Pingu comes tops

Well, well, well. I said it about March of the Penguins. I said it about Happy Feet. I said it about Surf's Up.

Penguins is ruling the entertainment roost, and now they is coming to TV . We just can't get enough of them. They is the top rating tv show in the mornings . Go the penguin! Morality and nobility rule! And shove out those other morning show cacklers who think they is someone but cannot beat the power of the Penguin. The Penguin is Mightier than the Human Being Trying To Be Charismatic In The Morning. Not many humans is good in the mornings I has found but the penguins is. I think it comes from good penguin dance exercises early on in life, start at dawn.

The penguin who is doing so well is called Pingu . Not quite a Mr Jumbles but very respectable. Mr Jumbles is quite a fan and has bookmarked the Pingu website. Mr Jumbles likes to see his fellow penguins spread the good penguin word.

Now you all has something a bit more to brighten up your morning, and educate you further. What more could you want?

What is Zoo Thinking? Zoo Immoral People, Zoo!

If it were possible for Zoo magazine to hit a minus integrity low, this disgusting immoral Big Boob Competition would be it.

First of all the magazine says win a big boob job for your girlfriend. Well I say it is disgusting that a man should be thinking of his girl's breasts let alone wishing they were very big.

He should be thinking of his partner in life, about her moral integrity. Her commitment to purpose in life. Her prudey ideals and intellectualism, somewhat like Prude's.

The idea he should be wanting big breasts in her (or on her) says one thing only - it means he is thinking of wicked things. You is knowing what I means. The eyes centre in on the chest and they is focussed not on her higher being.

The Editor of this magazine says that this is a most romantic gift to give a girlfriend.

What could be more romantic?

Many things.

A penguin suit.

A donation to a penguin charity, in her name.

A pet penguin or penguin doll.

Dinner set with penguin motif.

Trip to Antarctica (or Tasmania) for penguin sighting.

A Prudemobile.

DVD - "March of The Penguins" "Happy Feet".

Prude has many romantic gift ideas. No need to stoop to this plastic fantastic stuff!

This Farce - it is an Insult! No Punishment Too Bad for Bob Saget!

I has read the reviews, and the articles, I has seen the advertising, I has unfortunately seen the website and that is too much. I will be boycotting that disgusting thing they is calling a film, The Farce Of The Penguins .

I recommend you all do the same.

My beloved film, the one that promote the greatness of the noble creature, the penguin, i.e. March Of The Penguins, has been utterly ridiculed by this disgusting attempt. Fortunately Luc Jacquet's masterpiece will hold strong because it is noble and Bob Saget's amateur stupidity shocker will fall flat on its face because it should.

I advise anyone who actually keeps his old Full House videos to make a bonfire of them and dance around them gleefully saying "Good riddance to Bob Saget!" Hmmm. I know what will keep me busy this afternoon.

Farce Of the Penguins is not about nobility and restraint or chastity it inaccurately show penguins as hedonistic creatures who go to immoral places such as nightclubs in the hunt for flings and casual sex. This show inaccurate research and I think there may be a lawsuit in there for slander. Mr Jumbles is studying it up. Bob Saget be wary in case many penguins file defamation suits against you.

On the other hand many robed penguins may simply come to your door one time in the middle of the night and drag you out and teach you a lesson. Perhaps slapping your botty with dead fish and dancing a jig around you. How would you like that? You may even be left with a little penguin of death logo drawn on your forehead as a reminder of your wrongdoings.

Of course if that should happen you did not read it here. I is merely speculating. But it would be justice.

Welcome the PrudeMobile!

Blogger GT asked recently, what kind of car would prude have if she had a car?

That is a very interesting question. For at the moment Prude do not have a car. She walks most places or she has caught the bus or train. A couple of times she has caught a taxi but taxi drivers are not very polite in general. And some has appalling English skills, unlike Prude here whose English skills is second to none.

Walking is very good for the body as well as good for the environment, and a Dream PrudeMobile would definitely reflect those values. It would be fuel efficient. In fact, if possible Prude would have invented some revolutionary way in the future to have used up something that no one want anymore and have no carbon emissions at all.

Perhaps she could design a certain way to power a car on dinner leftovers, spam emails, politicians' broken promises and policies, lost paperclips, pez containers and introductory offers to credit card companies, without there being any emissions. This would be a great boon for the environment.

Her car would be ergonomically designed to support the back and give good posture, for a good penguin always sit upright. PrudeMobiles would be available in noble colours, white, black and white, and blue and white.

Such a car would be spick and span because prude detest rubbish. There would be a large roomy area for holding a box to collect penguin charity donations, and a brush should one's penguin suit need a bit of maintenance.

A CD player installed in the car would recite Prude's incantations as she drove through the streets, in the hope of converting the sinners she pass. "Chastity! Do not forget chastity! It is Good to be a Prude! Do not think about sex! Be chaste! Do not give into earthly disgusting temptations! Hold yourself high and be above wickedness!"

Near where the accelerator and brake is, there would be room to let your idle foot do a good penguin dance limbering up exercise.

It would be driven at a moderate speed. Prude detest this idea of racing against hoons. It is dangerous and rough and stupid. Also, if you drive more moderately the more likely pedestrians and passers-by will hear your Prude message and be converted than if you buzz by hardly seen.

Safety. Beauty. Upholding Righteous Values. Body, mind and soul in harmony.

The Prudemobile embody them all.

Disney's Finding Nemo: Skating On Thin Ice

Finding Nemo I think is a good wholesome movie in many ways. It does not contain penguins but the fish in it are quite friendly creatures and as I say I am a penguin fan but this do not mean I do not appreciate other forms of wildlife. I am partial to a bit of fish. Indeed.

However, I is shocked to find out that Disney, that children's production company, that one who has brought to us such icons as the great Mickey Mouse, has decided to desecrate our great Barrier Reef movie with its Disney production, Finding Nemo: Disney On Ice Production.

It is with great sadness I show you some of the Disney On Ice production pictures.

Our great Nemo and Dory and other characters have been ruined. What were lovely innocent fish swimming in the sea have now been ridiculed. They has been made into costumes by skaters that have been modified for the sexual gratification of insensitive designers, I must say this is the only reasonable explanation I can come up with.

These suggestive protuberances!

The goggle eyes of a clownfish which protrude straight from the chest area! What more can I say that will convince you this is an extremely disgusting interpretation of an otherwise moral tale.

I hate to know how they show the sea cucumber.

I call on you to protest against this, and to protect your children from such filthy images. Children should not think of fish in this way.

I is truly horrified.

Friends For Friendless

My very good blogger friend Friendless (hmmm?) posted recently that he missed the many pictures that used to pervade prudesmission. He complained that "Mr Jumbles just didn't do it for him any more." In light of that, I am now going to put up many pictures. They are from that enlightened website Club Penguin. I could think of nowhere else where you could meet happier and more jolly penguin friends.

I am thinking, these are very good and they certainly are making me feel tingly and happy.

Though I am still a big Mr Jumbles fan. What do you think Friendless? An improvement?

Rate your penguin. I rather like the treadmill penguin, and the dancing musical penguin - very graceful. I think it is important for penguins to be fit I rather fancied myself a dancing gymnastics prude at one stage, it is very good for one's body, a healthy and graceful sport until you fall over in mid-cartwheel backwards leap - hmmm hmm. That is a great putter-offer. It can scar one for life especially if the whole school is watching and your gym tunic ....

Oh prude has some dark skeletons in her closet.

Club Penguin

Penguins and Purity.

Penguins and Innocence.

The concepts is inextricably linked, and here is the proof of the penguin pudding.

Welcome to Club Penguin

Where you is safe from predators and mummies and daddies make sure no questionable types waddle about.

They say it is like a MySpace without the adults and sex and bullying and with the penguins. I mean, there is no disadvantages and much advantages. The people who created this chose the penguin symbol.

Now, was it a conscious decision?

The penguin stand for all that is good and pure, the defender of a website as Mr Jumbles ardently defends mine from fools and cruel beings, with a passion and nobility only he have. Oh, and I have.

Some of my detractors will say "Prude, it were a random choice. Just picked an animal. Any animal."

I will say it was not. Even if the choice were not deliberate it were subconscious because the knowledge that the penguin stand for the pure in our hearts is deep within our souls. Look for it. It is there. Join Club Penguin and bring out the penguin in yourself.

Non-Prude Employment Opportunities

I has advocated penguin saving and penguin charity collecting. I has told people of the good of advocating chastity. Actually I do not think it would be a bad thing to become a surgeon if castration were a learnt art. It may stop some men going where it were not belonged. For some men I think it is the only way, they has not the self restraint otherwise.

However there is a knew job out that is trying to undo all my good work and I thinks they should be told off. Really. They is advocating the jiggety jig. And even making a competition out of it! It is a condom testing job and you get free products as payment. Hmmm. And since it is in testing stage you realise you may get some undesirable freebies out of it too, you know.

Anyhow, is that how it is rated, if you come back with undesirable freebies you rate it bad and they say sorry you had sextuplets and AIDS but I guess we had a bad condom in the pack - by the way you get some free condoms for your trouble?

Also you will be looked down by all your friends, not just because you is dying soon not just because of AIDS but because it is difficult to support sextuplets, and you is trying to remember six different types of nursery rhymes for them and that is a chore, but also because you has been loose and unchaste and there is real evidence for it now. No hiding. No going back. You is not part of the Virtuous Penguin Prude Society. Shame Shame Shame. And you will have that marking you to your grave.

A roll in the hay and a pack of free rubbers is not worth it.

Condom testing:

You could test to see if they could substitute well as party balloons.
You could test to see if you hang them up outside, they catch enough water on a rainy day to be environmentally friendly.
You could try putting markings on them and using them as substitutes for measuring instruments in the kitchen, 30 millilitres, etc

But to use them as an excuse to ruin your life is a disgrace. Remember, if it's on .... it's not on! And if it's not on ... it's not on either!

The Last ... Thing Mr Cruise Should have picked from the Samurai Wardrobe

Hmmm. I has had some mixed thoughts on Tom Cruise. He has nice white teeth, which indicate good dental hygiene and that I like. He flirt with buxom lady in Top Gun, that I frown upon as a good Prude does. He has a strong purpose in Scientology which I relate to even if mine is in Prude Activism. He made a movie called Cocktail which has a questionable title never mind about the content. I mean, really, disregard the content. Really.

But he really lost my respect mostly when I watch The Last Samurai. It was going not too badly even though there were not the requisite penguins which usually make a Holly hit nowadays, as directors seem to have twigged, but Japanese warriors seemed to have been their substitute. Then near the end Tom Cruise tries out some samurai moves which he is not that good at, but worse still he put on a dress.

Now a robe look appropriate on the monk.

On Tom Cruise it look like he is a drag queen. It was also bunched up round the waist and bellowed out - the real muffin top look. Oh horror of horrors.

Some men like Scots bagpipers can pull off a skirt. Hmmm, how did that read? I mean they can wear one and while some giggle at Scots bagpipers it is somewhat respectable.

Tom Cruise, he just look wrong.

What is really sad about this is I hear he is a father. This is a man he will be passing certain wardrobe fashions down to the next generation. I say there ought to be standardised tests for parents. Them who do this should be sterilised.

Prude Meets Someone 'Different'

Prude is walking down along the street on day when she meets someone who chats to her, again trying to gain her attention, and no, this time it were not one of those Elders. However, he is definitely someone different. Prudey was just acting like a normal sensible citizen, minding her own business, walking down the street inconspicuously in a penguin suit with chastity belt rattling underneath, like any other normal chaste good citizen would be doing, a little bit of a penguin dance step in her toe.

And then this rather strange individual walk by her side. He at first do not look too odd. He look just like many of the unfortunately unfashionable and not-very-intelligent loooking men that one see on the street nowadays i.e. very average. He has a stupid haircut, baggy T-shirt, ill-fitting shorts and they is faded and old, and a goofy smile on his face. I think "idiot alert" but that is what I is thinking when I is meeting over 90% of the population nowadays. The other 9.9% or so I is most often thinking something worse.

The conversation go something like this:

IDIOT: Do you have the time?

PRUDE: Sorry I do not. The penguin suit go over the wrist and not many watches can go over the large comfy texture of the penguin suit. However I do not see this as a major disadvantage.

IDIOT: I like to know the time because I need to go to my dance lessons - cha cha cha. cha cha cha. cha cha cha.

PRUDE: Your enthusiasm is admirable, However your rhythm and moves not so. I thinks you would be much improved by learning the penguin dance, and devoting more time to solid exercise routine as I do, it is a much more noble dance ...

IDIOT: Do you think I'm sexy?

PRUDE: [pause in shock, but not for long.] You outrageous disgusting lowlife! I shall report you to the Prude Reformers' Society! I shall file a complaint! Prude have never been so insulted in her life! This is what I think is known as a ... pick up ... it is only used on loooooooooose women ... I is not one of those ... I is wearing a chastity belt can you not hear it?!

IDIOT: Because my boyfriend thinks I am.

PRUDE: [more pauses in shock] Ugh! You is one of those! THOSE THINGS!

IDIOT: I used to do the modelling, you know?

PRUDE: You? You is just wearing some disgusting T-shirt! You is not even wearing a nicely pressed penguin suit!

IDIOT: I like the bikini, you know?

PRUDE: Hmmm. You is needing serious moral help. You ought to read an instructional article about the immorality of the bikini . But you is a man! Oh this is more ...

IDIOT: I like getting dressed up, I like the hair, and the make up and the high heels and the hand-bag you know?

PRUDE: It is not often prudey thinks of someone as beyond help. But perhaps you is it. You is putting pictures in Prude's mind she does not wish to see. Oh help cleanse my mind please ....

IDIOT: I'm going to go to the beach after my dance lesson. With four girls. I'm the only guy, but I like to think of myself as one of the girls.

PRUDE: I is feeling faint.

IDIOT: It's good to be different, don't you think?

PRUDE: It is good to be different from Burger Boy. It is good to be different from Michael Jackson, It is good to be different from Paris Hilton. It is especially good to be different from you. However .... I fear you is the wrong kind of different.

I would have fainted right there and then had I not thought there may be a chance he might catch me and I might be touched by one of THOSE people!

I saved my fainting for when he jogged round the corner to his cha cha cha class.

Surf's Up, Penguin Supporters!

Now it is true Prude has not said a great deal about surfing on her blog. However that is not the point. She has indeed said a lot about penguins. That is a fact. She has been a proud supporter of penguin movies. That is another fact. March Of The Penguins and Happy Feet are two of her favourite movies. And now another Penguin Movie is coming out.

Surf's Up

It is a true story movie about a penguin called Cody Maverick who is going to the Penguin Surfing Championships. I did not know about this competition but you learn something new all the time. It is a true story, it say.

This movie show that Penguins have achieved high power and status in media as they deserve. They is moral beings. It is right for people to look up to them. I say this is a good thing. I would like to say I is proud of the part my blog has played in bringing awareness of penguins to modern culture and allowing creative people to see that there is nothing wrong and there is much right about expressing yourself through the penguin theme.

Go forwards. Go upwards. I is proud of you. Show us, penguins, what you is really made of.

Postscript: A Gay Working Day

Hmmm; I mentions that Gay Hamilton might be better off in the tmes of Enid Blyton, but considering Enid Blyton's fascination with Fanny and Dick and their chasing one another about everywhere and getting up to mischief, perhaps not the best example Prude could have thoughts up at the time for The Age Of Innocence.

A Gay Working Day

There is some people who talks about equality in the workplace. But that is not completely true. For instance, if you is like Prude and you is a better smarter more moral worker, then you should be more respected. You has earned it. Even if it is not equal. And if someone is a criminal, like someone who has drunk up all the milk in the refrigerator or put nasty thumbtacks on your favourite chair knowing quite well it is you who always occupies it (I shall find out who it was yet) then they should not be well respected. They is low and unethical.

In such a position was Gay Hamilton who would have been quite chirpy perhaps if she had been about in the times of Enid Blyton. However it is important to make her understand that times have changed. Times is not so innocent any more and being gay or even being called Gay is quite queer and it give off a wrong smell to people. They pick it up on the air and they either run or they want a complete makeover.

Either way they treat you, by running away screaming, or start talking to you in a high-pitch voice wanting interior design tips, it is not professional.

Therefore it is quite right for them to fire her.

She can change her name by deed poll to something more flattering and dignified. Unfortunately the name Prude has been taken but I is sure something else will do.

*The computer system which detect this typeof error was very sophisticated. It also refused subscriptions of Yvette Rand and Yvonne Horn when subscription usernames were processed using surname plus first name initial. Blame the parents.

Respect Your Elder: Part 2

It is not even a month since I see Elder Spina in Hyde Park and then Elder Han approach me just recently. He is another troubled one with a lot of spin.

I try to explain I has heard his message and is not particularly impressed, but on he barge.

"Don't you want to live with your family forever? That is the message we teach, the purpose of life," he say.

"I is a more modern female," I point out. "You seem like a Mummy's Boy. Perhaps you ought to think about planning to move out one day and do your own cooking and ironing. I for one is responsible for the maintenance of my penguin suit entirely. And I do not have a Mummy wake me up to do my penguin dance exercises, I wake myself up. That is how a grown up lives."

I thinks these people has good hearts, but they is rather confused and not very mature, clear thinking or independent.

Not like Prude.

Richard Gere is a Dick

Morality is not exactly something we associate with movie stars, with the exception of perhaps the lead penguins in Happy Feet and March Of The Penguins.

However I digress because Richard Gere is not a penguin. This is both a good thing and a bad thing. It is a good thing because if he were he would be a disgrace to the penguin name (mr Jumbles nods vigorously here) but it is a bad thing because if he were one he would not have conducted himself in such a disgusting manner in the first place, anyhow.

I is referring of course to the now world famous OBSCENE KISS which has been heard about all over and may now land Richard Gere in gaol.

He was pashing Shilpa Shetty. Oh yes, that is her real last name, I is not making it up and it is quite rightly a downright dirty-sounding one. She has been quite tarnished.

He may now face gaol. And quite right too. Someone ought to be made an example of. It is a pity they ought not all go to gaol, people who outrage those who have some sense of dignity and do not make overt signs of affection. Like Prude here.

I has always advocated dignity and said quite strongly NO INTIMACY IN PUBLIC. A very strong objection to the John-Howard-holding-hands-with-Janette in public debacle was fully supported by myself.

Gere has joined the ranks of these people who has similarly shown affection in public and has not restrained his feelings. Such animals must be stopped. It is disgusting. It is immoral.

They should all be forced to take lessons from Prude. Gere say he support AIDS awareness, but just say he passes on some nasties by his uncontrollable passions? It seems he is a hypocrite. If you is against sexually transmittable diseases you should observe all restraint, from the start. Hands off I say.