, and blue and white.

Such a car would be spick and span because prude detest rubbish. There would be a large roomy area for holding a box to collect penguin charity donations, and a brush should one's penguin suit need a bit of maintenance.

A CD player installed in the car would recite Prude's incantations as she drove through the streets, in the hope of converting the sinners she pass. "Chastity! Do not forget chastity! It is Good to be a Prude! Do not think about sex! Be chaste! Do not give into earthly disgusting temptations! Hold yourself high and be above wickedness!"

Near where the accelerator and brake is, there would be room to let your idle foot do a good penguin dance limbering up exercise.

It would be driven at a moderate speed. Prude detest this idea of racing against hoons. It is dangerous and rough and stupid. Also, if you drive more moderately the more likely pedestrians and passers-by will hear your Prude message and be converted than if you buzz by hardly seen.

Safety. Beauty. Upholding Righteous Values. Body, mind and soul in harmony.

The Prudemobile embody them all.

Disney's Finding Nemo: Skating On Thin Ice

2007-07-20T09:46:00.000+10:00

Finding Nemo I think is a good wholesome movie in many ways. It does not contain penguins but the fish in it are quite friendly creatures and as I say I am a penguin fan but this do not mean I do not appreciate other forms of wildlife. I am partial to a bit of fish. Indeed.

However, I is shocked to find out that Disney, that children's production company, that one who has brought to us such icons as the great Mickey Mouse, has decided to desecrate our great Barrier Reef movie with its Disney production, Finding Nemo: Disney On Ice Production.

It is with great sadness I show you some of the Disney On Ice production pictures.

Our great Nemo and Dory and other characters have been ruined. What were lovely innocent fish swimming in the sea have now been ridiculed. They has been made into costumes by skaters that have been modified for the sexual gratification of insensitive designers, I must say this is the only reasonable explanation I can come up with.

These suggestive protuberances!

The goggle eyes of a clownfish which protrude straight from the chest area! What more can I say that will convince you this is an extremely disgusting interpretation of an otherwise moral tale.

I hate to know how they show the sea cucumber.

I call on you to protest against this, and to protect your children from such filthy images. Children should not think of fish in this way.

I is truly horrified.

Friends For Friendless

2007-07-19T18:32:00.000+10:00

My very good blogger friend Friendless (hmmm?) posted recently that he missed the many pictures that used to pervade prudesmission. He complained that "Mr Jumbles just didn't do it for him any more." In light of that, I am now going to put up many pictures. They are from that enlightened website Club Penguin. I could think of nowhere else where you could meet happier and more jolly penguin friends.

I am thinking, these are very good and they certainly are making me feel tingly and happy.

Though I am still a big Mr Jumbles fan. What do you think Friendless? An improvement?

Rate your penguin. I rather like the treadmill penguin, and the dancing musical penguin - very graceful. I think it is important for penguins to be fit I rather fancied myself a dancing gymnastics prude at one stage, it is very good for one's body, a healthy and graceful sport until you fall over in mid-cartwheel backwards leap - hmmm hmm. That is a great putter-offer. It can scar one for life especially if the whole school is watching and your gym tunic ....

Oh prude has some dark skeletons in her closet.

Club Penguin

2007-07-18T22:29:00.000+10:00

Penguins and Purity.

Penguins and Innocence.

The concepts is inextricably linked, and here is the proof of the penguin pudding.

Welcome to Club Penguin

Where you is safe from predators and mummies and daddies make sure no questionable types waddle about.

They say it is like a MySpace without the adults and sex and bullying and with the penguins. I mean, there is no disadvantages and much advantages. The people who created this chose the penguin symbol.

Now, was it a conscious decision?

The penguin stand for all that is good and pure, the defender of a website as Mr Jumbles ardently defends mine from fools and cruel beings, with a passion and nobility only he have. Oh, and I have.

Some of my detractors will say "Prude, it were a random choice. Just picked an animal. Any animal."

I will say it was not. Even if the choice were not deliberate it were subconscious because the knowledge that the penguin stand for the pure in our hearts is deep within our souls. Look for it. It is there. Join Club Penguin and bring out the penguin in yourself.

Non-Prude Employment Opportunities

2007-07-05T21:05:00.000+10:00

I has advocated penguin saving and penguin charity collecting. I has told people of the good of advocating chastity. Actually I do not think it would be a bad thing to become a surgeon if castration were a learnt art. It may stop some men going where it were not belonged. For some men I think it is the only way, they has not the self restraint otherwise.

However there is a knew job out that is trying to undo all my good work and I thinks they should be told off. Really. They is advocating the jiggety jig. And even making a competition out of it! It is a condom testing job and you get free products as payment. Hmmm. And since it is in testing stage you realise you may get some undesirable freebies out of it too, you know.

Anyhow, is that how it is rated, if you come back with undesirable freebies you rate it bad and they say sorry you had sextuplets and AIDS but I guess we had a bad condom in the pack - by the way you get some free condoms for your trouble?

Also you will be looked down by all your friends, not just because you is dying soon not just because of AIDS but because it is difficult to support sextuplets, and you is trying to remember six different types of nursery rhymes for them and that is a chore, but also because you has been loose and unchaste and there is real evidence for it now. No hiding. No going back. You is not part of the Virtuous Penguin Prude Society. Shame Shame Shame. And you will have that marking you to your grave.

A roll in the hay and a pack of free rubbers is not worth it.

Condom testing:

You could test to see if they could substitute well as party balloons.
You could test to see if you hang them up outside, they catch enough water on a rainy day to be environmentally friendly.
You could try putting markings on them and using them as substitutes for measuring instruments in the kitchen, 30 millilitres, etc

But to use them as an excuse to ruin your life is a disgrace. Remember, if it's on .... it's not on! And if it's not on ... it's not on either!

The Last ... Thing Mr Cruise Should have picked from the Samurai Wardrobe

2007-06-18T15:14:00.000+10:00

Hmmm. I has had some mixed thoughts on Tom Cruise. He has nice white teeth, which indicate good dental hygiene and that I like. He flirt with buxom lady in Top Gun, that I frown upon as a good Prude does. He has a strong purpose in Scientology which I relate to even if mine is in Prude Activism. He made a movie called Cocktail which has a questionable title never mind about the content. I mean, really, disregard the content. Really.

But he really lost my respect mostly when I watch The Last Samurai. It was going not too badly even though there were not the requisite penguins which usually make a Holly hit nowadays, as directors seem to have twigged, but Japanese warriors seemed to have been their substitute. Then near the end Tom Cruise tries out some samurai moves which he is not that good at, but worse still he put on a dress.

Now a robe look appropriate on the monk.

On Tom Cruise it look like he is a drag queen. It was also bunched up round the waist and bellowed out - the real muffin top look. Oh horror of horrors.

Some men like Scots bagpipers can pull off a skirt. Hmmm, how did that read? I mean they can wear one and while some giggle at Scots bagpipers it is somewhat respectable.

Tom Cruise, he just look wrong.

What is really sad about this is I hear he is a father. This is a man he will be passing certain wardrobe fashions down to the next generation. I say there ought to be standardised tests for parents. Them who do this should be sterilised.

Prude Meets Someone 'Different'

2007-06-05T16:37:00.000+10:00

Prude is walking down along the street on day when she meets someone who chats to her, again trying to gain her attention, and no, this time it were not one of those Elders. However, he is definitely someone different. Prudey was just acting like a normal sensible citizen, minding her own business, walking down the street inconspicuously in a penguin suit with chastity belt rattling underneath, like any other normal chaste good citizen would be doing, a little bit of a penguin dance step in her toe.

And then this rather strange individual walk by her side. He at first do not look too odd. He look just like many of the unfortunately unfashionable and not-very-intelligent loooking men that one see on the street nowadays i.e. very average. He has a stupid haircut, baggy T-shirt, ill-fitting shorts and they is faded and old, and a goofy smile on his face. I think "idiot alert" but that is what I is thinking when I is meeting over 90% of the population nowadays. The other 9.9% or so I is most often thinking something worse.

The conversation go something like this:

IDIOT: Do you have the time?

PRUDE: Sorry I do not. The penguin suit go over the wrist and not many watches can go over the large comfy texture of the penguin suit. However I do not see this as a major disadvantage.

IDIOT: I like to know the time because I need to go to my dance lessons - cha cha cha. cha cha cha. cha cha cha.

PRUDE: Your enthusiasm is admirable, However your rhythm and moves not so. I thinks you would be much improved by learning the penguin dance, and devoting more time to solid exercise routine as I do, it is a much more noble dance ...

IDIOT: Do you think I'm sexy?

PRUDE: [pause in shock, but not for long.] You outrageous disgusting lowlife! I shall report you to the Prude Reformers' Society! I shall file a complaint! Prude have never been so insulted in her life! This is what I think is known as a ... pick up ... it is only used on loooooooooose women ... I is not one of those ... I is wearing a chastity belt can you not hear it?!

IDIOT: Because my boyfriend thinks I am.

PRUDE: [more pauses in shock] Ugh! You is one of those! THOSE THINGS!

IDIOT: I used to do the modelling, you know?

PRUDE: You? You is just wearing some disgusting T-shirt! You is not even wearing a nicely pressed penguin suit!

IDIOT: I like the bikini, you know?

PRUDE: Hmmm. You is needing serious moral help. You ought to read an instructional article about the immorality of the bikini . But you is a man! Oh this is more ...

IDIOT: I like getting dressed up, I like the hair, and the make up and the high heels and the hand-bag you know?

PRUDE: It is not often prudey thinks of someone as beyond help. But perhaps you is it. You is putting pictures in Prude's mind she does not wish to see. Oh help cleanse my mind please ....

IDIOT: I'm going to go to the beach after my dance lesson. With four girls. I'm the only guy, but I like to think of myself as one of the girls.

PRUDE: I is feeling faint.

IDIOT: It's good to be different, don't you think?

PRUDE: It is good to be different from Burger Boy. It is good to be different from Michael Jackson, It is good to be different from Paris Hilton. It is especially good to be different from you. However .... I fear you is the wrong kind of different.

I would have fainted right there and then had I not thought there may be a chance he might catch me and I might be touched by one of THOSE people!

I saved my fainting for when he jogged round the corner to his cha cha cha class.

Surf's Up, Penguin Supporters!

2007-05-16T23:40:00.000+10:00

Now it is true Prude has not said a great deal about surfing on her blog. However that is not the point. She has indeed said a lot about penguins. That is a fact. She has been a proud supporter of penguin movies. That is another fact. March Of The Penguins and Happy Feet are two of her favourite movies. And now another Penguin Movie is coming out.

Surf's Up

It is a true story movie about a penguin called Cody Maverick who is going to the Penguin Surfing Championships. I did not know about this competition but you learn something new all the time. It is a true story, it say.

This movie show that Penguins have achieved high power and status in media as they deserve. They is moral beings. It is right for people to look up to them. I say this is a good thing. I would like to say I is proud of the part my blog has played in bringing awareness of penguins to modern culture and allowing creative people to see that there is nothing wrong and there is much right about expressing yourself through the penguin theme.

Go forwards. Go upwards. I is proud of you. Show us, penguins, what you is really made of.

Postscript: A Gay Working Day

2007-05-15T17:06:00.000+10:00

Hmmm; I mentions that Gay Hamilton might be better off in the tmes of Enid Blyton, but considering Enid Blyton's fascination with Fanny and Dick and their chasing one another about everywhere and getting up to mischief, perhaps not the best example Prude could have thoughts up at the time for The Age Of Innocence.

A Gay Working Day

2007-05-08T21:32:00.001+10:00

There is some people who talks about equality in the workplace. But that is not completely true. For instance, if you is like Prude and you is a better smarter more moral worker, then you should be more respected. You has earned it. Even if it is not equal. And if someone is a criminal, like someone who has drunk up all the milk in the refrigerator or put nasty thumbtacks on your favourite chair knowing quite well it is you who always occupies it (I shall find out who it was yet) then they should not be well respected. They is low and unethical.

In such a position was Gay Hamilton who would have been quite chirpy perhaps if she had been about in the times of Enid Blyton. However it is important to make her understand that times have changed. Times is not so innocent any more and being gay or even being called Gay is quite queer and it give off a wrong smell to people. They pick it up on the air and they either run or they want a complete makeover.

Either way they treat you, by running away screaming, or start talking to you in a high-pitch voice wanting interior design tips, it is not professional.

Therefore it is quite right for them to fire her.

She can change her name by deed poll to something more flattering and dignified. Unfortunately the name Prude has been taken but I is sure something else will do.

*The computer system which detect this typeof error was very sophisticated. It also refused subscriptions of Yvette Rand and Yvonne Horn when subscription usernames were processed using surname plus first name initial. Blame the parents.

Respect Your Elder: Part 2

2007-05-01T23:18:00.000+10:00

It is not even a month since I see Elder Spina in Hyde Park and then Elder Han approach me just recently. He is another troubled one with a lot of spin.

I try to explain I has heard his message and is not particularly impressed, but on he barge.

"Don't you want to live with your family forever? That is the message we teach, the purpose of life," he say.

"I is a more modern female," I point out. "You seem like a Mummy's Boy. Perhaps you ought to think about planning to move out one day and do your own cooking and ironing. I for one is responsible for the maintenance of my penguin suit entirely. And I do not have a Mummy wake me up to do my penguin dance exercises, I wake myself up. That is how a grown up lives."

I thinks these people has good hearts, but they is rather confused and not very mature, clear thinking or independent.

Not like Prude.

Richard Gere is a Dick

2007-04-28T22:22:00.000+10:00

Morality is not exactly something we associate with movie stars, with the exception of perhaps the lead penguins in Happy Feet and March Of The Penguins.

However I digress because Richard Gere is not a penguin. This is both a good thing and a bad thing. It is a good thing because if he were he would be a disgrace to the penguin name (mr Jumbles nods vigorously here) but it is a bad thing because if he were one he would not have conducted himself in such a disgusting manner in the first place, anyhow.

I is referring of course to the now world famous OBSCENE KISS which has been heard about all over and may now land Richard Gere in gaol.

He was pashing Shilpa Shetty. Oh yes, that is her real last name, I is not making it up and it is quite rightly a downright dirty-sounding one. She has been quite tarnished.

He may now face gaol. And quite right too. Someone ought to be made an example of. It is a pity they ought not all go to gaol, people who outrage those who have some sense of dignity and do not make overt signs of affection. Like Prude here.

I has always advocated dignity and said quite strongly NO INTIMACY IN PUBLIC. A very strong objection to the John-Howard-holding-hands-with-Janette in public debacle was fully supported by myself.

Gere has joined the ranks of these people who has similarly shown affection in public and has not restrained his feelings. Such animals must be stopped. It is disgusting. It is immoral.

They should all be forced to take lessons from Prude. Gere say he support AIDS awareness, but just say he passes on some nasties by his uncontrollable passions? It seems he is a hypocrite. If you is against sexually transmittable diseases you should observe all restraint, from the start. Hands off I say.

There's no pleasing some people ...

2007-04-25T19:25:00.000+10:00

We should all perform public services. Sometimes in this immoral world of ours people think only of how they can please themselves without thinking of the common good.

Prude is a shining example of how people can give back to the community. No no, it is not just how she shine a great moral light by collecting money for charity and promoting the penguin dance for all (though this is highly appreciated I am sure by many).

It is little acts that count, and you too can learn.

For instance, Prude was walking in the city recently, collecting for charity, where a doddery old lady who was clearly past it was attempting to hail a taxi, with not much success. They ignore her.

"Little Old Lady, they is ignoring you because you is small and slow," I point out. "Let me help."

"Hmmm, I is usually able to get a cab," she say. "They see me fine."

"It is probably because you have shrivelled even smaller lately. That happens at your age. Faster and faster."

"It is probably a bad day for taxis."

"I think it is because you is slow on your feet to run for them, too," I says.

I try a few times and I hails her a taxi. They see me quite clearly and Little Old Lady struggle in.

"Where you wanna go?" say the taxi driver.

"It is not for me, it is for the Little Old Lady," I explain. "WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO?" I ask, as everyone know you get hard of hearing when you is old.

"I is not deaf," reply Little Old Lady, indignantly.

"See it is not a bad day for taxis. I has got you a taxi."

"Eventually," she say, a bit sarcastic and ungrateful I think. "Mostly I think it is that they notice your rather strange and ridiculous penguin suit!"

How dare she mock my penguin suit! After what I has done for her! I would retort back, but I respect my elders. Otherwise, there may have been a very undignified scuffle!

Respect Your Elder

2007-04-11T23:04:00.000+10:00

Prude was walking through Hyde Park recently. She dodged the charity collector for AIDS who is always there. Prude does not like giving to AIDS charities; she has read about AIDS. It seems from her pamphlet reading which she think is the best source of accurate information, many of those who call themselves AIDS victims has been loose about sex or drugs or has even worse - been homosexual. And that is something Prude do not support, so she support different charities instead. She is a great charity giver and collector, as her avid readers know.

She is also a great lover of nature, and brisk walks, which is why she walk through Hyde Park. It is this day when a nice man in a suit - not quite a penguin suit but he is getting there - stop her and say politely:

"Hello. I am Elder Spina. How are you today?"

"I is good, how is you," Prude replies. Prude says this nicely as Prude is a well-brought up female. She respects her elder.

"I am well thank you."

"I respect my Elder, however I do not think much of Spinners. I is a direct and honest type. I think that is virtuous," I say.

"Hmmm," say Elder Spina. "I am Elder Spina but I am not a Spinner. I speak honestly."

"Is you saying you is disowning and dishonouring your family?" I ask. Prude is getting suspicious and beginning to learn respect. A pity as he seemed a well dressed and potentially, easily, convertible man. I was thinking about how he could well be a spokesperson for my mission.

"No, I am called Spina, but I am not as I appear, I mean, I mean, I talk truly, but I honour the Spinas, yet I do not think highly of Spinners, just like you, that is what I mean."

"Hmmm," Prude is thinking this fellow may be in need of psychological assessment. "I is called Prude and I is prude. I think you may need help."

He is mumbling something about the Lord or about "Oh Lord" but I thinks he needs serious counselling. Unfortunately it is not my specialist area, but in recommending this to him I feel I has done my bit and now it is up to him to put his foot upon the path to see the light.

Perhaps when he is healed I shall come back to the Park and convert him. I see potential. He was reaching out!

Prude Loses Her Virginity

2007-04-01T00:12:00.000+10:00

Did I not say Autumn related to The Fall?

Alas, alas!

I has not been having a good feeling in my stomach since the incident, but Prude believe in the Truth, and the tale must be told for the edification and warning of her readers. It involve Prude and Burger Boy. I am glad to say Mr Jumbles were not also involved. Prude may no longer be perfect, but she is not that depraved. Also, Mr Jumbles has never been THAT way. And Burger Boy only ever thought of penguins as in penguin meat for his burgers (I is sorry to have not reported any progress in that area).

I was about the Burger Area when I is talking to Burger Boy.

"Do you know how important chastity is and fighting the cause for penguins is?" I ask, for about the millionth time that evening. He look at me with what I think is suddenly a look of enlightenment - at least, his eyes have a gleam in it.

"Hmmm," he say. "Prude, I has something for you. It is actually in my apartment."

"A cheque for a penguin charity?" I ask, "Oh yes, Burger Boy, I has converted you at last!"

"Come along and fetch it," he says.

I trots along after him and we is in his apartment, which is very messy just like many young boys apartments is. "I has to look for the cheque. Here is a glass of milk, have a drink while I look," says Burger Boy.

A glass of milk is my favourite drink as readers know and I cannot resist. I drink it all up ...

But suddenly my head is spinning. I is feeling red, and dizzy and suddenly I goes black. I think I thumps to the ground.

The next thing I remember is being in the apartment with my penguin suit off and in a little room with my chastity belt cut off with some metal clippers! Oh no! Burger Boy was very wicked!

I shall not go into much detail into the rest except to say I is no longer as pure as the driven snow.

I is feeling a lot of strange feelings now, as I left the Burger Boy's room.

I wants to feel disgust. Sex is disgusting. It is immoral.

Hmmm, but also I wants to remember, when is Burger Boy having lunch at the Burger place again?

Prudey Penguin Politics

2007-03-27T19:02:00.001+10:00

Aaaah! The election is over and I had not seen one candidate standing for good strong prudey values. In fact I had not seen one candidate standing for anything much. If Mr Jumbles was a politician, I would have voted for him, but he could not be a politician.

"Prude," he say to me, "Nowadays, being a politician is undignified. It is also unchaste!"

He is right of course. Look at Bill Clinton and Pauline Hanson. Whatever happened to the days when the most bad thing you could do in politics was chop off a few heads? Now it is bedding whoever knows who and dirtying your moral character. It is disgusting. No wonder penguins do not stand for election.

Now, a Senator wrote to me recently, touting some moral standpoint (ha! These are usually the first to crumble. Apart from prude, few can held onto their morals in the face of public opposition and the temptation of great powers, like this blog give me!)

He write (this is Senator Steve Fielding of Family First) that this is one of his aims:

TV ADVERTISING STANDARDS
No one in government is responsible for TV ads. It appears no one in the Howard Government is responsible for what our kids see on TV. Recently FAMILY FIRST quizzed Ministers trying to find out who is responsible for TV advertising and standards. Raunchy evening TV ads promote phone sex, dating services and lewd mobile phone screensavers and FAMILY FIRST wants to know how such smut and filth is allowed.

Hmmm, Mr Fielding has admirable intentions however he goes not far enough.

Prude's agenda for TV standards:

It is not enough to just know who is responsible and find out what is allowed. Who care how much is allowed, just get this gross disgusting filth off our screens. This is like instead of vacuuming your floor you ask the carpet how much dust it allows. Instead whoever is responsible should be sentenced to ten years of listening to karaoke, that should fix him/her.

Then there should also be some good shows on about the majesty of penguins and a morning show on penguin dance limber-up exercises. It would improve society no end.

No wonder elections are a waste of time.

Egg On A Stick

2007-03-21T14:05:00.000+11:00

Now Blogger Lexicon Harlot felt a bit queasy about my recipe forbrussel sprouts, tofu and boiled eggs kebabs. I cannot say I entirely blame her, even though I am partial to boiled egg myself. They taste nice. Also they is nice and white and whiteness is pure, just like milk. It remind me of the world before it turned naughty.

However, it remind certain others of different things. My lovely friend say to me, "They is chicken's periods" and when you think about it like this, the egg on a stick I proposed to Alexis has some unfortunate sexual connotations. I suppose this is just for some people who has dirty minds. Prude tries not to think of sexual connotations of food and just swallows it down.

But they is everywhere. And everyone seems to be trying to remind me of them.

Whatever happened to that roast dinner when the little dutch carrot was sitting next to the potato in the tray? Now people start telling me the little dutch carrot is feeling inadequate. Oh I mourn for innocent times when a carrot and a potato roast was a wholesome family meal!

Sausages and eggs for breakfast can no longer be thought of the same way again. Especially when that sausage peek out from between two little roasted onions ...

I is thinking these thoughts of food and the lascivious world when I comes across Burger Boy - eating again.

"What is that you is eating, Burger Boy?" I ask.

"Egg roll," he say, grinning rudely, and chomps into a rather large French stick.

I is feeling giddy.

The Proud History Of The Chastity Belt

2007-03-20T12:24:00.000+11:00

It has come to my attention that some have made fun of me because I wears a chastity belt. Now this is completely unwarranted and is in fact quite ignorant as the chastity belt has a very dignified history.

Just as Prude has a dignified history. For the edification of naysayers:

Early Days

Some thinks that chastity belts was first worn by loose women, i.e. low class medieval women. They thinks of farmers and serfs with low class women with loose hair and loose morals who cannot be controlled. The farmer goes working out in the fields all day and they pin the chastity belt on some trashy woman.

In fact the chastity belt was not used like that at all. It was used mostly by rich high class people so it symbolises upper class and wealth. It was more a Renaissassance period thing anyhow.

Loose Women?

Some says to me, "Prude, if you think you is so good and moral, why do you wear a chastity belt, I thought this was for LOOSE WOMEN!" Then they snigger in an effort to degrade me, as if such ignorant people could turn Prude away from her mission!

The chastity belt for me is many things, importantly it is a symbolic reference to chastity. I know I is a role model to the many who has strayed from the path of righteousness. They looks up to me. I must lead the way. I must use SYMBOLS to show my purity overtly for them.

Secondly, while I is moral, not all others is. In a perfect world, for instance, a PENGUIN HEAVEN, there would be no need for chastity belts, everyone would be asexual, free from constraints, and have no sexual thoughts but have no need for belts either. We would not have sex but not need to wear the belt either.

However in this lewd world of us sadly not all is as moral as Mr Jumbles and myself. (Mr Jumbles nods sagely at this time.) The chastity belt is not so much to stop me from resisting the temptation of urges, as I have not lewd urges and I have dignity and self-control and morals. However it stops others from getting in!

It is a sad society when we has to use a lock and key to stop the evils from getting in but I assure you - that is what kind of degenerate world we is coming to.

Personal Hygiene

Some thinks that a chastity belt is not very hygienic. I assure you this is not the case. Just like your underwear, it is all in how you care for it and maintain it, and how it is made in the first place. Prude is very careful of personal hygiene. We is in the age of technology not in the dark ages!

The Age Of Technology

I has pointed out that a song has been written telling prudes to Shake Rattle And Roll their chastity belts, and I say I do so with pride. We must identify ourselves as of The Chastity Belt Wearer Union, those of the Belted Up Group (BUGgers, we are). I is expecting to see great innovations in Chastity Belt technology rapidly developing in this century. You can already shake and rattle in them, and they is already very clean and convenient and comfortable. I is expecting the ability to play chess with them, have a drink-and-biscuit dispenser in them for afternoon tea, and an internet connection in them soon, and they is supposed to sort my mail and knit my woollens for me.

Further Notes for Chastity Belt Wearers

I was rattling my belt loudly in the burger shop recently. Do not be put off by the nasty looks of patrons. They is not understanding of your mission.

Burger Boy was nearby, he says to me, "What is that noise, Prude?"

I says, "Burger Boy, it is my chastity belt!"

He says, "Kinky!"

It is good that he is interested, but sometimes I think my efforts to reform the boy are somewhat wasted.

Blush at the Godlessness

2007-03-16T18:07:00.000+11:00

Vanity is immoral. But it pervade the Earth anyhow.

The immoral painting of faces so people looks like whores has gone so far, even angels swallow it.

Prudes, unite and resist such exhibitionism.

Why Don't Penguins' Feet Freeze?

2007-03-15T22:47:00.000+11:00

Penguins' Feet Do Not Freeze Because: (a stupid question I feel compelled to answer)

1. They do the penguin dance each morning as their limber up exercise. This keep the blood flowing to their feet and keep them nice and warm.

2. It is hell that freeze over, not heaven, and penguins is good moral creatures that do not go to hell.

3. Penguins is not stupid they is wise creatures. They wear their woollens and they remember their feet. Not like certain species who forget things all the time - their woollens, their morals, they is quite loose with them all.

4. Penguins do not have casual sex, so they do not wake up the next morning finding some strange penguin next to them has stolen the blankets and pulled them off their feet. They tucks themselves in tight each night and that is the way they stays. The advantage of chastity. Among many.

5. Penguins do not sleep in the freezer. They has special penguin-beds. Mr Jumbles will attest to that.

Mr Jumbles say: That is true, Prude.

I trust I has disseminated great penguin knowledge to all and sundry today.

Ouch!

2007-03-09T21:42:00.000+11:00

A chastity belt is a fine moral piece of wear, however I would just like to report that it is not a comfortable piece to be wearing when a Prude falls from a float into a crowd and is somewhat laid up and bandaged. Hmmm. The chaffing factor in certain areas. What protects at some times, also becomes thine enemy. Or something I think like that. Anyhow it sound good and somewhat dignified.

Prude goes through a lot for her mission. It is a pity not all appreciate this.

Shock! At The Immoral Mardi Gras

2007-03-06T12:09:00.000+11:00

There is a very true saying that it is a disgusting thought, the thought of your parents shagging. Well actually Prude is disgusted at the thought of ANYONE shagging but this includes parents too so it is the same thing.

Anyhow Prude has been away from blogging for a few days because she has been recovering from shock and indignation at something most disgusting. She will tell her tale. And she trusts her readers have been in the good care of Mr Jumbles while she has been recovering.

On the weekend a most immoral event was taking place - that of the Sydney Gay And Lesbian Mardi Gras. Why oh Why do people who is already indulging in immoral acts need to flaunt them in our faces - they ought to be in their houses asamed of themselves thinking over their sins and repenting and trying to find the good path. Instead they dress up in bright costumes (sadly not penguin suits and collecting for charity) and jump about on floats and has loud music.

What is more disgusting is the government actually encourage this.

Well Prude does not.

Prude is going to protest, most loudly.

She is getting into her penguin suit and has her megaphone, and she is tottering down to the parade, her chastity belt rattling. Some drunken people say something about great costume but I ignores them for they is being sarcastic I think. Anyhow you should not pay attention to drunks.

I jumps into the parade and onto a tall float and start calling out.

"THIS IS AN IMMORAL DISPLAY! SEX IS A SIN!" Except I did not get that far because I looks out into the crowd and what do I see?

I see PRUDE'S PARENTS!

They is in the crowd of onlookers shouting and wacving sparklers and watching the floats! They is supporting this abomination!

If there is something worse than your parents shagging it is your parents supporting homosexuality!

I do not remember much more except a choking feeling and my head spinning and some bright lights. I think I fet like my head crashed. I tried to call out "Don't touch me sinners Chastity will prevail and I will be saved" but it came out like a gargle.

Anyhow I is now wearing lots of bandages.

All I can say is lucky I was wearing a strong penguin suit it broke my fall. Did I not say something about Autumn being a time for the Fall?

Penguin suits are useful, invest in one.

Autumn, Prudeness and The Fall

2007-03-01T09:45:00.000+11:00

Happy Autumn everyone! However, I warn you, BE WARNED. This is a season where you must watch out and hold on tightly to your chastity belts.

In the United States Autumn is called Fall.

This is very ominous I think. It is a season warning you may be susceptible to falling. That is to temptation. What does the Fall mean? It means falling to evil.

Now I do not wish to go into details to give you bad ideas but girls this means not to let boys lead you into their sexual hanky-pankies. That would be falling into badness and you would be wandering around like a loose autumn leaf from a tree, blowing about in the wind. And being loose is never an admirable female attribute. "Oh that woman is loose." You do not want that said about you. It is not a compliment.

Prude give out her warning right here at the beginning of Autumn and hope you follow it for the season and maintain your dignity. Do her proud. Remain a prude.

Mr Jumbles say: Prude, you speak wise words

Happy Feet Is Victorious!!!

2007-02-28T15:17:00.000+11:00

In a great victory for both penguinkind and prudekind, the remarkable movie 'Happy Feet' has been recognised by the Academy Awards as the best animated picture.

I has four words for you.

I TOLD YOU SO.

Penguins is high moral creatures. People had to recognise this superiority sometime. There time has come. They has been vindicated. This does not mean their work has been finished, oh no. However it do mean that we has shown the world something - that disbelievers are getting fewer. However we is far from done. Today it is the Academy Awards - next penguin step is the UNIVERSE!

Penguins is truly great. They can do anything.

I celebrate this great occasion with a very happy penguin dance in their honour. How about you?

Thank you for acknowledging the superiority of penguins!

2007-02-23T10:07:00.000+11:00

As some avid Sydney Morning Herald bloggers may know, Prude has been insulted sometimes by a few blog-writers who mistakenly think they is above her instead of vice versa. One of these blog-writers is Sam De Brito, writer of the blog All Men Are Liars .

Hmmm.

However I has had my victory recently, Mr De Brito has caved in and admitted Prude has been correct all along. In his article Promiscuity: Why Slutting Around Is Good For The Species (a theory Prude of course does NOT subscribe to!) Mr De Brito has pointed out that humans is often rooting around and that monogamy has often been touted as a higher form of living (Note: readers, this is because it is!). He says that some species has naturally evolved not to have the urge to root around and has NATURALLY developed monogamy i.e. the higher form of living.

Unlike humans.

He has pointed out several animals who has moved on to higher evolutionary forms:

Penguins
Swans
Mallard Ducks

Hooray for penguins.

He try to use this argument to say that humans should just have sex all the time instead of avoiding the real question - that we should attempt to evolve into higher beings or imitate them. His argument is silly - it is like saying we should never progress if it do not come at baby stage. I suppose he will never be a great inventor or crusader.

The little he will accomplish in life is the acknowledgement of the evolutionary greatness of the penguin.

*If you would like to congratulate Sam De Brito on his acknowledgement of Prude and encourage this ugly duckling to become a Swan or even better a Penguin, contact him at samdebrito@gmail.com

So many losers in the search for the inner prude ...

2007-02-23T09:39:00.000+11:00

Now, Prude has told you all that there is many trials and tribulations one goes through in the crusade for prudity. It is not an easy battle, but it must be fought for the sake of RIGHTEOUSNESS.

I think that is not a difficult concept for good-thinking people to understand.

A person, I hesitate to call him "friend" for obvious reasons, because his name is Friendless and Prude always go by logic, alerted me to an article in the Sydney Morning Herald which quite rightly conclude that "It is time women seized back their inner prude". Actually it is time for men as well but over 50% is not too bad. Most people do not score so high on the prude scale except myself and Mr Jumbles, I have sadly found.

This article is by a Ms Miranda Devine.

Unfortunately the article has to trawl through a rather grotesque description of sickly sexual descriptions in order to reach this conclusion. Why oh why must we be subjected to this gratuitous stuff? I mean I do not think explicit discussions of crotch-waggling and high-mile-club doings is of importance to the point which is that of the nobility of CHASTITY. And the nobility of CHASTITY is axiomatic.

Not only this but it highlight the important point that young women and old women are not finding out the nobility of chastity until they has first subjugated themselves to the evils of the flesh. They has first to be whores and pornstars before they can be angels and penguins.

So why is it that we must be so lascivious to reach a prudish conclusion? I despair of what this world is coming to. Prude cries for the dearth of goodness in the world.

Oh give her a glass of nice cool milk!

*Those of you who wish to protest to Miranda Devine about the imbalance of dignified reporting and attempts at converting people to the good path versus the descriptions of lascivious acts and explicit sexual references in a site readily accessible to FAMILY VIEWING may contact her at devinemiranda@hotmail.com

Helen Garner And The Meaning Of Everything

2007-02-18T15:46:00.000+11:00

This is not the most dignified picture of a penguin I has ever seen, but a book that has a picture of a penguin and "The Meaning of Everything" in the title.

I think it has to be on to something.

Well done Alex Jones. The Meaning Of Everything acknowledges the higher place of penguins in society as noted by lots of people using penguin costumes which ought to be done more often to achieve their higher ends. I myself use a penguin costume. I know what I is talking about!

The True Meaning Of Valentine's Day

2007-02-16T21:35:00.000+11:00

What is the true meaning of Valentine's Day? It is TRUE LOVE. However often people's is not thinking about this at all. True love is very caring and altruistic. It is also very dignified. It is as I have said, like that you see when a penguin couple walk side by side. It is all back to the penguins. They are upright, splendid creatures. They do not fawn or giggle. They do not exchange lecherous glances. They is displaying commitment to one another, as a good penguin couple ought.

That is what true love is about.

Unfortunately I did an investigation into true love on Valentine's Day this year (2007 for the not well-adjusted or well-informed) and it seem the human population is not as far ahead in their thinking.

They buy expensive roses and chocolates for Valentine's day. That is not too bad. Prude actually is quite partial to a chocolate herself especially as one main ingredient of chocolate is milk. They is quite sweet and scrumptious. She is not proposing a ban on chocolates by any means.

However the sentiments that goes with them is not all that dignified. Nor is people's behaviour.

They go crazy after red roses. They get a whiff. They see a nicely wrapped bouquet or even a pack of not nicely wrapped bouquets and they go hungry like animals in heat and they rush towards stall sellers, pushing aside peoples i.e. myself and Mr Jumbles in a desperate effort to throw away hundreds of dollars on some wilting red flowers. Hundreds of dollars that could go to a penguin. It is a disgrace.

Then there is the chocolates, usually accompanied by a silly furry animal. Why is it this is a time of year furry animals seem to look stupider than usual? This is a floppy eared rather than perky eared, ragamuffin, disproportionate, sorry excuse for a bunny rabbit if I ever saw one. It is not dignified.

Speaking of dignity, how about the way some even go to treat household pets? We is supposed to be expressing love on this day, not humiliation.

And speaking of humiliation, is this really necessary? I think not. Show some dignity and communicate as normal loving adults. Yes on two separate chairs (each on a different chair I mean) at least two-three metres apart facing one another with hands by sides, good posture please. A modest and dignified pose for easy communication. Each speak in turn.

Two steps forward, one step back

2007-02-09T10:44:00.000+11:00

You take two steps forward and one step back, I think the old saying goes. Hmmm. At least that is some progress but not as much as Prude would like. It is hardly noticeable, and often, not noticed at all.

Some time ago I met with my young hopeful Burger Boy. I had great hopes for him, as he gave up drinking and a wild blonde girl to be a better person. Or so I thought.

Now I see him chomping on a burger and I say, "How is your celibacy going young reformed man?"

"Oh it is YOU prude" he say. Thit is the way he usually greet me, I think it has become somewhat of a signature. He does not even look up from his burger.

"Want some burger, it has PENGUIN in it," he say.

"You are a disgusting immoral boy! Stop laughing, penguin burger is no laughing matter. Spit it out immediately. If I shall go insane and be locked up I shall say you is the one who done it!"

"Really?" He look up. "Hmmm, that is some motivation."

"I is stronger than that," I say primly. "How is your celibacy going bad Burger Boy?"

"It is gone. Long time ago. Didn't stick around for long." He laugh a lot. Then he get up from the table and walk off to ride his motorbike (I perceive he did not even wear a helmet which is very unsafe. It may also be a metaphor).

It take a long time to reform them. However I shall not stop trying.

He leave behind the bits of burger.

Is that what penguin meat really look like? It look very similar to a beef pattie.

Penguin, Lettuce And Tomato

2007-02-07T15:33:00.000+11:00

Someone is tormenting me.

I has been tormented by some person whose name I shall not dignify, but who follows me about and talks to me about turning the penguin into food. Penguin Sushi. Penguin Roasts. Penguin, Lettuce And Tomato Burgers. Penguin Kebabs.

It give a person with morals nightmares!

Mr Jumbles say:

It is tasteless.

Rhymes

2007-02-01T22:03:00.000+11:00

Why is it Prude is a word of such wholesomeness, beauty, majesty, divinity yet it rhme with such things as

lewd
rude
crude
dude (one of the most gross words in English language)
spewed
screwed
nude
feud
argued

etc which has not such splendidness about them?

Either way it lead to cruel poetry.

A Disgrace To My Honourable Name

2007-02-01T21:51:00.000+11:00

I has been web-browsing and come across ths blog, created by a being who calls itself The Prude.

Quite frankly the blog is a mockery of prudekind. Its creator is not a real prude like myself, and I think - in fact I know - it has soiled the good name of prudery by using that name to create such a blog. I wonder how it dare do such a thing. But some people have no morals. Like penguin hunters and strippers. And now, like this creator of The Prude.

This blog has written on it "well, I guess there aren't really any fans yet" hmmm, I wonder why, perhaps because you is immoral!

Perhaps you would have a greater following if you were a good person and followed the path of right-living and morality like myself (and Mr Jumbles). What's more they would be worthy types of people being your fans. Bonuses everywhere.

Also, this site simply have a lot of scary pictures of pirates on it. Pirates. Pirates are not good moral creatures like penguins. Perhaps they love parrots which is a saving grace. But that eye-patch thing and the walk-the-plank idea is not very moral. Also the laugh - hardy-har-har - is not pleasnt. Overall I do not give them a high dinity rating. I think a better role model for people should be given.

Fight the good fight, do not confuse The Prude with Prude, or ThePrudeness with true prudishness, the latter being what you aim to strive towards.

Deep Analysis Of The Penguin Of Death

2007-01-30T20:27:00.000+11:00

Hmmm.

Someone say to me "Why do you not like the penguin of death, prude? It is a penguin, it is powerful, and it also have an enigmatic smile. What more could you want in a penguin?"

What more could I want in a penguin?

What more could I want in a penguin?

GRRRRH!

But first I shall answer "Why I do not like the penguin of death"

The penguin of death is FAT. And that white circle that is placed on its stomach by the artist is there not for purposes of artistic endeavour or realistic construction but just to emphasise a fatness.

This is a mockery of the penguin. I beg you to ignore white blobs on stomachs of penguins.

Anyhow the penguin of death is clearly a violent penguin. It is not a penguin of love, peace and morality as I preach. It is not like Mr Jumbles. Penguins is not violent creatures. Just as prude is not.

So I is really ANGRY with the creator of the penguin of death.

I hear his name is Edward Monkton. If you shall meet him, let me know and I shall do something about this. This mockery of penguins must come to an END.

Penguin of Death

2007-01-29T22:05:00.000+11:00

Why oh why do people fill my inbox with these images?

Mr Jumbles say in a dignified voice: "I is not amused!"