Allen Lane, We Salute You!

How a penguin was chosen as a symbol for Penguin books ...

He also wanted a 'dignified but flippant' symbol for his new business. His secretary [Allen Lane, brainchild of Penguin books] suggested a Penguin and another employee was sent to London Zoo to make some sketches. Seventy years later Penguin is still one of the most recognizable brands in the world.

Definitely dignity!

Mr Jumbles say - good choice!

Arise, Sir Nils Olav

I always wish to promote penguins.

But especially those who have shown their extra dignifiedness as an example to all aspiring penguins, and others who wish to adopt penguin culture as their own.

Therefore, I give to you Sir Nils Olav - a penguin of such nobility he have been knighted.

Honorary Colonel-in-Chief to the King's Guard in Norway!

We salute you!

The Point of Nuding

These people is protesting that KFC chickens has only a small place to roam or not roam around in.

They is protesting by being nude in public.

Perhaps the question they is raising most should be not whether chickens should be released from cages but whether nudes who is in public should be caged up. Prancing about showing bits indeed! OK well not much prancing.

I think this is made blatantly obvious by this photo.

Oh and the fact they were taken by the police to the station in their cage. I am sure the police were very interested in such a morally depraved case as this.

Where to draw the Double Big Black Line

I has already stated earlier that it is reprehensible that Henson has taken to flashing about nude pictures. Especially those for children. That girl has better put on clothes and Elmo had better get himself a dinner suit.

But then the art world has been at it again, creating a storm over another set of questionable photos, especially the one of the young girl on the front of a magazine of Arts Monthly Australia, published in protest against the Henson affair.

And as some prominent politicians has been pointing out, it is important to protest against such protests because then you can show off how you can be the tops protester, as Prude will show here today. I protest against this nude protest and if anyone comes back at me and do anything nude back I will protest back. Don't you dare flash your bare buttocks at me, I say in advance. I say it very strongly and loudly. That is not art. And even if it were it would stink.

It is also important to explain to otherwise why their values are wrong and yours is right, just like mine is right. I thinks Mr Rudd has been attempting to do a bit of that but he is not very convincing.

However I is not one to mincemeat words. I says loudly and clearly, that nude photos of young children is wrong. In fact nude pictures of anyone is wrong. In fact nudity itself should be avoided. I myself attempt to wear a garment in the shower even, revealing only smalls sections at a time for washing purposes and then close them off immediately. Of course the door to the bathroom is sealed. You should try it some time. It would do you the world of good to be more modest.

Less of such pictures:





And this is the most reprehensible - fully open public kissing naked with children! I do not know how the art world in anyway can justify such early sexuality. It is pornography, plain and simple:

How NOT to collect money from the public

I is all for going out into the public to collect money for causes. I for one is a great charity collector for many causes.

For one I support Penguin Adoption.
Save the Penguins
Prudes against Sex
People against Crude Movies
The Making of Strong Chastity Belts with Encrypted Alarm Double Locking Safety
Penguin Dancing Classes
People against Drugs
Strawberry Cheesecake Appreciation Group (I have cravings, just like any other person)
People against Mankinis (this speak for itself)

And other worthy groups

However the way a person go about collecting their money speaks oceans about the person. It is one thing to rattle your tin. It is another to rattle your chastity belt. And it is another - and very unacceptable thing altogether - to rattle your whole body so much that your outer coverings fall off!

But it do not seem that everyone appreciate the difference

In a subway in Bucharest apparently some lady is doing a striptease and pole dancing - catching fellow travellers by surprise - and then after subjecting them to such an undignified show of her flesh and rolling about and twisting - gosh they did not ask for it - she actually have the audacity to thin they would pay her. She passes around a KFC container asking for cash (gosh a KFC container - this is also hitting tacky).

I beg you not to follow in this lady's footsteps - or dance steps.

When you think of charity collecting, do not think of poles. Do not think of nudity. Do not think of KFC.

Such thoughts only lead you off the path of righteousness. You would not be doing any of your causes a favour.

Mary Poppins Advances the Cause of the Penguin Dance

I would like to direct young minds to the movie, Mary Poppins.

There is no need to watch the whole thing, though of course you may if you wish. I has watched it carefully and I has not found any sexy or bad language in it. So it is not too bad an influence on young minds.

Though of course I must warn you that when Bert and Mary and the Banks children are on the roofs they is covered in soot. Note that this is not a very goodly way to keep oneself, a good living person keeps oneself clean on the inside and out.

However, the important part to watch is the bit when Mary and Bert go on a "Jolly Holiday" inside the chalk painting, on a holiday in the painting. Then they dance their ways to a nice little tea house and outs come ...

YES!

You has got it. Penguins.

Little penguins who is happy to act as waiters, because penguins are thoughtful types, and "at your service" is their way of thinking.

What is more, to demonstrate their cheerfulness and gladsomeness, they do a dance, and what is better, Bert joins in.

He demonstrates to human beings that Penguin Dancing is not beyond us, if we give it a go.

Now I would not say Bert is the most elegant dancer I has ever seen, but at least he give it a go, and he try to penguin dance.

That is something we should all aspire to. Give Penguin dancing a go, like Bert!

I want a POMI!

South Korean Researchers have unveiled POMI and it has nothing to do with the Brits.

This one have emotions, and interacts with humans!

Gosh I think it is a great.

What it is is a robotic penguin, but it apparently has all the senses, it can see feel touch and everything, even smell (where is my Prudey deodorant, I wish to make a good impression) and can meet and greet.

It has voice recognition technology. And I bet in its heart of heart-boxes it will recognise me and Mr Jumbles.

I need to rush in there and get one, and maybe an army of them, and convert them to Prudism quick before anyone has other ideas about twisting the brains of robotic penguins for bad uses. It would be immoral to do otherwise.

Besides, I'm sure Mr Jumbles would just like one for a friend! Not that Squawk has not been a friend of valour but friends ... you can do with a few more I is sure.

Stop the Pope!

I has recently got a memo notifying me that World Youth Day, including Pope Benedict XVI's visit could drive up the market for brothels.

More Pope, more sex it seems. More Youth Day More sex. More Cathgolic Church celebration, more sex.

I is not sure why this is. It would not happen if it were a Penguin Parade, I assure you. I is not sure what it is about Catholics, Priests and crosses that has people running to the brothels. But it seem to have some correlation according to what i has been informed.

What do it mean? If this is true, it mean we must take precaution.

What can we do?

1) Stop the Pope! Kindly inform him he is a bad influence, his preference encourages the sex trade.
2) Have all those in the Pope's vicinity wear regulation chastity belts. They will not be allowed to be unlocked for three weeks after the Pope has left, just to make sure.
3) Collect all sex workers and put in a little sex zoo where they is not allowed to have any contact with the outside world for the duration of the Pope's visit.
Actually this idea could go on for longer than the Pope's visit. It could go on indefinitely. If they could be shot into outer space it would be excellent.

Immoral or Amoral?

I was reading some writing by someone who had written about morality.

In fact the person wrote:

"Which is better, Immorality or Amorality?"

Immoral means to do the wong thing. The person is a person who follows the wrong thing all the time. They has low, base standards. They knows sex is bad and they decides to do it anyhows. That kind of creep. They realise everyone disapproves of chopping off heads and then they will run around lopping them off anyhow. And then they will probably chuckle too, just for pops.

Amoral is a person who has no standards. They has not had any guidance. These are the loose cannons. These people look at people who has heads chopped off and thinks "Oh gosh I do not see the problem is there a problem I do not understand perhaps I will do it too because I do not see there is a problem maybe I will join in perhaps."

They has sex because they does not know any better.

They does lots of things because they does not know any better or they does not care.

Immoral peoples care but they is defiant.

I kept thinking about this question:

"Which is better, Immorality or Amorality?"

Then I realised it is a trick:

There is no BETTER about it because BETTER implies GOODNESS and none is GOOD!

They is both BAD YUK.

Best avoid both.

Another Henson Photo

Another column is abuzz with Henson outrage , yes it even show pics. Different pics from what were removed from the Bill Henson exhibition recently which was of a young teenage girl naked.

This selection still shows a young character and he is not wearing clothes. I think it is also shamefully aimed at young people and the dim lighting is meant to be suggesting erotica. I thinks we should be thinking long and hard about the implications on this on our society.

Simply because some creatures has fur and some does not have so much (different degrees of hairiness on different humans) well is that a reason that nudity is more or less moral on some critters than others? I ask you?

In fact some would say that certain hair on humans should be well covered up, the more hair the more cover please.

Birthday Suit Flight Cancelled

What next?

Well actually it wil not happen next because it got cancelled and thank goodness for that.

But a German Flight company, OssiUrlaub.de, was offering its customers a nudist flight to a Baltic Sea Island .

If you ask me it do not matter where it were going it is still wrong. Though of course if it were to somewhere like Antarctica the nudists might not be solured. Nudists are exhibitionists, filthy exhibitionists but they is also human. they likes their comfort and they wishes to keep warm not have their skins shrivelled off. there is also the shrinkage factor and I thinks some men can be quite vain.

Anyhows it was to be cancelled. The rules were, clothes on the flight, then strip. I is not sure if the air hostesses were in their birthday suits too.

I thinks it is also a bit unsafe. I find those seatbelts hard to do up, they could get caught on some delicate bits.

And it do bring a whole new meaning to talking about the pilot in the cockpit.

I thinks it is very disgusting and it is best to have everyone robed up to avoid such things. Such innuendo. I suppose the only good bit is it may be more difficult to smuggle stuff like drugs into the Baltic Sea Island strapped to your body under your coat because you is not wearing any coat.

But then if you were a good person you would not be smuggling any drugs.

Or going naked on flights at all!

Porn by any other name still do not look like art

I know I know.

I has heard you crying out for it.

"Prudey why has you not jumped ont he bandwagon with all the others and hopped up and down and got mad at this filthy exhibition by Bill Henson which show a young teenage girl in the ... well not in anything which is the scandalous bit?"

Well I can say I has been very satisfied to see that some moral peoples has been jumping up and down and doing their moral bit and calling this exhibition for what it is.

Child porn.

It is not art.

It is child porn.

Do not hide behind the word "art". I sees you is not giving the girl much to hide behind so why try a trick like hiding behind something yourself?

Fortunately the police has seized the pics and I am satisfied that charges will be laid and hopefully there wil be a public stoning. Or something like that. I do not see why some people can takes lots of pics of a young girl in the nuddy and then walk away unscathed. It is wrong. It matters not that she say she gave permission. She cannot know what she was thinking. Many Children's rights Activists have rightly pointed out that a girl may give permission now but later look back at her childhood with regret and think "Oh no I did a bad thing" and then that is not good that would scar her. I agree completely.

She will look back on her life and think it is wrong, just like many girls who have not lived Prude's way in their life may do so.

Of course if you had been living Prude's way in their teenage lives they would be looking back at their lives and saying hip hip hooray for me I was a good moral person no regrets.

So there is a big difference who should be able to say which is the best way to live as a teenager.

And that person should not be Bill Henson.

It is the person who can make decisions where the teenager would not have regrets of course.

I thinks you is knowing who we is talking about.

Now she's done it! And she'd do it again!

A teacher says she would flaunt her naughty bits again.

It has come to a sad time in our society when a primary school teacher, a moral compass for our young minds, has not only NOT repented for flaunting her naughty bits once, but has said she will do it again.

I hopes this is not meant to be an arithmetic lesson and she is teaching the kiddies to count to ten. Flaunt one, Flaunt two and so on. I think the old use your fingers to teach or maybe counters on a string would work just fine. I is not going in for these modern sensationalist methods.

Furthermore she pose naked in a magazine Cleo with her husband talking about their sex lives.

Well that is the end. Little kiddies do not needs to know about sex. It is quite sufficient for them to learn about the Good Fairy Penguin who bestow upon you a little baby if youse wish for one very hard and is good. And then this also mean she encourage her husband to show his tiddlywinks too, and everyone know that a man's tiddlywinks is much more ... let us say SEEABLE than a lady's.

So it is even worse.

And then even endorsing that rag Cleo. And you think you has not breached an ethical code of conduct? I fear for you!

No it is not right at all. I for one would make sure children is never seeing nakedness. There ought to be a rule that when they prepares for a bath it ought to be a bubble one, they is to close their eyes when they is undressed, then you whisk them under the bubbles quick before they is allowed to open their eyes so they don't get a look. Preserve their innocence.

Oh and don't let this lady teacher persuade you otherwise. Would you rather your child be a believer or a streaker? A member of the Prude fold or a centrefold?

I knows you will choose wisely.

World Penguin Day - same day as ANZAC Day!

I has been reliably informed that World Penguin Day occurs on or around each year, April 25th. Though some people celebrate it on Penguin Awareness Day in January 20th.

And in New Orleans they celebrated it on March 22nd, for some reason.

But most people celebrate it on April 25th.

Maybe there is some confusion and dissent because there are so many penguins around making their mark in the world? I hopes it settles down a bit, for if there is one thing Penguins advocate (as well as chastity and dignity) it is peace and harmony.

This is (April 25th), incidentally, the same day as ANZAC Day in Australia. So it is an EXTRASPECIAL DAY.

On ANZAC Day Australians observe a minute's silence for their troops, sometimes longer than that if they can think up lots of troops.

I would recommend perhaps also thinking about penguins and prudeness then.

Take some extra time, maybe five minutes if you wish so you have time to pay your respects to both the troops and to the Penguins, after all both is very important to Australians or should be. They has given us lots of culture. Who could forget Gallipoli, but then again who could forget Nicole Kidman in Happy Feet?

It is an important day for us all.

Lest we forget.

What did you do on World Penguin Day?

No Big Bazookas for Little Girls

In NSW they is overhauling the rules so little girls cannot overhaul their breasts too soon.

High time I say.

They is trying to make rules so that teenage girls cannot get breast implants and other plastic surgery which many do to makes themselves look sexy. They wish to make sure they are older before they make the decision.

I think it is a good thing. Young girls now is too sex-obsessed, and if they is having big boobs, then it will get them into trouble and I is not talking about difficulty in walking down narrow corridors though that is a concern too. I means if you look on the link I provide too many men is going on about how women should be allowed to do it because they (the men) thinks it looks desirable. Men. All they is thinking about is their own eye candy. It is very selfish.

But what about the important issues, like the girl's virginity which is of course at stake if the girl become very hot looking and of course must be protected if she is to be a pure and moral and dignified creature?

In fact why wait just til they is 18?

18 is too provocative, they is still bait at 18.

Perhaps it should be made law that noone should be allowed breast enhancements til they is truly past it and even with big breasts they woulds not be alluring to anyone then your sex is not in danger.

For instance if you is dog ugly or you is old and wrinkly.

If you has got a certificate saying you is allowed a breast implant you is knowing you fall into this category and no one - well at least 99% of people is not lookiing at you with any sexual desire and wouldn't even if you had thouasnds of dollars of reconstruction.

Then you can do as you please.

It is an idea. I might present it to be tabled.

Purity Balls and Prudity Balls

Now has you heard of the craze of the Purity Ball ? Apparently it is not new but I has only recently heard of it. Usually the words "purity" and "balls" don't sit too well together with me, but then I heard this was balls as in dance and Prudey here is all for dancing. So I investigated a little further.

Apparently it is a formal event held by God-loving folks where fathers take a pledge before God to protect daughters from impure things (i.e. protect her from SEX) and girls promise to remain virgins til marriage.

They also gets to dance a bit and I would say probably have fruity drinks.

There has been some criticism that it takes the power of sex away from the girls and makes it a man's property like the fathers, and then her husband's. Also it focus on sex a lot. But I guess this is the price you pay for virginity in this crazy world.

Many evangelical Christians is very much into it because it bring virginity back as an important issue, and also there is a lot of opportunity for dancing.

I would say for Prudey they is very important things.

However I read a bit more about this and a Good Weekend article said that stats on Purity Balls said heaps of girls after their Purity Ball had sex within 3 years!

88% had sex before they was married!

Now they might as well not have bothered! I thinks if you is making a promise you ought not just make it for a bit of the penguin bop and the promise of a fruity drink and a cupcake! That is MOST immoral.

People is just not serious today about their pledges. They has not got the willpower. And willpower is what really matters.

Myself, I would like to hold Prudity Balls. I would like to get together new recruits to pledge they would be true to Prude's Mission.

Chastity and Dignity and Kindness to Penguins!

However you has to be truly committed. None of this half-hearted I is there for the eatables stuff. No way.

Only Real Prudes need don their penguin suits and make their way to the ballroom floor!

These people read too much Virginia Andrews

Possibly you has never read a Virginia Andrews novel. If you has never, you is lucky. Don't.

The biggest theme is incest is great if you like each other. Oh, I guess she forgot it is illegal, disgusting, perverted, immoral and can lead to DEFORMITIES. And it make Prude chuck up into a toilet every time she even hear about it.

OK, I is back.

Anyhow, I thinks some South Australians maybe haven't got that message yet, or maybe have read a Virginia Andrews one too many.

Because this father-daughter union is just plain pukable . Oh whoopee they has had a child together. Probably one who will be brought up on Flowers in the Attic and other stuff instead of good honourable books. I feel for the child. John and Jenny Deaves have done the dirty against the laws of society. And I is not talking about the fact they could both spare a few kilos either.

Jenny Deaves said after she met her father (they was separated for a while because she comes from a BROKEN HOME - see what the malaise of society has done!) she said to herself "he's not too bad" and that's how the relationship began.

Oh funny I thinks to myself some things are not too bad too, but that does not mean I break the law and procreate with them!

Mr Deaves say: "I knew it was illegal, of course I knew it was illegal but you know, so what."

So everything, immoral person!

It is these kinds of people that can almost make a person waver from their mission! The path to prudism is littered with trash ...

Milly give me the Willies!

Well they say politics is a dirty, ugly game, but I thought it were supposed to have at least a veneer of conservatism and propriety. No longer it seems! I has seen this disgrace of a Milly D'Abraccio heading into Italian politics . How dare she think to represent the people - she a porn star!

Now, it is my understanding that politicians would have to at least to pretend to tackle issues such as health and eductaion and families. And we is supposed to respect them. But how can we expect to respect such a lady - well FEMALE - well DISCGRACE TO HER GENDER - who is openly flaunting her job that was to make men feel improper feelings and promote a very unchaste activity? I tells you!

It cannot be for the good of the peoples. It would dirty their minds.

Indeed, I would say that Milly, simply by running is adding to pollution in Italy already. That cannot be good for a country.

If her hospital policy was to add more beds, you would always be asking yourself "What is those beds FOR?" If it was more books for schools, you would be quaking in fear as to the content of those books. I tells you, a politician who brings such fear into lives should be not allowed even to put her name on the ballot just in case someone's hand slips and accidentally marks her name and she accidentally gets voted in (because no one, I is sure, would vote her in on purpose. I shudder at the thoughts)

But - well, she is certainly not into a "no butts" campaign as she shows hers everywhere. Really, you ought to draw the line somewhere, and hopefully peoples is not thinking of a pantyline or bumcrack line as I say that.

Pull your pants up, Milly, and lift your game!

What's more, D'Abbraccio wants to create a red light area with strip clubs, erotic discos and sex shops called Love City just kilometres away from the Vatican.

How low cans you get? True love is not about this.

And what a way to run a city.

I can only say I hopes she does not win and has to get an HONEST job like the rest of us!

An Award Worth Striving For

Prude's Mission.

This is an award worth striving for ... worth living for ... worth, well, collecting charity in little tins for.

I thinks it is most respectable, and I urge other wannabe prudes to go for it. Don't be afraid .. Be Prude and Proud! And one day this honour may be yours!

Stand by Man ... But what about Stand by Morals?

Now here it is - a famous man New York Governor Eliot Spitzer is in the middle of a sex scandal . OK so what is new, you is asking. It is sad but true that famous people seems to be having sex in sorry places more than ordinary people, or maybe they is just getting caught more. Whatever it is, this time, Silda Wall Spitzer who is his wife is standing by him for the moment.

Now there is other women who has been pointed to having similar experiences and also standing by their men, like Hillary Clinton or Dina McGreevey. Do this make the matter of the world better? of course not, it make it worse. When all these men is running about with other people, in Spitzer's case a PROSTITUTE (I feel faint) then there is something rotting with the morals in our society.

Ms McGreevey say don't say it is bad for Ms Spitzer to stand by her man because she did the same thing and you don't know what it is like until you have been in another person's shoes.

Well I say I likes being in Prude's shoes. After you has been with a man who has cheated I would be rather wary about what had been happening to my shoes and other intimate apparel items. I thinks my own shoes is the best. At least I wash them thoroughly and make sure they is disinfected properly with a proper powder and soap. No germs. You don't need to be in another person's germpot to know it is germy!

Now she is saying there is good reason to stay because of the children.

Oh I can see that all right.

"Hi daddy. Here is your pancake. Did you have a good day at the office with your prostitute?" I is thinking that is not very wholesome breakfast chat.

Ms Spitzer for some strange reason may wish to stand by her man, perhaps because she has been watching some of those mushy romances in the Mills & Boon section where the naughty husband come back and apologise and everything is ok again but by standing by her man what is she doing for the Prudey Cause?

I thinks nothing.

It is teaching the man he can go off with a prostitute and then that is good behaviour. That is not what Prudism is about. It is not saying I thinks your crotch ought to be shackled in a dungeon for the rest of eternity for your trespasses into the llewd world how dare you how dare you you have a lot to pay for mister which is closer to Prudey teachings.

Oh he gets off too lightly if it is all forget and forget and defend I thinks.

A Very Appropriate Start

Has anyone viewed my blog in Mozilla Firefox (or any browser other than Internet Explorer lately?) and noted the URL?

I thinks it is VERY appropriate for a Prudey!

Romeo + Juliet: A Prudey Tale Part V

The Nurse go into Juliet's room very early in the morning, and she look ... dead.

"Oh goodness gracious! She look dead!" The Nurse scream for Juliet's father and mother.

"She must have died of a broken heart," think the Nurse. "It must be my fault. I is sorry now. When I thinks of it, Rome is just as romantic as Paris. Maybe even more so. I should never have said what I did."

"Aiyee! What use is a dead daughter? She cannot marry Paris and I will never get a big wedding in the family! And I had just got the cake ready! It were to be a marble cake too!" shrieked Juliet's mother.

"Quiet," say her husband. "You can always have cake for dessert after we put Juliet in the crypt. And you can have Juliet's slice too. It seem marble cake will be of little use to her now." He sigh. Juliet's mother stop shrieking.

"Let us dress her in something pretty and put her in a nice box. It is the dignified way."

Meanwhile, Romeo is living in Exile. He is not doing so well. He is trying to write a poem about Juliet.

Oh Juliet you is like a sweet song,
I think abouts you all days long
Oh Juliet you is like vanilla ice cream
You is white and pure all through it seem
Oh Juliet you is a noble penguin

And then Romeo is stuck, for he has been thinking for long about a good rhyme for "penguin" that aptly describe his strong feelings for Juliet but he cannot.

"You has mail," say a postie.

He rip open the envelope. It is blotchy and rather wobbly. Something about Romeo ... something ... tell ... you ... was that a J? oh gosh, the Friar is getting worse. It is his arthritis playing up again. And he would never accept the fact that he was really a leftie. Romeo had always tried to convince him he should out himself and just write with his left hand. However the Friar wwas a stubborn man and tried to write with his right hand all his life. Then he got the shakes, too. The result was something that resembled Morse Code except there was no proper pattern to it.

Romeo give up in disgust. Old men would not face up to real life!

He is thinking about this while he bend over his poem to Juliet, when up bounce a penguin friend.

"Romeo, I has terrible news, Juliet is dead! I has run all the way to Exile to tell you!"

"Is you funning me? Because I do not think this is very funny!" say Romeo.

"No, Penguin Honour Bright, she is lying in a crypt and she looks dead as a penguin could be! Her whole family is in mourning!"

Romeo bend over the Friar's letter and he think he can deciphr the word "dead" and a "J" in there. Maybe that was what the Friar was trying to tell him!

"Oh, how can this be? And Juliet will never here the great poem I was writing for her! It was to be my masterpiece!" He grab up the unfinished poem in one hand, and hurry off back to Verona.

On the way he finds a chemist, "Have you something deadly and strong?"

"Hmmm, what do you mean?" ask the chemist.

"Anything you has probably sold a successful musician or movie star recently," explain Romeo.

"Oh, we has lots of that stuff," assured the chemist, and mix him a deadly formula.

Romeo thank him and pop the vial in his pocket and whiz off to the Captulet Crypt.

Whom do he see but Paris? Paris is sitting by Juliet's box, paying his respects and also munching on a bit of marble cake which the Captulets had supplied him for sustenance, as he had intended to mourn there for a few hours.

"Who is you?" demand Romeo.

"I ask you the same question. I has permission to be here!" answer Paris. "I think YOU is the intruder."

"She is my girl," answer Romeo.

"What is you speaking of, I was to marry her!" say Paris.

Romeo is incensed and rush forward, Paris mistake this for an attack and lunge forward too. They begin a rumble on the floor, not very dignified I is sorry to report.

"Intruder!" snap Paris. "I will have your head!"

"Don't you take Juliet!" call Romeo. He see a large vase like thing available, and smash Paris with it, too hastily. The vase shatters.

Double tragedy. Paris is dead. Also, the ashes of great-great-great grandma Captulet is now all over the place.

"What has I done?" say Romeo.

He take one last look at Juliet. "Juliet, my dearest, I loves you. You looks so much at peace, and I is leaving you my unfinished poem. I only wish I could have finished the rhyme. But I wish to be with you so ... I take this drink!"

He drinks the poison and collapse. Now Romeo is really dead.

The Friar burst into the crypt then and see what has happened. Juliet is just waking up then.

"What went wrong?" she wailed. Romeo is dead, Paris is dead, Great-great-great grandma is dead ... ok, that I expected. And Romeo has left me a poem to finish with a very difficult rhyme!"

"Darn my leftiness!" curse the Friar.

"I has nothing left to live for!" scream Juliet.

"No, don't, Juliet, you can run elsewhere, I shall buy you a good rhyming dictionary, I shall ...." say the Friar.

But Juliet has found a nearby sword and plunged it through her heart.

It was hours later that the Pontagues and Captulets found out what had happened.

"I thinks we should end this feud like grown ups," say Mr Pontague. I do not want any more bloodshed. And the Captulets shook on it.

The Prince of Verona sighed with relief - no more interrupted milkshake breaks.

And Verona prospered - charity collecting was a safe and more prosperous activity from that day on in the city - well, for quite a while.

What's more, the Friar also came out of the closet and admit he was a lefty. His handwriting got better, but he also invest in a computer so he could type his letters and email. Oh, things went better in correspondence from then on - so long as he get the email addresses right.

Romeo + Juliet: A Prudey Tale Part IV

The Prince of Verona snapped, "I has had it! That's the straw that broke the caramel's back! And I has not even had a vanilla milkshake yet! I is sick of my milkshake breaks being disturbed! Who is responsible for this? I demands to know!"

He is standing over Tybalt.

"Hmmm, that would be Romeo," murmurs a rather scared looking Captulet.

"Right, I will take away all his milkshake privilages, everywhere, FOREVER! I has the power!"

"But Tybalt killed Meritutio first," pointed out Bestolio.

"Sneak sneak sneak sneak," chanted a nearby Captulet.

"Perhaps I was being unduly harsh," admitted the Prince of Verona. "All right. I shall simply exile Romeo. He is not welcome in Verona ever again."

The news spread fast, and poor Romeo took himself far away, and Juliet locked herself in her room and sobbed.

"She is probably crying because she needs a penguin partner," said her dad. He was trying to help but he did not fully understand the situation, like many fathers. "I know - she can marry Paris! Who does not like Paris?"

"Errgh ... slime ball city!" say Juliet in between her sobs.

"Enough of that, if you do not marry him I shall disown you," say her father.

"I thinks you should marry Paris," say her Nurse. "Romeo is gone now and after all Paris sound so romantic!"

Juliet throw a pillow at her and the Nurse start squawking.

"What shall I do?" thinks Juliet, "If I get stuck with Mr Slime Ball I shall hate it. I shall die of boredom. I will spend the rest of my life wsahing my hair and doing my toenails. I know I will have nothing to talk about. Romeo is the sun and the moon and the stars and Paris is ... hmmm, I don't know what. He do not move me. He do not write cute poetry like Romeo. He do not have a twinkle in his eye or jig to a penguin tune like Romoe. He is nothing. Perhaps he ought to be with a penguin who want nothing but I is not that penguin!"

She is feeling so down she climb out the window and visit the Friar and say, "Is there nothing I can do to prevent the world collapsing - well, my marriage to Paris, which is the same thing?" We is to be married tomorrow!"

"You has already been married once," say the Friar.

"Yes, and it is rather slutty to do it twice in such quick succession. I thinks the tabloids would be having a field day if they only knew. But also I do not wish to be joined to this Paris-man. Can you help me?"

"Hmmm," say the Friar. "Well, I have a drug that could help."

"I is not into drugs," say Juliet.

"Maybe you will be when you has tried this one," say the Friar. "When you takes it, it will make you seem dead. Your family will then not think of making you marry Paris unless he has fetishes I is not aware of. They will mourn you and lay you away in the crypt. Everyone will be thinking you is dead. Over a day later, though, you will wake up - and you will NOT be dead - and you can run off and be with Romeo. Of course, I will send someone to tell Romeo of the plan, so it will be a secret - just between us three."

"Hmmm - sound like the only option I has. I am to be married tomorrow," say Juliet.

"Then here it is - this little bottle. Take it before you go to bed tonight - it's a bit bitter. I will write to Romeo right now."

"Are you sure he will understand you?" ask Juliet.

"My handwriting is very neat," the Friar assured her, handing her the bottle. "Now here you go!"

Newsflash!!! Meakin Goes Pro-Penguin

I interrupt my broadcast of Romeo and Juliet to brings you all some fantastic breaking news.

It is about how Channel 7 News Chief Peter Meakin has found his love and devotion for the penguin . I is sure if he can, we all can. He do not seem the naturally soft and cuddly type. But wonders will never cease.

It is not a honourable story that got him there however - he has got a third drink driving conviction and instead of getting gaol, was ordered to do 250 hours of community service.

He has now decided to offer his services in public relations to a penguin preservation team at Manly Environment Centre.

Some anti-drinkers say he has got off lightly.

But if it help the penguins, at least some good come of it, I thinks. We cannot dismiss the good of it. Hopefully one day he will look into a penguin's eye and see the real meaning of life and never touch a drink again for he will see the dignity of the penguin and realise the noble cause of staying sober. That is what I is hoping anyhow.

He will helps the penguin, and the pengiun will helps him. That will truly be the full cycle of life, karma, nature, would it not?

Romeo + Juliet: A Prudey Tale Part III

"Pleeeeease!" say Romeo Pontague to his friend the Friar. "You know what it is like to be in love - I thinks. It is not all hearts and flowers. It is about a march of dignity forever with the one who can get your little penguin heart going."

"Very well, I shall do it," say the Friar.

So along comes Juliet and Romeo, all ready to be married.

"Where is Rosaline? Is you not to be married to Rosaline?" asked the Friar.

"No, I is going for Juliet. This is Juliet."

"Hmmm, I thoughts you were in love with Rosaline. You has written lots of poems about her," say the Friar.

"Has you been two-timing me! I is not putting up with that, Romeo Pontague! I is a moral virtuous type!" cried Juliet Captulet. "My chastity belt will not move for you!"

"No, no, I has not! It is a big mistake, the Friar is all mixed up, it is only you!"

Very soon he has placated Juliet and told the Friar they has better not mention Rosaline again and just hurry up and marry them. Soon they is properly married and Romeo promise never to look at another penguin-girl again. Juliet go home and Romeo hurry off, with his eyes averted.

Suddenly he hear a cry, but fortunately a male cry, so it is ok to look.

Unfortunately it is the Captulet cousin, Tybalt, who say, "You makes trouble for all the Captulets, Romeo, and you gatecrashed our fantastic party! I thinks you may has taken a bit of cake too, and it were my favourite type!"

"Not I! I is not liking chocolate cheesecake at all!" stutter Romeo.

"And how did you know it were choc cheesecake? It were hidden under icing! Only if you TASTED it!" roared Tybalt.

"Ummmm ... maybe I smelled it," murmured Romeo. "I has good smelling faculties."

"Smell this!" roar Tybalt, and tweaked his nose!

Romeo felt this a great insult, but he say with some willpower, "I cannot fight you, Tybalt, we is ... a family." Ahh, Juliet, constantly on his mind!

"Fight!" say Tybalt.

"No! say Romeo.

"I will fight for you, Romeo," say Meritutio.

"No, no, no!" say Romeo. But Meritutio think it important and rush forward to give Tybalt's nose a good tweak. Alas, Tybalt get there first, and get both Meritutio's nose and ear a tweak - and snap both off!

Alas! Meritutio is bleeding away fast!

"No, no, what has you done. You has taken away his ear and nose, and he is draining away, say something Meritutio!"

"A plague on both your houses," whisper Meritutio. It is not charitable, but rather poetic.

Romeo get very mad and rush forth and stomp at Tybalt, give him a good slap and tweak, for he is a passionate penguin. Alas Tybalt fall dead too!

"I did not realise I had grown quite this strong so recently!" thought Romeo.

Then he see the Prince of Verona striding up, "I'll have a vanilla .... hey!" say the stately Prince.

Whoops - better dive, think Romeo.

He manage to run out of sight before he is spotted.

Romeo + Juliet: A Prudey Tale Part II

Romeo Pontague has discovered his love (he has now forgotten all about Rosaline) Juliet is a Captulet.

His friends drag him from the party, but he is repeating to himself:

"Oh Juliet!
You is a Captulet!
You has captured me
Oh Captulet!
Why I loves you so
But I is Romeo,
Why I is the one for you,
Even if I is a Pontague."

His friends think he is a bit potty. They is also quite impressed he can talk rhyme off the cuff so well likes that.

Romeo is smitten so that night he sneak into the Captulet Castle Garden and there he see Juliet on the blacony, who is pondering her love ... for him! he hide behind a nearby rosebush to listen to her wondrous words. She is so beautiful and dignified-looking, standing there in the moonlight.

"Romeo, Rome, wherefore art thou Romeo?" she say.

Romeo is so happy he can hardly resist the urge to pop out and call out "I is here, fair Juliet Captulet! Over by the rosebush!"

But he manage to contain himself.

"It is just a name. A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet," continues Juliet.

She decides to test it buy picking out a rose and she call it "Chrysanthemum!" and then sniff it. It smell the same. "Jukebox!" she call it. "It smell the same," she confirmed. "Scientology!" she call it. She sniff it and thinks it smell a bit funny. "I probably have got a bit of a cold," she excuse herself.

She is about to pick another rose when out pop Romeo.

"Oweeee!" she cry, but when she see it is Romeo her emotions is true delight. "Oh, it is the prudey penguin I is in love with!"

"Do you really has eyes for me?" say Romeo. "For dear Juliet, you is the most prudey and graceful and noble and chaste penguin I has ever laid eyes on."

"Oh I has never heard such music to my ears," say Juliet. "But hide, for they will kill a Pontague if they find him hear. Hmmm. Romeo, I is thinking you is the only penguin I wish to have in my life. You is dignified and noble. You has the best penguin dancing feet a girl could ask for."

"Juliet Captulet, would you like to dance that penguin dance with me forever?"

"If you can marry me, send word tomorrow," says Juliet. "But I thinks it is best to hurry off now for if they make you into penguin burger you is not a good husband for any penguin girl and I fear the Captulets are in a temper right now. Except me."

Romeo hurry off. He has work cut out for him now, that is for sure. But he throw a prudent little kiss to his Juliet, just for a keepsake.

Romeo + Juliet: A Prudey Tale Part I

Two households, both alike in dignity,
(Lots of dignity I is assuming, and that is a good thing because dignity is to be strived for,
Just as is chastity)
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
At least it is not obscene,
For it is a great Penguiny Prudey story we is telling here
First of a Penguin called Romeo Pontague and one of Juliet Captulet.

However, sadly, the first part of our scene begins like this:
There was some people collecting charity moneys for the Pontagues, and those for the Captulets on the street one days. One little charity collector piped up and says, not too wisely, "We has collected more money than you, Pontagues! Our penguins will be happier and greater in numbers!"
The Pontagues were not very pleased with this and reacted outraged "We is doing very well thanks you and by the way your chastity belt is showing!"

Now these were not very wise words. Charity collecting is altruistic not to sneer at others great efforts (even if you is doing much better hmm hmm) and it is not nice to make fun of a wardrobe malfunction such as a revealing chastity belt. It could be yours next.

This incensed the Captulets were even more angered and their wits were lost, and this ended in a clanging of charity tins on heads. Oh behold!

The Prince of Verona had to intervene and tell them violence was not very Prudey and they had lots to learn.

"Besides making an unholy racket and denting your heads, you is wasting a lot of valuable charity collecting time and blocking traffic! Wasting time and blocking traffic is a grating offence and the next one of youse who does something likes this and disturbs my milkshake break will pay!"

The Prince was very fond of his milkshakes, especially vanilla ones with whipped cream and nut sprinkles.

The Pontagues and Captulets stuck out their tongues at each other but retired. It is a terrible thing, but they were not as wise as penguins is now, and they were very rivalsome groups, in all things.

Back at The Captulet Castle, the lovely little Juliet Captulet who had not been out charity collecting because she was sewing lavender bags to sell at the next Prude Fundraising Effort, was being chatted to by her mother.

"I thinks you ought to marry that man called Paris, he calls often, and you is needing a husband, and he is coming to the dance tonight," Juliet's mother say.

Juliet sigh. She is not too fond of Paris. He look like ... what do people say today? A slime ball?

Over at the Pontague Mansion, Romeo is mooning over Rosaline.

"I am in love with a girl called Rosaline, I really am, but she do not love me," he sigh. "What do I do? I has read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, cover to cover, also What Women Want and every issue of Cleo I could get my hands on and it provide no answers. I has exhausted every avenue."

"You has to forget her," says his great friend, Bestolio.
"I agree, come to a dance tonight, there will be plenty of attractive penguins there plus lots of hot penguin dancing, what more do you need to forget?" chimed in Meritutio, his other great friend.

"Hmmmm, but I is in love ... "

"Oh come now ..." they say

"Indeed you is a best friend like your name, Bestolio, and your idea has merit, like your name, Meritutio. I shall do it!"

And so Romeo went to the penguin dance at the Captulets.

Although it were a masquerade dance, Tybalt, Juliet's cousin, recognised Romeo and thought it very saucy of a Pontague to turn up at the Captulet's dance. He was especially angry since his chastity belt really had been showing then and vowed to make Romeo pay for his arrogance in turning up so soon after the Pontagues had "outed" him.

But Romeo was oblivious to this, since he had just seen Juliet Captulet.

Ah me!

He did not know yet she was a Captulet, and she did not know he was a Pontague. Ignorance did indeed breed temptation. They swam a cross the dancefloor towards each other and did a prudey little penguin dance together and she admired his wayward steps as he did her grace.

They knew then that they were made for each other. They smiled, and chastely dared to touch hands.

"Juliet!" cried her mother, and Juliet was led away by her mother, the prominent hostess.

"Is she a Captulet?" asked Romeo, to himself (thinking: hmmm - silly question)

"Who is that man?" asked Juliet of her Nurse.

"He is Romeo Pontague, and your enemy!"

Juliet is thinking her heart is broken, but she shrouds it with dignity and a noble mask as only a penguin can do.

Lots of money for an 's'

I has read that a British travel company paid $1.2m for the letter 's' in its URL, that is, it wish to be known as "cruises.co.uk" instead of "cruise.co.uk" and paid $1.2m for the pleasure.

Now I must say that is a lot of cash. I has worked hard at charity collecting all my Prudey life and never has one person slipped a $1.2m note in my tin. They is not easy to come by.

But I sympathise wholeheartedly with the predicament of this travel company, I is often thinking to myself, it is not easy to get the URL or the email you wishes for. They is often gobbled up by someone whom I suspect is not so deserving.

For instance, when I was first setting up this site, my first wish for a URL was the word "prude". It seem to fit in very well with my identity. Then, it do seem, someone else take the URL prude.blogspot.com! And they has not my Prudey stance. in fact their blog is filled with pictures of Pirates - now what has they to do with the great chasteness that true Prudes aspire to?

What's more there has been only a couple of rather vacuous posts and then it has been abandoned since 2004.

Ahh, what a waste for a potentially, beautifully, chaste name! I weep. The shame of it.

Then I looks at the URL theprude.blogspot.com

Again, taken! SOmething about Rocking on with The Prude, but otherwise empty.

Oh I is again mourning these good URLs, in a wasteland. Rock on with this The Prude? I thinks not.

So I try prudey.blogspot.com Oh the shame of it. Something I cannot understand at all I think it is in Spanish or something. Some funny language. Lots of pictures of people with clothes - thank goodness at least not naked and not much flesh-flashing - but not a penguin to be seen. Clearly could do with improvement.

So my top blog choices has been taken!

But naturally I must select another for Prude cannot let a this URL get in the way of her mission, and she do not have $1.2m.

I settles here, where you all knows me.

However, I feel the pain. I empathise. It is a world not always fair. But I must say after a year here I is very proud of PRUDESMISSION

And I did not have to pay a cent for my three s's!

"Sex Scenes Are A Pain"

It is on the record that sex all the time is not that much fun - well I think people should take notice!

Promiscuity is not only not a virtue but it is not so much so called "fun"!

Prudism is definitely the way to go!

How to Compliment a Prude

Dear R.H.

I is sure R.H. is a very nice blogger. Well, I thinks is. Perhaps I should not be counting my feet before they is hatched, or I could be putting my eggs in my mouth. Or something likes that. Anyhow, R.H. seem like a very nice blogger so far, but he say to me recently "Sexy Prude".

Now.

Now, there is some women out there who would relish such a saying, and that is why some people like R.H. seem to say these such things often, I is thinking. However they is not a proper way to compliment a Prude, and since I is on a mission to convert the whole world to Prudism, soon they will be inappropriate to be used anywhere so I feel it is my duty to educate the youth of today and indeed all people today (but especially the youth for the children are the future) as to the proper way of the compliment.

Rule No. 1.

A Compliment Should Never Refer to Sexy, unless to Refer to Virtue of Unsexy

e.g.

Sexy Prude is not a Compliment
However: Prude you is Chaste
or Prude I commend your Abstinence
or Really Unsexy Prude
is all good compliments.

Also, "I wish to have sexy with you, Prude" is a disgusting form of compliment
However: Prude I wish to remain chaste in your presence
Prude you has convinced me to never has sex again
Is all great compliments

Rule No. 2

Compliments referring to the Penguin Nature or a Appearance of a Person is Good

e.g. Prude you looks just like a Penguin today, I has never seen you look more Penguin before, etc.

Rule No. 3

Certain Words is More Appropriate than Others in Compliments

Words to avoid: Nude, Sexy, Promicuous, Naughty, Salacious, Undignified, Dirty, Filthy, Perverted, Dishonourable, Revealing, Boobs

Words to use: Penguin, Noble, Dignified, Chaste, Prude, Pure

I hopes this gives you some guidelines, and these is put to good use.

What Prude Did on Penguin Awareness Day

It was Penguin Awareness Day , on January Twentieth,

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse,

That was until Prudey jumped up and got ready,

Put on her Penguin Suit (over chastity belt), and left the house.

Mr Jumbles was ready,

With Squawk our great friend,

And we celebrated this special day,

From beginning to end.

Yes, Penguin Awareness Day was on January Twentieth. It was a great day to learn much about penguins, to adopt a penguin, to spot a penguin, and to get in touch with your inner penguin. Naturally I sees Mr Jumbles and Squawk quite often - ok Mr Jumbles a tad more often however Squawk is fast growing a loyal and frequent companion. However on a special day like Penguin Awareness Day I went out of my way to see them in a special light. I naturally dressed up in my very best Penguin Suit.

We took out our Penguin Charity Tins and one thing we did early in the morning was a very interesting penguin dance routine which we had been working on as a trio. It involve some of the more complex and joyful penguin movements and I regard it as a work of art. It really let my inner penguin out, and perhaps you saw us, if you is from Sydney? Perhaps you is one of those nice peoples who gives us money for the Adopt a Penguin Program or the Penguin Humane Fund? I thinks you is a very good person, thank yous.

We then had a picnic in the park, to get more in touch with nature, and I had much deep and meaningful chatter with my penguin friends. You understand more what is going on in their penguin hearts then and I felt so in touch with penguin feelings then. I was so truly touched.

We told penguin tales all night and watched March of the Penguins DVD too. I tells you, it was a good day ... and a good night.

P&O = Perverts and Oglers

P&O has brought disgrace to its name once again with the latest in scandals. But then what else do you expect from a cruise ship which runs such filthy ads with the slogan "SEAMEN WANTED" and a picture of slutty women lazing about on board? I think it is very much provocative and they is showing off bad values.

If anyone is wanting a good time, a really good time, they would not be boarding on one of these ships, because these ships is giving you an assaulting and insulting time. Why peoples buy into them, I do not know. They jump aboard and then cry when they is had sex with. It is like jumping on glass and crying that you has been bleeding.

I thinks the only reason one should jump aboard a P&O ship is to pull it apart and shout hurrah! It is a hull of decrepit and nasty behaviour. What with rapists and paedophiles lurking in every hatch, or so the newspapers report it, it seem.

A PrudeCruise would never allow such activities to take place. Activities would include guided tours and penguin spotting and organised penguin dances and marches, and all staff would personally check that chastity belts were in place for extra protection of passengers. It would be our insurance policy. It is a pity P&O do not follow some basic Prude guidelines like that, and instead of having a drunken raving defiled mob they could have an ordered group with healthy, pure clean prudey fun.

There is some who would say "What, no alcohol, no sex, that's no fun?" but if you was Diane Brimble would you say I would like to be watching a Penguin Play with my chastity belt on alive, or be raped and drugged and dead by boozed up fools - I ask you? It is obvious sex and alcohol lead to no good, especially at high seas - I think it has soething to do with the rollicking sway but I has not done my scientific investigation into it.

P.S. If anyone would like to take part in a Prude investigation in how high seas affect people's stupidity I is happy to talk to prospective volunteers. It is something I may be looking at. Some will be allowed to booze and have sex a lot, others to wear chastity belts and watch penguins. All will be taken on a cruise. Prude will observe their behaviour closely and take notes.

The Return of the Sexy Underwear - Not!

Now that it is early in the New Year, this is the time when people are doing two things - buying heaps of cheap bargains because they didn't get whats they wanted for Christmas, and trying to return lots of unwanted presents, because they didn't gets what they wanted for Christmas.

Prude was certain peoples knows what type of person she is, and would buy ethically and appropriately for her. After all she explain it clear enough on her blog and explain it loud enough in the street. WHat do she need extra, a megaphone? In fact perhaps one of those may have come in handy, but no one bought one for her this Christmas. Strange.

However, someone DID buy her something rather inappropriate.

She pull off the shiny paper on Christmas and horror of horrors she receive a most shocking gift and she nearly faint. It is a pity no one get her smelling salts this year. She may have to request them next year in case a disaster like this happen again.

It was, of all filths - SEXY UNDERWEAR!

Prude would not be caught dead in sexy underwear. That has been a direct order, given to those in charge of funeral direction. She most certainly would not be caught alive in such frivolous immoral stuff. That stuff belong on Britney Spears - when she remember to wear them.

So of course Prude took them back to the store for exchange, though it cause her some embarrassment to be in such a store and to have to pull such immoral stuff from a plastic bag. I tell you, I feel soiled doing such a thing.

I say, "Someone bought your immoral filth thinking I would inhabit such a thing. I wish not to be associated with you or your product. I wish to have my moneys back please."

I think I said it in a very polite and dignified way.

The saleswoman say, "Hmmm, it is our policy not to refund for lingerie."

"Whats?"

"Look at the sign. You cannot refund for swimwear or lingerie. It is policy."

"But why? I do not want to be any part of your disgusting industry!"

"It is for hygiene purposes. Now if it were a jacket or scarf, perhaps ..."

"But it is taking great advantage! Swimwear and lingerie are your most immoral products! youse wish to palm them off and say no take back? And what is this about hygiene? Is you saying I is dirty? You is the dirty filthy ones! You is the one palming off these skimpy little .... things!"

"I has told you our policy. We cannot refund for hygiene reasons"

"I has never worn them! They has never touched my skin! Even if I had worn them I has a chastity belt on which would make it very hygienic! What is this twaddle you is palming off to me! I demand my money back!"

"I cannot."

She was like a robot. She cannot say anything but policy, policy, policy. She has no compassion or understanding for my plight. In the end I takes the skimpy things and I say to her, "Then YOUSE have it, you obviously immoral person! They would suit YOU very well!"

Funnily enough she look quite pleased.

Down with Drunks!

It is 2008 now and today I was about town.

Straight after Christmas there was an attack on stores, with everyone grabbing their hands on cheap TVs and linen sets and silly-priced T-shirts. I do not do such undignified things as involve myself in the "Christmas crush" but I did saunter in and have a ruffle through some bargains. I found myself some lovely oven mitts, just right for when I do my baking and like to keep my paws clean and pure, and a black parasol with white trimming. This is the penguin parasol you knows! Penguin coolours, and very dainty and proper! It will keeps the sun out in the suny days and the rain off in the rainy days and just right when I am out on my charity collecting and converting missions.


So I was very pleased with my purchases.

However, today, and even more so yesterday, there was not nearly as many souls in sight. And you knows why?

No, it was not because the sales has all disappeared. There was many a bargain sock and a lacy parasol to be found, not to mention all those bargain rolls of Christmas wrappings and Santa teddies to be going for cheap (I scooped several; they will do for next Christmas). And there was stores open on New Year's in the City.

It was because many a potential shopper was writhing in bed because of a HANGOVER.

This is, sadly, because on NYE certain people was out partying til late and drinking far too much. That is the sad state of Aussies today and sadder still, they actually believe they can hold the alcohol. They do not realise they become idiot incomprehensible nincompoops with weak bladders after they down a few drinks. And while for some that is their normal state, for many it is a state induced by ALCOHOL - the evil.

And the hangover is persisting til today.

It is very immoral for them to do so and they shoulds be taught a lesson. I advise all moral peoples to teach such disgusting revellers a lesson. Go to your stores sober after New Year's Eve and scoop all the good bargains and leave signs saying HA HA HA GOT HERE BEFORE YOU DRUNK as you buy it. Serves them right and perhaps they will sober up!