Penguins and Politics

Recently I went to the Sydney Aquarium.

I went there and saw many wonders. I must say the dugongs are a brilliant. They is very peaceful large beings. And I is very impressed by seahorses. They has good posture. Even when swimming. Full marks.

However of course the main attraction was the penguins and I timed my visit so I was there for the Penguin Feed session.

It is a great study in animal survival instincts and also an interesting analogy in Party Room Politics in Australia.

For those of you who have not had the pleasure of seeing a Penguin Feed I highly recommend it. If you do not wish the plot to be spoiled for you, I suggest not reading further.

However, I will describe what happens as this: Penguins are doing as they usually do - toddling about and swimming in the pool, with glass window on side so audience can watch.

At Feed Time, Authorised Personnel enter the Penguin room, one with a clipboard to take notes and one with a bucket of fish to feed the penguins.

No, this is no dining table where penguins get to sit at a long candlelit dinner area and are given set portions, cutlery etc in entree, main and dessert servings.

So the penguins go to the fish man.

Some penguins quickly know it is fish time and are the first to get out of the water and walk over. They are fed quickly. Some work it out later but are still brisk. Some are slower to figure it out but are aggressive and fight for their place.

I noted two very aggressive penguins who were not the first to get up there but once there, maintained their stranglehold on front position, that's for sure.

And there was one poor penguin who was rather shy, he did not notice till later and then he toddled forward, did not want to be too aggressive and got put off even as he made his way to the front, every time there was a slightly aggressive penguin nearby he lost heart and toddled away.

I watched him.

He did not receive one single fish.

I nickname this penguin "Peter Costello Penguin" - the penguin who will have his fish only if served to him on a silver platter otherwise not at all. but he will not fight for it.

Late in the fight but aggressive, and keeping a stranglehold on front position for as long as possible was "John Howard Penguin"

Earlier on, fairly quick to trot, pushed out later by the aggressive but at least he got a nip was "Brendan Nelson Penguin".

By the way my guess is if Peter Costello Penguin acts like this every feed day he will die a very slow but sad and agonising death but the other penguins will be too busy swimming and eating fish to mourn him for very long.

Sad. I felt sorry for that penguin. I wish the Penguin Feed Time did not work that way but that is the way the system works.

Hundreds of Penguins Dead

This article leave me cold. Hundreds of penguins dead and they cannot even find a reason qiuck so we cannot put in preventative measures to stop this terrible tragedy occurring ever again.

Human beings die sometimes in their flocks and we stop.

We wave flags and we make speeches.

I say we should be at least marking the deaths of the penguins similarly for they is role models and their deaths is a huge loss to our community and we shoudl take every measure we can to make sure it never happen again.

I myself wore a black veil and lit a little candle as a token.

This was a sad day. Such tragedy should not be repeated.

I is having horrible little dreams strewn with the bodies of penguins now. It is not good.

Equality in No Nudity

Recently Mr Fred Nile came out to say that he is outraged at topless sunbathing and wishes that it be banned.

(personally I is not caring whether it is at the sun or at the beach or whatever, but I in principle agrees)

Some people sneered and said that if toplessness was to be banned then remember we would have to say men would have to cover up too.

That was EQUALITY.

I think this was supposed to shame advocates like me into swinging to letting boobies hang out, but I say - I think this is an excellent idea.

For too long have men strolled about baring chests. It is an unseemly habit and it is shameful. It is like saying, "look, my front pieces do not protrude so I can show them off. Nudity is ok if there is no bouncy bits". Which is just like saying that a female should be not wearing undies in public for she has no bouncy bits there, and of course would be completely immoral. The shock! The disgust!

I is not sure exactly which is worse, the no shirt at all look or that careless shirt on but open breezing look revealing all, which has a rebellious tone to it of "yes I has a shirt, I know of their existence but I is not going to button it up PEEKABOO! attitude" rather than the naked look which is just out there and to some extent may suggest someone who hasn't got the money to purchase a shirt or who has forgotten a shirt exists. Perhaps one could prod him with a stick (do not touch another's bare skin) and remind him that upper clothing has been invented.

Besides, bare chests and nudity is a health hazard:

1. Sunburn
2. You can get hot food spilled on them. If it is oily hot, ouch!
3. You brush against thorns on a tree, ouch!
4. You fall over, more likely to get scratched, etc
5. You has wobbly bits exposed, someone stares at you, they is not looking where they are going, they bump into something else, car crash.
6. If you is wearing no clothes you cannot be wearing your neon shirt which make it easy to see you at night when you is out walking. Very dangerous for late night strollers.
7. If you is not wearing shoes it is not good for your feet when jogging or walking or rock climbing. Bunions.

I thinks nude people could also be carelessly and unfairly driving up the cost of healthcare for everyone else. That is selfish. This is not generating a feeling of community which Prude endorses.

Cover up and be thoughtful to others!

Survivor Penguin!

I has just seen a penguin video that I think would brighten up any good penguin fan's New Year amazingly, and wish to share.

Here we go:

Penguin escapes killer whales

Did you ever see such heroism?

Such breathtaking wonder?

I wonder why people employ some of these nobodies in Hollywood to go about toting guns and running about in obviously fake buildings with big explosives behind it (we all know it is just a computer effect peoples) when we can have real adrenalin pumping right here and this is for real and what is more the RIGHTEOUS PENGUIN is saved for the day.

Not that I advocate putting penguins in tanks full of sharks to replace badly made Hollywood pics.

No not one bit.

But when it happened and it is captured on film and the baddie loses it is infinitely better more value for the DVD than some silly big budget badly scripted car chase movie which have to involve a sleazy cop, a wisecracking black cop and a cold baddie with no personality and an unfathomable or convenient motive, and a machine gun that can fire fifty times at a good guy but never hit him.

I hopes.

Look out for the reassuring "All penguins survived and were awarded medals of bravery in the making of this film" tag in your next rental.

Allen Lane, We Salute You!

How a penguin was chosen as a symbol for Penguin books ...

He also wanted a 'dignified but flippant' symbol for his new business. His secretary [Allen Lane, brainchild of Penguin books] suggested a Penguin and another employee was sent to London Zoo to make some sketches. Seventy years later Penguin is still one of the most recognizable brands in the world.

Definitely dignity!

Mr Jumbles say - good choice!

Arise, Sir Nils Olav

I always wish to promote penguins.

But especially those who have shown their extra dignifiedness as an example to all aspiring penguins, and others who wish to adopt penguin culture as their own.

Therefore, I give to you Sir Nils Olav - a penguin of such nobility he have been knighted.

Honorary Colonel-in-Chief to the King's Guard in Norway!

We salute you!

The Point of Nuding

These people is protesting that KFC chickens has only a small place to roam or not roam around in.

They is protesting by being nude in public.

Perhaps the question they is raising most should be not whether chickens should be released from cages but whether nudes who is in public should be caged up. Prancing about showing bits indeed! OK well not much prancing.

I think this is made blatantly obvious by this photo.

Oh and the fact they were taken by the police to the station in their cage. I am sure the police were very interested in such a morally depraved case as this.

Where to draw the Double Big Black Line

I has already stated earlier that it is reprehensible that Henson has taken to flashing about nude pictures. Especially those for children. That girl has better put on clothes and Elmo had better get himself a dinner suit.

But then the art world has been at it again, creating a storm over another set of questionable photos, especially the one of the young girl on the front of a magazine of Arts Monthly Australia, published in protest against the Henson affair.

And as some prominent politicians has been pointing out, it is important to protest against such protests because then you can show off how you can be the tops protester, as Prude will show here today. I protest against this nude protest and if anyone comes back at me and do anything nude back I will protest back. Don't you dare flash your bare buttocks at me, I say in advance. I say it very strongly and loudly. That is not art. And even if it were it would stink.

It is also important to explain to otherwise why their values are wrong and yours is right, just like mine is right. I thinks Mr Rudd has been attempting to do a bit of that but he is not very convincing.

However I is not one to mincemeat words. I says loudly and clearly, that nude photos of young children is wrong. In fact nude pictures of anyone is wrong. In fact nudity itself should be avoided. I myself attempt to wear a garment in the shower even, revealing only smalls sections at a time for washing purposes and then close them off immediately. Of course the door to the bathroom is sealed. You should try it some time. It would do you the world of good to be more modest.

Less of such pictures:





And this is the most reprehensible - fully open public kissing naked with children! I do not know how the art world in anyway can justify such early sexuality. It is pornography, plain and simple:

How NOT to collect money from the public

I is all for going out into the public to collect money for causes. I for one is a great charity collector for many causes.

For one I support Penguin Adoption.
Save the Penguins
Prudes against Sex
People against Crude Movies
The Making of Strong Chastity Belts with Encrypted Alarm Double Locking Safety
Penguin Dancing Classes
People against Drugs
Strawberry Cheesecake Appreciation Group (I have cravings, just like any other person)
People against Mankinis (this speak for itself)

And other worthy groups

However the way a person go about collecting their money speaks oceans about the person. It is one thing to rattle your tin. It is another to rattle your chastity belt. And it is another - and very unacceptable thing altogether - to rattle your whole body so much that your outer coverings fall off!

But it do not seem that everyone appreciate the difference

In a subway in Bucharest apparently some lady is doing a striptease and pole dancing - catching fellow travellers by surprise - and then after subjecting them to such an undignified show of her flesh and rolling about and twisting - gosh they did not ask for it - she actually have the audacity to thin they would pay her. She passes around a KFC container asking for cash (gosh a KFC container - this is also hitting tacky).

I beg you not to follow in this lady's footsteps - or dance steps.

When you think of charity collecting, do not think of poles. Do not think of nudity. Do not think of KFC.

Such thoughts only lead you off the path of righteousness. You would not be doing any of your causes a favour.

Mary Poppins Advances the Cause of the Penguin Dance

I would like to direct young minds to the movie, Mary Poppins.

There is no need to watch the whole thing, though of course you may if you wish. I has watched it carefully and I has not found any sexy or bad language in it. So it is not too bad an influence on young minds.

Though of course I must warn you that when Bert and Mary and the Banks children are on the roofs they is covered in soot. Note that this is not a very goodly way to keep oneself, a good living person keeps oneself clean on the inside and out.

However, the important part to watch is the bit when Mary and Bert go on a "Jolly Holiday" inside the chalk painting, on a holiday in the painting. Then they dance their ways to a nice little tea house and outs come ...

YES!

You has got it. Penguins.

Little penguins who is happy to act as waiters, because penguins are thoughtful types, and "at your service" is their way of thinking.

What is more, to demonstrate their cheerfulness and gladsomeness, they do a dance, and what is better, Bert joins in.

He demonstrates to human beings that Penguin Dancing is not beyond us, if we give it a go.

Now I would not say Bert is the most elegant dancer I has ever seen, but at least he give it a go, and he try to penguin dance.

That is something we should all aspire to. Give Penguin dancing a go, like Bert!

I want a POMI!

South Korean Researchers have unveiled POMI and it has nothing to do with the Brits.

This one have emotions, and interacts with humans!

Gosh I think it is a great.

What it is is a robotic penguin, but it apparently has all the senses, it can see feel touch and everything, even smell (where is my Prudey deodorant, I wish to make a good impression) and can meet and greet.

It has voice recognition technology. And I bet in its heart of heart-boxes it will recognise me and Mr Jumbles.

I need to rush in there and get one, and maybe an army of them, and convert them to Prudism quick before anyone has other ideas about twisting the brains of robotic penguins for bad uses. It would be immoral to do otherwise.

Besides, I'm sure Mr Jumbles would just like one for a friend! Not that Squawk has not been a friend of valour but friends ... you can do with a few more I is sure.

Stop the Pope!

I has recently got a memo notifying me that World Youth Day, including Pope Benedict XVI's visit could drive up the market for brothels.

More Pope, more sex it seems. More Youth Day More sex. More Cathgolic Church celebration, more sex.

I is not sure why this is. It would not happen if it were a Penguin Parade, I assure you. I is not sure what it is about Catholics, Priests and crosses that has people running to the brothels. But it seem to have some correlation according to what i has been informed.

What do it mean? If this is true, it mean we must take precaution.

What can we do?

1) Stop the Pope! Kindly inform him he is a bad influence, his preference encourages the sex trade.
2) Have all those in the Pope's vicinity wear regulation chastity belts. They will not be allowed to be unlocked for three weeks after the Pope has left, just to make sure.
3) Collect all sex workers and put in a little sex zoo where they is not allowed to have any contact with the outside world for the duration of the Pope's visit.
Actually this idea could go on for longer than the Pope's visit. It could go on indefinitely. If they could be shot into outer space it would be excellent.

Immoral or Amoral?

I was reading some writing by someone who had written about morality.

In fact the person wrote:

"Which is better, Immorality or Amorality?"

Immoral means to do the wong thing. The person is a person who follows the wrong thing all the time. They has low, base standards. They knows sex is bad and they decides to do it anyhows. That kind of creep. They realise everyone disapproves of chopping off heads and then they will run around lopping them off anyhow. And then they will probably chuckle too, just for pops.

Amoral is a person who has no standards. They has not had any guidance. These are the loose cannons. These people look at people who has heads chopped off and thinks "Oh gosh I do not see the problem is there a problem I do not understand perhaps I will do it too because I do not see there is a problem maybe I will join in perhaps."

They has sex because they does not know any better.

They does lots of things because they does not know any better or they does not care.

Immoral peoples care but they is defiant.

I kept thinking about this question:

"Which is better, Immorality or Amorality?"

Then I realised it is a trick:

There is no BETTER about it because BETTER implies GOODNESS and none is GOOD!

They is both BAD YUK.

Best avoid both.

Another Henson Photo

Another column is abuzz with Henson outrage , yes it even show pics. Different pics from what were removed from the Bill Henson exhibition recently which was of a young teenage girl naked.

This selection still shows a young character and he is not wearing clothes. I think it is also shamefully aimed at young people and the dim lighting is meant to be suggesting erotica. I thinks we should be thinking long and hard about the implications on this on our society.

Simply because some creatures has fur and some does not have so much (different degrees of hairiness on different humans) well is that a reason that nudity is more or less moral on some critters than others? I ask you?

In fact some would say that certain hair on humans should be well covered up, the more hair the more cover please.

Birthday Suit Flight Cancelled

What next?

Well actually it wil not happen next because it got cancelled and thank goodness for that.

But a German Flight company, OssiUrlaub.de, was offering its customers a nudist flight to a Baltic Sea Island .

If you ask me it do not matter where it were going it is still wrong. Though of course if it were to somewhere like Antarctica the nudists might not be solured. Nudists are exhibitionists, filthy exhibitionists but they is also human. they likes their comfort and they wishes to keep warm not have their skins shrivelled off. there is also the shrinkage factor and I thinks some men can be quite vain.

Anyhows it was to be cancelled. The rules were, clothes on the flight, then strip. I is not sure if the air hostesses were in their birthday suits too.

I thinks it is also a bit unsafe. I find those seatbelts hard to do up, they could get caught on some delicate bits.

And it do bring a whole new meaning to talking about the pilot in the cockpit.

I thinks it is very disgusting and it is best to have everyone robed up to avoid such things. Such innuendo. I suppose the only good bit is it may be more difficult to smuggle stuff like drugs into the Baltic Sea Island strapped to your body under your coat because you is not wearing any coat.

But then if you were a good person you would not be smuggling any drugs.

Or going naked on flights at all!