Tuesday, 30 January 2007

Deep Analysis Of The Penguin Of Death


Someone say to me "Why do you not like the penguin of death, prude? It is a penguin, it is powerful, and it also have an enigmatic smile. What more could you want in a penguin?"

What more could I want in a penguin?

What more could I want in a penguin?


But first I shall answer "Why I do not like the penguin of death"

The penguin of death is FAT. And that white circle that is placed on its stomach by the artist is there not for purposes of artistic endeavour or realistic construction but just to emphasise a fatness.

This is a mockery of the penguin. I beg you to ignore white blobs on stomachs of penguins.

Anyhow the penguin of death is clearly a violent penguin. It is not a penguin of love, peace and morality as I preach. It is not like Mr Jumbles. Penguins is not violent creatures. Just as prude is not.

So I is really ANGRY with the creator of the penguin of death.

I hear his name is Edward Monkton. If you shall meet him, let me know and I shall do something about this. This mockery of penguins must come to an END.

Monday, 29 January 2007

Penguin of Death

Why oh why do people fill my inbox with these images?
Mr Jumbles say in a dignified voice: "I is not amused!"

Sunday, 21 January 2007

I agree with NZ ...

They say Jennifer is a nice girl but this is repulsive.

Anyhow rhinoceroses should not be treated in a sexual manner. I think this is illegal. Most immoral. (Besides is it not assault to be mauling its ears?)

It is disgusting the way people jump about showing so much flesh. Jennifer is a rich young girl, I thinks she has enough money to pay for some clothes!

Thursday, 11 January 2007

Movement On The Mission: Prude Meets Burger Boy

Today, prude has come close to converting someone for the better, and she will relate her tale to her readers and potentials.

This is the tale of prude and Burger Boy.

Burger Boy was sitting in a cafe today, munching away on burgers as young boys do. I has seen him careering about doing immoral things such as drinking and with young ladies. I used to call out to him useful things such as "That is immoral Burger Boy you shall bot be respected by me for that and that is important in life!"

However he called out to me in the past things not good to print here.

But today he is not being wild. He is munching on a burger. I say to myself, hmmm, what has brought about this change? Perhaps I has instilled himself a sense of good, and he is following my common sense. Even if burgers is not the most nutritional of foods in the universe some people need to take baby steps. So I approach him and he say to me, "Oh it is YOU, prude."

I feel I is making headway, at least he remembers me. That is a good sign.

"Yes it is me. Now let me ask you why you is not being your usual bad boy self. Was it because of something I said?"

"Yes it was you fool," he say. "I has been dropped by my fabulous girlfriend you know the one I mean the blonde one with the long black fingernails, she can't stand the way you scream and yell at me every time we pass the burger joint together. You have made her disappear! No more wild nights on the balcony for me. Thanks a lot!"

"You is very welcome," I say. "I perceive my mission is penetrating in ways I did not earlier imagine."

"I isn't even drinking because I want to stay sharp to plot my revenge," he complained.

"Yippee!" I say. "Although revenge of a young buxom-y lady is not so admirable abstinence from alcohol is. I commend you. Prude works in mysterious ways."

"I meant revenge on you, nutter," he growled. He look rather menacing.

Prude gets her cluey moments. She jumps up and says, "Burger Boy, enjoy your newly found moral enlightenment, I shall monitor it closely ... or perhaps from a distance ..."

While there is a lot still that need be done for Burger Boy, I think this may be some small steps for him, but some giant leap for prudekind.

Thursday, 4 January 2007

Introducing Mr Jumbles

Introducing for the edification of the blog, and for my readers' moral characters, Mr Jumbles.

Did you ever see such a fine example of dignity? Mr Jumbles was a present to me and the blog this Christmas and New Year, and now I present him as a gift to my readers, that is, he shall give benefits to you all as the official custodian of the blog. His moral and dignified character shall influence us all for the better.

He shows us a well-groomed-coat, toes ready to tap the penguin-dance, good posture, and gleaming, intelligent and curious eyes.

I trust you shall treat him with the respect the seniority of his position deserves.

Putting A Good Foot Forward

Now this is the time of the Year many people make what they call resolutions i.e. promises to do well for themselves. Now I say the good moral person should start their life well any time in the year, if you really want something you do not have to wait til New Year to do it (this philosophy of mine is very deep, it also allows me to convert people at any time which is important to my mission and their SOULS.)

However for some people it helps to make a list of things that they intend to do to make themselves a better person for the next year. prude is not against this practice, anything to get people on prude's mission is a worthy deal.

I has walked about and people say to me things like, "Oh, I has decided I will go on a holiday this year" or "I will lose 8 kilos and stop eating lollies" (this resolution usually lasts for 8 minutes til they get to the confectionery section of the supermarket).

These is very superficial goals to have and very selfish. It is all about image and leisure and such frivolities. It is not about moral guidelines. And a healthy planet.

Naturally a person will need to set down guidelines for him or herself depending on their own habits as some have different immoral lifestyles that better need correcting hmmm hmmmm.

However, prude sets out the following as some guidelines:

1. Stop this rampant sex mania

People think about and have sex so much nowadays it is immoral. In fact I feel faint just saying these sexy words. Sex sex sex. It is everywhere. Go on a protest and refuse to give in to these lower carnal lustful sinful disgusting immoral lascivious sexual desires. Hmmm.

2. This means also abolishing those naughty pics etc etc and not being led into temptation in such ways (yes you know who you are).

3. Do as I do, and wear a chastity belt. Now one person questions me and says if I am so pure, why do I need a chastity belt? Fool, this is not to keep impure people in, it is to keep impure people OUT!

4. No alcohol. Drink good milk.

5. Adopt a penguin. (See post below) Prince Andrew never looked a handsome man before. Hmm, I suppose he does not look so handsome a man in that pic either but at least he is doing the right thing.

And donate much to penguin charities.

6. Learn the penguin dance.

Now you have some worthwhile guidelines to New Year's Resolutions! May you get on track for the New Year!