Friday, 21 December 2007

The Virgin Mary

It is that time of year - Christmas. And we should reflect on the true meaning of Christmas. And the messages we should gain from it.
There are some who think it is all about Santas and presents. Now that is not true at all. While I is a bit partial to a choccie Santa that is not what you should take away from Christmas as its true meaning. You can eat the choccie Santa and not get any meaning at all. In fact that is how it is most often done.

The Number one most important message you should get is not about the consumerism but about the birth of Jesus Christ.

Now there will be some people who will come up to you and want to go on about the gifts of gold, frankenstein and myrrh. Forget it, that is actually all product placement. Again it is all about presents, though nicely disguised with some wise men and a barn to make the message more holy sounding instead of a drunken uncle at a family get-together or an Office Kris Kringle. That is not what Christmas is mostly about, though it do come in sideways.

The main message is about the Virgin Birth.

That is the most important thing about Christmas.

Mary, she is the most moral of beings. Virginity should be aspired to by all. Not only did Mary keep her pants on tightly up til marriage and birth, but even til AFTER BIRTH. Now that is something women should aspire to though not any has accomplished it since that has been widely recorded.

But if she can, I thinks someone else could try if they set their minds to it hard enough. It would not be easy but definitely a goal worth trying for.

She is an inspiration and a role model for all women.

Think of her this Christmas.

Sunday, 16 December 2007

Prude: How the Sex Obsessed Culture Damages Young Girls

Prude has got some more followers! Peoples who is championing her cause! I is very happy to say, that while it has taken years to do it, it is very well worth the efforts.

I present to you Ms Carol Platt Liebau's book Prude: How the Sex Obsessed Culture Damages Young Girls .

It fight the good fight against promiscuity and sexual aggression. And best of all it pour scorn on disgusting creatures from the garbage dump, Nicole Richie and Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.

And it show pole dancing for what it is, an immoral act. Some people has just been saying "Go pole dancing it is good exercise."

Well it is much better exercise to do penguin dancing and then you is not doing something immoral such as prancing about a giant phallic symbol, is you?

The more Prude Recruits the better, and I is glad to have some more on board! What a nice way to be drawing the year to a close!

Thursday, 13 December 2007

Undies or Not Undies? That is my Question.

Now we have a scandal of huge political proportions. Maxine McKew has barely been declared officially in when someone has caught her with her pants down.

Or at least they thinks they has.

The incriminating picture* I is posting has been shown around, and it has been slammed by some as being very offensive and raunchy, showing lots of leg. I cannot deny this. Maxine should have been a bit more modest I thinks. Do you see Mr Howard strutting off his legs in such a casual manner? I thinks not. And he should know the protocol if anyone should; he has been around this place for over a decade.

But it has been said that from a certain angle it looks like Maxine has no undies on! In a very Sharon Stone, Basic Instinct manner. Now this would be disgusting in the extreme. I has stared at the photo a great deal and so has Mr Jumbles but we cannot see no undies. On the other hand if there was no undies we could not see them so we has a bit of a conundrum here, hasn't we?

Still, I has my spies out. We shall see if it is a scandal or not. There shall be much staring up the skirt in order to make sure whether the pants are on or off. It is our duty to ensure the morality of the politicians!

*Well the incriminating picture was front on. But it was in the same place with the same dress on and that is what matters. And she sat next to John Howard as well.

Penguins Go Vege!

I has always liked a good eggplant. And I must say ... these is VERY GOOD eggplants.

Saturday, 8 December 2007

Would you face the Penguin Panel?

Now I has exciting news for those who has a computer or a video camera. Actually both. A panel of penguins is to be giving away $5000 in a competition where you create a film clip for them to market a book, called "A Fraction of the Whole" and the best clip gets the money.

Naturally you can give away the money to any charity you choose. That is FREE CHOICE hmm hmm

But loyalty to those who has told you about the competition karma karma karma karma

Anyhow I think it is a wonderful idea to think about how you measure up to penguin standards. There is bits about the book on the competition website and I thinks a good penguin lover could make a book promotion that the Penguins would think connects really with their values. That is what it is all about. Naturally I should expect it have good strong themes in it which promote Penguin-y values. I has the faith. I expects good things (I is rattling my penguin charity tin right now.) - go forth and conquer in the name of Prude's Mission!

Tuesday, 4 December 2007

Unadvised Names for Infant Minds

TimT has made a list of Suggested Names For Satanist Children and him being a great blog friend of mine I is honoured to say - or at least we post an each other's blogs from time to time which is what the internet come to these days in regard to friendship or even less when it come to Facebook - I is sure he do not mind too much my adapting his idea for a Prudey Post.

After all it is not at all as bad as what politicians do - both in terms of friendship and stealing ideas.

His post got me thinking about what disgusting names would be to call your child, if you is a Prude. Of course Prude is a fine name. So Is Mr Jumbles. And Squawk. My Father was descended of the great Prudes, we has a heritage, Prudus Nobilius, it go right back into history, it is a fine distinguished name.

But in fact it is more important to know of improper names, that you may avoid them, like cracks in the pavement, ticking time bombs, or people who try to get you to buy credit cards in the street.

I has compiled a list of some names off the top of my head I can think of as the most perilous. It is only a beginner's list.






French Fries

Burger Boy











Ginger Spice

Parsley Lynn

John Howard

Thursday, 29 November 2007

Non Chastity Charity

I do not knows where some people gets there morals, from the waste of the in-sink-erator? It seem like it when I read this story about a Chilean prostitute offering marathon sex at a telethon with money going towards handicapped kids.

I think the kids would be struck dumb and demoralised should they know that money is going towards them, and that is a handicap they would have to live with for the rest of their lives. Did this silly flasher ever think of that?

Not to mention what kind of handicap marathon sex can cause.

She say, "How can someone question a person who wants to put her job at the service of a noble cause?"

Perpetuating sexy is not a noble cause, I hasten to point out.

And I questoin her muchly.

It is like saying you would not question murder-for-hire for a cause. That is clearly wrong.
It is like saying you would not question a stripper who wish to strip for a cause. Clearly immoral.
It is like saying you would not question peoples who would swamp the market with porn for a cause. Clearly immoral.
It is like saying you would not question people who would sell short shorts and plastic sandals for a cause. That is ewwww!
It is like saying you would not question people who would sing death-metal for a cause. Save us all!
It is like saying you would not question any investment banker or politician who wish to continue in their job for a cause. Enough said.

Thursday, 22 November 2007

Tom Cruise: A Possible Prudism Convert?

Tom Cruise: whatever you might say about him, he have potential. I see him here doing the air motorcycle well that is what they call it. It is remarkably good dancing, though not extremely refined, but it show some potential in the arms and leg areas if you watch carefully.

He may well be a good candidate for teaching the Penguin Dance to. Watch him bop! I is interested in prying him off the Scientology muck and seeing if he will take on the mantle of Prudism. After all I think it may be much more worthy and I could use someone with his enthusiasm.

What's more, it seem he will do almost anything and try anything, so I thinks a chastity belt, a penguin suit and Prude activism will not be off-putting to him. He is not one to shy away from challenges. What has he to lose?

It is an interesting project to consider. If I can forgive him for Top Gun and Cocktail and move on.

Tuesday, 13 November 2007

The Curse of the Condoms

Well, it has come upon us. People is dying of the Curse of the Condoms . And why? Because human beings is wicked. They is wanting too much sexy.

It is a simple equation really, the logic a child can play with but humans is blind and they do not wish to see it. So someone like Mr Jumbles must explain it to them.

Mr Jumbles, step forth.

"Human Beings. You has a problem. Hair bands is being made of recycled condoms, but they is being scientifically - I repeat - scientifically proven to being a health hazard. They is spreading infectious diseases. you may catch genital warts and even AIDS from a hairband, and it is common practice to hold a hairband in your mouth while doing your hair, for instance for that I must say 'Eeeeeeeergh! ewwwwww!'

I say to you humans, what does this tell me? You humans does too much sexy. If you has not a need for so much illicit sexy relations you would not have all these used condoms around. Condoms would be unused. There may not even be condoms at all. Is I right or is I right? I is right?

I is right.

I is applying that logic to the next step to say that if there is no used condoms, then used condoms could not be used to make hairbands and therefore this terrible disease spread could not have occurred. I is explaining therefore that it is the human urge for sexy that has caused this tragedy and therefore it is the beast that must be stopped.'

I thinks you would have a hard time arguing with such logic as that of Mr Jumbles! Bravo!

Wednesday, 7 November 2007

The Meeting of Squawk

Mr Jumbles is walking down the streets of Sydney recently, asking people to donate to charity for penguins.

"Donate to save the penguins!" he is calling. But people is ignoring him, probably because he is not a hobo or doing hip-hop in the middle of a mall. It is a sad world where you must be either really stinky or an exhibitionist with bad clothes and music sense to get any money. It mean the worthy people is getting ignored all the times.

Then he is seeing a penguin ambling down the street towards him. No, it is not Prude in a penguin suit. It is a real penguin. Mr Jumbles is a smart penguin. He can tell the difference right away even though mine is a very good quality penguin suit.

This penguin is a vision of grey silken down and white, tipped in blue. It is a very noble and dignified colouring. He stop and say to her, "Excuse me, I see you is a penguin. So is I."

"Indeed," she say. "It is a pleasure to see you. There is not much penguin company in Sydney."

"No, indeed," say Mr Jumbles. "You is the first I has seen in many months."

"I is actually from Melbourne," she explain. "I moved to Sydney just recently."

"Oh," say Mr Jumbles. "May I introduce myself? I is Mr Jumbles."

"I is Squawk."

"Squawk? That is a fine and honorable name."

"It is," she reply demurely. "My mother was Squawk and my grandmother before her. We has a long ancestral line of Squawks. It has a great history of Squawks in our family. We is very proud of it."

Mr Jumbles is looking at this fine creature, she is obviously a noble and dignified lady.

"I is thinking ... perhaps you would like to meet a great friend of mine. Her name is Prude."

"I would be honoured, Mr Jumbles!"

Mr Jumbles Finds a Friend

Sydney is not a bad place to live, however it has one detriment in particular for Mr Jumbles. There is not many penguin friends here for him. If we were in Antarctica, he could have many familiar folk around, however here he has not as many associates. I thinks we should take the time to congratulate Mr Jumbles on his devotion to Prude's Mission - he has put his social ideology ahead of mere socialising. What a worthy penguin!

But it is always good to have compatriots and while Mr Jumbles and I has got along well it is good for him to meet another penguin. They can sit and trade penguin stories. And I is glad to say that recently Mr Jumbles has met a penguin, ambling about on the streets of Sydney. It is not a common place to find penguins, but life has its quirks.

I is glad to say that like most penguins she is a noble being. Grey-and-white in colour, with delicate pink feet, silken in body and a most noble and dignified penguin. I is glad to introduce her as the newest member of Prude's Mission.

Her name is Squawk.

Tuesday, 30 October 2007

Hot Advice from Prude

The weather is hotting up and people is getting sweatier. Daylight saving has set in and that is a sure sign people is getting hot about the collar - literally.

In hot weather, there is always the temptation of human beings to prance about naked in public. They say this is because they is too hot in clothes but often it is a chance to exhibit themselves. You see these people all the time. They is called nudists, disgusting people, or really really hot people.

Unfortunately they is not often really hot HOT people. Mostly those who chooses to walk about in nothing not even a vine leaf tends to be people who the rest of us is not even wanting to ogle. They is usually the old, the wrinkly, the fat, the abnormally ugly. That is what makes this tendency even more disgusting. It is even worse when you remember that hot weather means SWEAT.

But add on to this that any type of prancing about publicly naked is extremely immoral. People should not be making exhibitions of themselves. Nudity is crudity not prudity I say. In fact people should not be showing off their naked bodies even in their own homes. I is always undressing under a towel in a wardrobe locked from the inside when I is at home, even if no one else is in the house. Best to maintain prude habits at all times, then you has no possibility of perhaps lapsing.

But in summer, this do not mean that one cannot be comfortable in hot weather. It simply mean that prudity come first.

Here are some prude tips for going about in hot weather:

You can wear a nice dress that cover up your whole body but it do not need to be of velvet or leather or some such. Cotton is quite all right.
Wear a nice sunhat
Carry a fan
Put an icecube in your drink
Eat an ice cream
Sit in the shade
When you is collecting for a prude charity and one person walks away (it is sad it happens) do not chase after them (this make you hot and sweaty). Call after them "You will regret this missed chance to join prude's mission!" and let it follow them. Move on to the next convert-to-be. That person has gone for now but they will be back with your words ringing in their ears.

It goes without saying that one should not have sex if one is a prude. But remember that sex make you hot, so that is an extra deterrent.

If all else fails you could do as the penguins (those admirable creatures!) do - migrate to Antarctica

Monday, 29 October 2007

The Man has Jumped the Blog

Just a little while ago on a prudey blog-post just a bit further down a blog poster who has been known to us commenters as GT or sometimes as "The Man" which he like to pronounce himself as, spit chips and say he is not coming back here any more, after being a regular Prude-follower for months.

My keen prudey sense say this mean he threaten not to come back the Prude blog, not meaning just to that post.

Poor GT. Little does he realise what is waiting for him in the world of evil without prudey guidance. One day he will come away from those youthful daze of his and say "I wish I had better moral guidance but I shunned those who knew better in favour of a live-it-up fun lifestyle. I thoughts I knew better than those who was older and wiser but that is the folly of youth. Oh to go back and change my decisions!"

It is something many of has said, or will say, except maybe Mr Jumbles.

GT, I wish you well but it is a hard world out there without good strong moral support.

P.S. GT has stomped off suddenly calling Prudey a bigot. I is not sure what he is referring to or why he is so cross about what I has said then. Prude has always speak like this and give these views. Oh youthful temper!

Saturday, 27 October 2007

We all has baggage in life. Just some is more moral baggage than other baggage.

It is a well known fact in life that everyone carries baggage in life. This is an inescapable fact of life. Whether you is a good moral person or a low-life, Mr Jumbles or Burger Boy, you will carry burdens. It has been documented all through history.

At one time people used to have to carry their baggages in little bundles. They used to roll them up in blankets and then double the blankets up for towels and for sleeping on. Now they did not know better but this is pretty repulsive. No wonder they get extra burdens in life and the rest of the human race is soiled. You means you wipe your naughty parts with the same things you wrap your bits of bread and cheese in? It explain a lot about the state of the human race nowadays.

Fortunately humans have become better progressed and we have inherited such burdens from our forebears but we do not have to keep adding to the grime so much. Certainly there is no need to throw some little bits of random hairs into the mix a gifts to the next generation. We has been more advanced in our baggage technology and we should make this our legacy to the future.

Prude is very understanding of this and she has come across the most moral of baggage holders, and indeed baggage, for Prudes to trolley around. It is the Penguin Bag, coming in many models to suit various Prudey needs. It come in Backpacks, Weekenders, Trolleybags, Shoulder bags, produced by Samsonite. What more could you ask for?

Not only is it nice and clean and have separate compartments for your towel and your bread-and-cheese, and it nice and strong, but it pronounce your prudeyness to the world. That in itself is most important. It deliver your message in a swag.

A little backpack may suit your needs, or a set of Penguin Bags for the penguin who has a bit more to carry around. Or who simply revel in a few more penguins around the place.

This is the latest in luggage technology. Embrace a penguin bag, and embrace the future.

Jump on your mission with a penguin on your back!

Tuesday, 23 October 2007

Cheaters, you is just as bad as child molesters!

Someone is taking a moral stance against cheating. And about time too I is thinking. It seem to me some people is thinking it is rather fun and not too bad to be flinging themselves around. But one day you will be flinging too much and you will fall hard and you will not like it much. I guarantee it. Cheating is wrong.

I has heard people go on about how they think it is just all about thrills and living it up. Well great times can be had in life without being an immoral person. I has said to these people, have you not tried dancing and ice cream? Or maybe a nice cookie and a good game of checkers? They has not known how to have a good time without being immoral and that is because they is thinking one thing all the time.

And it is not a good thing.

However I is saying, one place is trying to keep people on the straight and narrow, one place besides Prude's Mission that is. It is the Anglican Church who has now decided to keep a big register of cheats who is in the clergy - will that shame you peoples? I hope so. It is a pity they don't makes it bigger and make it extended to everyone. It will go alongside their paedophile listing. However I guess you finds heaps of paedophiles in the Church so maybe this is a good enough place to start with cheats anyhow. You may find a good number of them here.

Start small and get big. The moral revolution has to starts somewhere.

Meanwhile, I is hoping everyone in the community is feeling that little bit more protected. Perhaps such a register will mean it is less likely your spouse will be flinging off with the local minister.

That can only be a good thing.

Friday, 19 October 2007

Smuggling Budgie Smugglers is Bad for your Health

Well I has always thought Speedos has looked disgusting. They has shown off far too much of a male's bits. Bits which should not be seen, ever. They should be tucked away forever and ever, they should not be known about. I wish I had not known about them but unfortunately someone wore some Speedos and this knowledge was forced upon Prude here.

It is something I is not needing knowledge of.

But if there is ever an additional incentive to not have the budgie smugglers around (hmmm I hope they is not smuggling real budgies in there because I is against such cruelty to animals. If a bird was in that region of the body it would be heinous. And I would be even more outraged if it were a penguin) then it would be this report that explains that Speedos is a health hazard. In fact they is banned in some places. Like Guantanamo Bay. And perhaps the move should be made to ban them in Sydney too.

They is apparently used lots for making nooses from, and people gets hanged lots like that. Well you is thinking that only happens in Cuba? Wrong, there is lots of depressed sad people here who is not needing extra help from Speedos. And lowering the suicide rate is a good thing.

It could be a triple whammy.
  1. People is not committing suicide from making nooses from Speedos
  2. People is not committing suicide from seeing other ugly people in Speedos or realising other people have bits they is not knowing about before
  3. People is not committing suicide from seeing how gross they is looking in Speedos, a grossness that they is not realising before, now extra-emphasised
The major incentive for me will always be they is looking wrong. Suicide or not. However if someone need an extra reason it is nice to have a list for them. Some people need an extra boost to had on the right track.

Wednesday, 17 October 2007

The Virgin Cover

Penguin Books has another great idea: Blank Books.

Well there is a story inside but the cover is blank. In its classic book section.




You is of course able to draw on the cover and personalise it with a good moral picture, so there is none of this half-nudey picture trash that some artists seem apt to like to scrawl on covers. You can make all your front covers penguin heroes and what a joy that will be. Make sure each heroine is wearing a chastity belt and send some good moral messages out there.

Unfortunately there will be some people like Friendless and Burger Boy who will use this opportunity for bad. Such people ought to be stopped from buying blank books in my opinion. In fact it is a wonder they is allowed to roam free in society.

But in the hands of a Prude, a blank book is a thing of beauty, and a joy forever. It is a chance for expression and education. It is a chance to make sure a moral message is passed down to other generations. Prudies may wish to buy blank books for their friends for Christmas, and draw moral messages on them for them as gifts. I am sure they would be appreciating the thought.

What would your moral mesage be? - remember it is your legacy for the future

Tuesday, 16 October 2007

Your Ties Says Something Important About You

It is always important to have great ties in the community.

Polite Prudes Unite

You is thinking to yourself, "I is thinking that Penguin Books (see below competition) is the most moral of books, but which is the most moral Penguin Books of Penguin Books?"

Well, I is thinking that there is a very clear runner in the race. In fact this Penguin is running so far ahead I is thinking not many other penguins will have a chance.

It is with great pleasure I recommend this great work of Penguin Literature, The Penguin Book of Etiquette , a book which give great advice about how a true penguin and a true Prude ought conduct himself and herself and penguinself in public and in private. Nobility, dignity, chastity, integrity and prudity. I is thinking how fine a gem are we honoured to have in this society.

I has nominated it as Prude's favourite Penguin book.

It remind us of some important dicta "Courtesy is not just for special people and special occasions, it's for everyone, every day."

A Prude should conduct its prudeself in a becoming way at all times not just on Melbourne Cup Day and days like that. It should also be remembered that Chastity is not just for special people and for special occasions too. It is not just for monks and nuns and not just for every third Wednesday. It is for every single day and it is to be celebrated. Like courtesy if we is to extend chastity to every part of our lives we is to be respected for it. I thinks this is the Etiquette Book message.

Mr Jumbles is nodding his head in agreement and cannot wait to read another page of this wholesome book. That is a recommendation in itself.

Be polite, prudies, and unite. Banners for modern manners!

Saturday, 13 October 2007

Win a Very Moral Penguin Package!

Now I is not usually one for advocating competitions as most things I believe is the product of hard work and lots of charity-work and chastity. However I do think this is one that is too important to pass up and it will enhance your bookcase for the better if you is winning it, also if you goes to this website you will be seeing some very upright logos which is a good thing in itself.
It is a Penguin Package Competition. Unfortunately you do not win a real penguin, but you can win a book package for penguin books which is inferior to an actual penguin but still very moral.
I has already entered the competition but I urge you to also.

Penguin books is a great book publishing company.

If I was to write a Prude Book (which I is thinking of doing by the way. Any good titles I is open to hearing about) they would have the honour of receiving my manuscript first. And oh what an honour that would be.

Also I would like to remind you all that at the moment Borders books is having Penguin and Puffin (the little penguins) books at 20% off now. This is a great chance to get some more penguins into your house, and that is always a good thing.
Good luck penguin lovers and prude-followers and let me know of your great successes with penguin-obtaining!

Saturday, 15 September 2007

Too much Plastic, Too little Fantastic

I has told you plastic boob jobs is wrong, and here is the picture that proves my case.

It is wrong. The boobies must be half her body weight.

It is not attractive. It is a burden. Obviously she needed brain enhancements not boobie enhancements.

It is society's fault for placing so much weight on boobies that we have boobies with so much weight. That is why I has campaigned for the Natural Boobie. You should not be fixated with boobies. You should not thinks about them so much that you wish to stuff them with silicon. That is immoral.

Prude say - if a man is fixated with your boobies, remove all sharp objects from the room. You may be in danger.

Why go from fresh to flesh?

I cannot understand this obsession with teeny bopper stars trying to look sexy when in fact they do not sexy they looks like silly looking girls who has had a fit and got dressed up in Mum's clothes and put on Mum's makeup.

One of course is the "new Delta Goodrem". Actually she does not look like a new Delta, nor does she look like the younger Delta Goodrem, who at least might have looked a bit OK, she was sympathetic. Now she has layered herself in makeup and cinched back her hair so it pull back her skin and she just look plain weird.

What is the problem? It mean little girls think the only way people respect them is if they is sexy. And that is not true. In fact it mean we respect you less and we think you look weird.

Delta seem like nice girl to start off with, then you hear she has some indelicate romances. Do they make her a big star? No, I is afraid not, they do not make her a role model, they make her fallen from grace. Then she try this look and it is even worse.

Young girls should have a positive role model, more like me.

Someone who know that by keeping your clothes on and staying true to yourself not running round with bad boys that is a true career and make people respect you. Most of all you respect yourself.

I cannot but look at these poor girls and feel anything but pity. Oh and disgust. They is not hot. They is not sexy. They is just sad.

Thursday, 6 September 2007

Horny Old Bags

Now this is something that I is not wanting to see, and I is thinking it is distasteful to many. Of course it could be worse but that is making me choke because it is already bad enough.

Of course I is referring to the Everlasting Love ads for home loans featuring sexy romps with Bill and Glenys Ferguson. They is both 79 years old and they should be old enough to know better than to be flashing their wrinkled skin and getting it on in the backyard for all to see. You should think at their age they should have grown some morals. It is about time I should say.

Sex is immoral at all ages. And it is disgusting that advertisers should try to use it to sell home loans. I mean next they will do something low like try to use it to sell cars or alcohol or clothes or holidays. You just don't know how far it will go if they get this far they could really push it so it must be stopping now.

But for old people to be sex romping? Now that makes me feel sick to the stomach. Where is the taste? Where is the role model? Where is the dignity?

I suppose it could be worse. They could be John and Janette Howard.

They could be Amanda Vanstone.

Oh sorry she is only one person. Sometimes I get confused.

They could be wearing nipple clamps and G-strings.

But it is still disgusting enough. I will rather live in a little hut built from sticks rather than buy a home loan from people who perpetuate such filth. It would be against my dignity. I will live in prudely honour. Hopefully it shall not come to that, but if it does ...

By my prudeness I say this!


Not just crude and rude movies out there, but now this awful piece of TV show, something that has outraged good upright moral people and penguins everywhere . And Christians also you can see in this article are outraged.

It is very smutty and slutty. I is noticing a scene where a man is having oral sex in a church and that is not about being talked sexily to in a church though that would be tasteless enough. I mean after all those stories you hear about priests I do not think it is in community's best interests to give people sexy ideas in a church area. It only encourage people to do immoral acts.
The show stars David Duchovny who used to be in the X-Files but now he shall be forever tarred as Hank Moody, that disgusting man in Californication , the X-rated Files.

He enjoys drink, and drugs and women which is three very good reasons why you should not enjoy him. In any form.

I ask you: What would a noble penguin do?

Reflect. You know the answer in your heart. And make sure that chastity belt is kept firmly in place!

Tuesday, 4 September 2007

Crude & Rude Movies

I is very disappointed in people nowadays. We is getting bombarded with unwholesome movies. Not only was there that disgusting Farce of the Penguins but now there is this utterly gross Superbad thing and then a very tasteless I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry .

Why is it that people thinks that sex and masturbation and other such filth is the source of the best comedy? I is saying right now to you that it is not. It is not something that need to be explored and put out in the public. It is not natural or to be talked about. I can say for the record I has not ever masturbated and if I did I would do it for medical purposes only under the direction and supervision of a doctor.

And then there is silly gay jokes and boobie jokes. Well that is not a joke at all, especially if it is Adam Sandler involved that is worse. Homosexuals should be decried as immoral not laughed about as if their movement - literal or metaphorical - was something to be regarded with levity. And Adam Sandler regard a woman' breast area not with the proper amount of modesty. I think it is disgusting.

We need some more family movies. Movies that make people go out there and savour the greatness that it is to be upright and moral and embrace the world in its fullness and not wish to lower yourself to tawdry things like sex. One that make people concentrate on important things like charity, environment, goood posture, exercise, harmony in life etc. I is thinking of releasing a good exercise video. The model of course would be penguin dancing and themes but I is open to other suggestions. Graceful stretches to promote good breathing and healthy thoughts. Excellent posture, which can fail those at time when one blogs too often. And so on.

At any rate, do not waste your time in a movie theatre with these movies. Good health also mean keeping a good clean mind!

Friday, 17 August 2007

Pingu comes tops

Well, well, well. I said it about March of the Penguins. I said it about Happy Feet. I said it about Surf's Up.

Penguins is ruling the entertainment roost, and now they is coming to TV . We just can't get enough of them. They is the top rating tv show in the mornings . Go the penguin! Morality and nobility rule! And shove out those other morning show cacklers who think they is someone but cannot beat the power of the Penguin. The Penguin is Mightier than the Human Being Trying To Be Charismatic In The Morning. Not many humans is good in the mornings I has found but the penguins is. I think it comes from good penguin dance exercises early on in life, start at dawn.

The penguin who is doing so well is called Pingu . Not quite a Mr Jumbles but very respectable. Mr Jumbles is quite a fan and has bookmarked the Pingu website. Mr Jumbles likes to see his fellow penguins spread the good penguin word.

Now you all has something a bit more to brighten up your morning, and educate you further. What more could you want?

What is Zoo Thinking? Zoo Immoral People, Zoo!

If it were possible for Zoo magazine to hit a minus integrity low, this disgusting immoral Big Boob Competition would be it.
First of all the magazine says win a big boob job for your girlfriend. Well I say it is disgusting that a man should be thinking of his girl's breasts let alone wishing they were very big.

He should be thinking of his partner in life, about her moral integrity. Her commitment to purpose in life. Her prudey ideals and intellectualism, somewhat like Prude's.

The idea he should be wanting big breasts in her (or on her) says one thing only - it means he is thinking of wicked things. You is knowing what I means. The eyes centre in on the chest and they is focussed not on her higher being.

The Editor of this magazine says that this is a most romantic gift to give a girlfriend.
What could be more romantic?

Many things.
A penguin suit.
A donation to a penguin charity, in her name.
A pet penguin or penguin doll.
Dinner set with penguin motif.
Trip to Antarctica (or Tasmania) for penguin sighting.
A Prudemobile.
DVD - "March of The Penguins" "Happy Feet".

Prude has many romantic gift ideas. No need to stoop to this plastic fantastic stuff!

Thursday, 2 August 2007

This Farce - it is an Insult! No Punishment Too Bad for Bob Saget!

I has read the reviews, and the articles, I has seen the advertising, I has unfortunately seen the website and that is too much. I will be boycotting that disgusting thing they is calling a film, The Farce Of The Penguins .

I recommend you all do the same.

My beloved film, the one that promote the greatness of the noble creature, the penguin, i.e. March Of The Penguins, has been utterly ridiculed by this disgusting attempt. Fortunately Luc Jacquet's masterpiece will hold strong because it is noble and Bob Saget's amateur stupidity shocker will fall flat on its face because it should.

I advise anyone who actually keeps his old Full House videos to make a bonfire of them and dance around them gleefully saying "Good riddance to Bob Saget!" Hmmm. I know what will keep me busy this afternoon.

Farce Of the Penguins is not about nobility and restraint or chastity it inaccurately show penguins as hedonistic creatures who go to immoral places such as nightclubs in the hunt for flings and casual sex. This show inaccurate research and I think there may be a lawsuit in there for slander. Mr Jumbles is studying it up. Bob Saget be wary in case many penguins file defamation suits against you.

On the other hand many robed penguins may simply come to your door one time in the middle of the night and drag you out and teach you a lesson. Perhaps slapping your botty with dead fish and dancing a jig around you. How would you like that? You may even be left with a little penguin of death logo drawn on your forehead as a reminder of your wrongdoings.

Of course if that should happen you did not read it here. I is merely speculating. But it would be justice.

Wednesday, 1 August 2007

Welcome the PrudeMobile!

Blogger GT asked recently, what kind of car would prude have if she had a car?

That is a very interesting question. For at the moment Prude do not have a car. She walks most places or she has caught the bus or train. A couple of times she has caught a taxi but taxi drivers are not very polite in general. And some has appalling English skills, unlike Prude here whose English skills is second to none.

Walking is very good for the body as well as good for the environment, and a Dream PrudeMobile would definitely reflect those values. It would be fuel efficient. In fact, if possible Prude would have invented some revolutionary way in the future to have used up something that no one want anymore and have no carbon emissions at all.

Perhaps she could design a certain way to power a car on dinner leftovers, spam emails, politicians' broken promises and policies, lost paperclips, pez containers and introductory offers to credit card companies, without there being any emissions. This would be a great boon for the environment.

Her car would be ergonomically designed to support the back and give good posture, for a good penguin always sit upright. PrudeMobiles would be available in noble colours, white, black and white, and blue and white.

Such a car would be spick and span because prude detest rubbish. There would be a large roomy area for holding a box to collect penguin charity donations, and a brush should one's penguin suit need a bit of maintenance.

A CD player installed in the car would recite Prude's incantations as she drove through the streets, in the hope of converting the sinners she pass. "Chastity! Do not forget chastity! It is Good to be a Prude! Do not think about sex! Be chaste! Do not give into earthly disgusting temptations! Hold yourself high and be above wickedness!"

Near where the accelerator and brake is, there would be room to let your idle foot do a good penguin dance limbering up exercise.

It would be driven at a moderate speed. Prude detest this idea of racing against hoons. It is dangerous and rough and stupid. Also, if you drive more moderately the more likely pedestrians and passers-by will hear your Prude message and be converted than if you buzz by hardly seen.

Safety. Beauty. Upholding Righteous Values. Body, mind and soul in harmony.

The Prudemobile embody them all.

Friday, 20 July 2007

Disney's Finding Nemo: Skating On Thin Ice

Finding Nemo I think is a good wholesome movie in many ways. It does not contain penguins but the fish in it are quite friendly creatures and as I say I am a penguin fan but this do not mean I do not appreciate other forms of wildlife. I am partial to a bit of fish. Indeed.

However, I is shocked to find out that Disney, that children's production company, that one who has brought to us such icons as the great Mickey Mouse, has decided to desecrate our great Barrier Reef movie with its Disney production, Finding Nemo: Disney On Ice Production.

It is with great sadness I show you some of the Disney On Ice production pictures.

Our great Nemo and Dory and other characters have been ruined. What were lovely innocent fish swimming in the sea have now been ridiculed. They has been made into costumes by skaters that have been modified for the sexual gratification of insensitive designers, I must say this is the only reasonable explanation I can come up with.

These suggestive protuberances!

The goggle eyes of a clownfish which protrude straight from the chest area! What more can I say that will convince you this is an extremely disgusting interpretation of an otherwise moral tale.

I hate to know how they show the sea cucumber.

I call on you to protest against this, and to protect your children from such filthy images. Children should not think of fish in this way.

I is truly horrified.

Thursday, 19 July 2007

Friends For Friendless

My very good blogger friend Friendless (hmmm?) posted recently that he missed the many pictures that used to pervade prudesmission. He complained that "Mr Jumbles just didn't do it for him any more." In light of that, I am now going to put up many pictures. They are from that enlightened website Club Penguin. I could think of nowhere else where you could meet happier and more jolly penguin friends.

I am thinking, these are very good and they certainly are making me feel tingly and happy.

Though I am still a big Mr Jumbles fan. What do you think Friendless? An improvement?

Rate your penguin. I rather like the treadmill penguin, and the dancing musical penguin - very graceful. I think it is important for penguins to be fit I rather fancied myself a dancing gymnastics prude at one stage, it is very good for one's body, a healthy and graceful sport until you fall over in mid-cartwheel backwards leap - hmmm hmm. That is a great putter-offer. It can scar one for life especially if the whole school is watching and your gym tunic ....

Oh prude has some dark skeletons in her closet.

Wednesday, 18 July 2007

Club Penguin

Penguins and Purity.

Penguins and Innocence.

The concepts is inextricably linked, and here is the proof of the penguin pudding.

Welcome to Club Penguin

Where you is safe from predators and mummies and daddies make sure no questionable types waddle about.

They say it is like a MySpace without the adults and sex and bullying and with the penguins. I mean, there is no disadvantages and much advantages. The people who created this chose the penguin symbol.

Now, was it a conscious decision?

The penguin stand for all that is good and pure, the defender of a website as Mr Jumbles ardently defends mine from fools and cruel beings, with a passion and nobility only he have. Oh, and I have.

Some of my detractors will say "Prude, it were a random choice. Just picked an animal. Any animal."

I will say it was not. Even if the choice were not deliberate it were subconscious because the knowledge that the penguin stand for the pure in our hearts is deep within our souls. Look for it. It is there. Join Club Penguin and bring out the penguin in yourself.

Thursday, 5 July 2007

Non-Prude Employment Opportunities

I has advocated penguin saving and penguin charity collecting. I has told people of the good of advocating chastity. Actually I do not think it would be a bad thing to become a surgeon if castration were a learnt art. It may stop some men going where it were not belonged. For some men I think it is the only way, they has not the self restraint otherwise.

However there is a knew job out that is trying to undo all my good work and I thinks they should be told off. Really. They is advocating the jiggety jig. And even making a competition out of it! It is a condom testing job and you get free products as payment. Hmmm. And since it is in testing stage you realise you may get some undesirable freebies out of it too, you know.

Anyhow, is that how it is rated, if you come back with undesirable freebies you rate it bad and they say sorry you had sextuplets and AIDS but I guess we had a bad condom in the pack - by the way you get some free condoms for your trouble?

Also you will be looked down by all your friends, not just because you is dying soon not just because of AIDS but because it is difficult to support sextuplets, and you is trying to remember six different types of nursery rhymes for them and that is a chore, but also because you has been loose and unchaste and there is real evidence for it now. No hiding. No going back. You is not part of the Virtuous Penguin Prude Society. Shame Shame Shame. And you will have that marking you to your grave.

A roll in the hay and a pack of free rubbers is not worth it.

Condom testing:

You could test to see if they could substitute well as party balloons.
You could test to see if you hang them up outside, they catch enough water on a rainy day to be environmentally friendly.
You could try putting markings on them and using them as substitutes for measuring instruments in the kitchen, 30 millilitres, etc

But to use them as an excuse to ruin your life is a disgrace. Remember, if it's on .... it's not on! And if it's not on ... it's not on either!

Monday, 18 June 2007

The Last ... Thing Mr Cruise Should have picked from the Samurai Wardrobe

Hmmm. I has had some mixed thoughts on Tom Cruise. He has nice white teeth, which indicate good dental hygiene and that I like. He flirt with buxom lady in Top Gun, that I frown upon as a good Prude does. He has a strong purpose in Scientology which I relate to even if mine is in Prude Activism. He made a movie called Cocktail which has a questionable title never mind about the content. I mean, really, disregard the content. Really.

But he really lost my respect mostly when I watch The Last Samurai. It was going not too badly even though there were not the requisite penguins which usually make a Holly hit nowadays, as directors seem to have twigged, but Japanese warriors seemed to have been their substitute. Then near the end Tom Cruise tries out some samurai moves which he is not that good at, but worse still he put on a dress.

Now a robe look appropriate on the monk.

On Tom Cruise it look like he is a drag queen. It was also bunched up round the waist and bellowed out - the real muffin top look. Oh horror of horrors.

Some men like Scots bagpipers can pull off a skirt. Hmmm, how did that read? I mean they can wear one and while some giggle at Scots bagpipers it is somewhat respectable.

Tom Cruise, he just look wrong.

What is really sad about this is I hear he is a father. This is a man he will be passing certain wardrobe fashions down to the next generation. I say there ought to be standardised tests for parents. Them who do this should be sterilised.

Tuesday, 5 June 2007

Prude Meets Someone 'Different'

Prude is walking down along the street on day when she meets someone who chats to her, again trying to gain her attention, and no, this time it were not one of those Elders. However, he is definitely someone different. Prudey was just acting like a normal sensible citizen, minding her own business, walking down the street inconspicuously in a penguin suit with chastity belt rattling underneath, like any other normal chaste good citizen would be doing, a little bit of a penguin dance step in her toe.

And then this rather strange individual walk by her side. He at first do not look too odd. He look just like many of the unfortunately unfashionable and not-very-intelligent loooking men that one see on the street nowadays i.e. very average. He has a stupid haircut, baggy T-shirt, ill-fitting shorts and they is faded and old, and a goofy smile on his face. I think "idiot alert" but that is what I is thinking when I is meeting over 90% of the population nowadays. The other 9.9% or so I is most often thinking something worse.

The conversation go something like this:

IDIOT: Do you have the time?

PRUDE: Sorry I do not. The penguin suit go over the wrist and not many watches can go over the large comfy texture of the penguin suit. However I do not see this as a major disadvantage.

IDIOT: I like to know the time because I need to go to my dance lessons - cha cha cha. cha cha cha. cha cha cha.

PRUDE: Your enthusiasm is admirable, However your rhythm and moves not so. I thinks you would be much improved by learning the penguin dance, and devoting more time to solid exercise routine as I do, it is a much more noble dance ...

IDIOT: Do you think I'm sexy?

PRUDE: [pause in shock, but not for long.] You outrageous disgusting lowlife! I shall report you to the Prude Reformers' Society! I shall file a complaint! Prude have never been so insulted in her life! This is what I think is known as a ... pick up ... it is only used on loooooooooose women ... I is not one of those ... I is wearing a chastity belt can you not hear it?!

IDIOT: Because my boyfriend thinks I am.

PRUDE: [more pauses in shock] Ugh! You is one of those! THOSE THINGS!

IDIOT: I used to do the modelling, you know?

PRUDE: You? You is just wearing some disgusting T-shirt! You is not even wearing a nicely pressed penguin suit!

IDIOT: I like the bikini, you know?

PRUDE: Hmmm. You is needing serious moral help. You ought to read an instructional article about the immorality of the bikini . But you is a man! Oh this is more ...

IDIOT: I like getting dressed up, I like the hair, and the make up and the high heels and the hand-bag you know?

PRUDE: It is not often prudey thinks of someone as beyond help. But perhaps you is it. You is putting pictures in Prude's mind she does not wish to see. Oh help cleanse my mind please ....

IDIOT: I'm going to go to the beach after my dance lesson. With four girls. I'm the only guy, but I like to think of myself as one of the girls.

PRUDE: I is feeling faint.

IDIOT: It's good to be different, don't you think?

PRUDE: It is good to be different from Burger Boy. It is good to be different from Michael Jackson, It is good to be different from Paris Hilton. It is especially good to be different from you. However .... I fear you is the wrong kind of different.

I would have fainted right there and then had I not thought there may be a chance he might catch me and I might be touched by one of THOSE people!

I saved my fainting for when he jogged round the corner to his cha cha cha class.

Wednesday, 16 May 2007

Surf's Up, Penguin Supporters!

Now it is true Prude has not said a great deal about surfing on her blog. However that is not the point. She has indeed said a lot about penguins. That is a fact. She has been a proud supporter of penguin movies. That is another fact. March Of The Penguins and Happy Feet are two of her favourite movies. And now another Penguin Movie is coming out.

Surf's Up

It is a true story movie about a penguin called Cody Maverick who is going to the Penguin Surfing Championships. I did not know about this competition but you learn something new all the time. It is a true story, it say.

This movie show that Penguins have achieved high power and status in media as they deserve. They is moral beings. It is right for people to look up to them. I say this is a good thing. I would like to say I is proud of the part my blog has played in bringing awareness of penguins to modern culture and allowing creative people to see that there is nothing wrong and there is much right about expressing yourself through the penguin theme.

Go forwards. Go upwards. I is proud of you. Show us, penguins, what you is really made of.

Tuesday, 15 May 2007

Postscript: A Gay Working Day

Hmmm; I mentions that Gay Hamilton might be better off in the tmes of Enid Blyton, but considering Enid Blyton's fascination with Fanny and Dick and their chasing one another about everywhere and getting up to mischief, perhaps not the best example Prude could have thoughts up at the time for The Age Of Innocence.

Tuesday, 8 May 2007

A Gay Working Day

There is some people who talks about equality in the workplace. But that is not completely true. For instance, if you is like Prude and you is a better smarter more moral worker, then you should be more respected. You has earned it. Even if it is not equal. And if someone is a criminal, like someone who has drunk up all the milk in the refrigerator or put nasty thumbtacks on your favourite chair knowing quite well it is you who always occupies it (I shall find out who it was yet) then they should not be well respected. They is low and unethical.

In such a position was Gay Hamilton who would have been quite chirpy perhaps if she had been about in the times of Enid Blyton. However it is important to make her understand that times have changed. Times is not so innocent any more and being gay or even being called Gay is quite queer and it give off a wrong smell to people. They pick it up on the air and they either run or they want a complete makeover.

Either way they treat you, by running away screaming, or start talking to you in a high-pitch voice wanting interior design tips, it is not professional.

Therefore it is quite right for them to fire her.

She can change her name by deed poll to something more flattering and dignified. Unfortunately the name Prude has been taken but I is sure something else will do.

*The computer system which detect this typeof error was very sophisticated. It also refused subscriptions of Yvette Rand and Yvonne Horn when subscription usernames were processed using surname plus first name initial. Blame the parents.

Tuesday, 1 May 2007

Respect Your Elder: Part 2

It is not even a month since I see Elder Spina in Hyde Park and then Elder Han approach me just recently. He is another troubled one with a lot of spin.

I try to explain I has heard his message and is not particularly impressed, but on he barge.

"Don't you want to live with your family forever? That is the message we teach, the purpose of life," he say.

"I is a more modern female," I point out. "You seem like a Mummy's Boy. Perhaps you ought to think about planning to move out one day and do your own cooking and ironing. I for one is responsible for the maintenance of my penguin suit entirely. And I do not have a Mummy wake me up to do my penguin dance exercises, I wake myself up. That is how a grown up lives."

I thinks these people has good hearts, but they is rather confused and not very mature, clear thinking or independent.

Not like Prude.

Saturday, 28 April 2007

Richard Gere is a Dick

Morality is not exactly something we associate with movie stars, with the exception of perhaps the lead penguins in Happy Feet and March Of The Penguins.

However I digress because Richard Gere is not a penguin. This is both a good thing and a bad thing. It is a good thing because if he were he would be a disgrace to the penguin name (mr Jumbles nods vigorously here) but it is a bad thing because if he were one he would not have conducted himself in such a disgusting manner in the first place, anyhow.

I is referring of course to the now world famous OBSCENE KISS which has been heard about all over and may now land Richard Gere in gaol.

He was pashing Shilpa Shetty. Oh yes, that is her real last name, I is not making it up and it is quite rightly a downright dirty-sounding one. She has been quite tarnished.

He may now face gaol. And quite right too. Someone ought to be made an example of. It is a pity they ought not all go to gaol, people who outrage those who have some sense of dignity and do not make overt signs of affection. Like Prude here.

I has always advocated dignity and said quite strongly NO INTIMACY IN PUBLIC. A very strong objection to the John-Howard-holding-hands-with-Janette in public debacle was fully supported by myself.

Gere has joined the ranks of these people who has similarly shown affection in public and has not restrained his feelings. Such animals must be stopped. It is disgusting. It is immoral.

They should all be forced to take lessons from Prude. Gere say he support AIDS awareness, but just say he passes on some nasties by his uncontrollable passions? It seems he is a hypocrite. If you is against sexually transmittable diseases you should observe all restraint, from the start. Hands off I say.

Wednesday, 25 April 2007

There's no pleasing some people ...

We should all perform public services. Sometimes in this immoral world of ours people think only of how they can please themselves without thinking of the common good.

Prude is a shining example of how people can give back to the community. No no, it is not just how she shine a great moral light by collecting money for charity and promoting the penguin dance for all (though this is highly appreciated I am sure by many).

It is little acts that count, and you too can learn.

For instance, Prude was walking in the city recently, collecting for charity, where a doddery old lady who was clearly past it was attempting to hail a taxi, with not much success. They ignore her.

"Little Old Lady, they is ignoring you because you is small and slow," I point out. "Let me help."

"Hmmm, I is usually able to get a cab," she say. "They see me fine."

"It is probably because you have shrivelled even smaller lately. That happens at your age. Faster and faster."

"It is probably a bad day for taxis."

"I think it is because you is slow on your feet to run for them, too," I says.

I try a few times and I hails her a taxi. They see me quite clearly and Little Old Lady struggle in.

"Where you wanna go?" say the taxi driver.

"It is not for me, it is for the Little Old Lady," I explain. "WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO?" I ask, as everyone know you get hard of hearing when you is old.

"I is not deaf," reply Little Old Lady, indignantly.

"See it is not a bad day for taxis. I has got you a taxi."

"Eventually," she say, a bit sarcastic and ungrateful I think. "Mostly I think it is that they notice your rather strange and ridiculous penguin suit!"

How dare she mock my penguin suit! After what I has done for her! I would retort back, but I respect my elders. Otherwise, there may have been a very undignified scuffle!

Wednesday, 11 April 2007

Respect Your Elder

Prude was walking through Hyde Park recently. She dodged the charity collector for AIDS who is always there. Prude does not like giving to AIDS charities; she has read about AIDS. It seems from her pamphlet reading which she think is the best source of accurate information, many of those who call themselves AIDS victims has been loose about sex or drugs or has even worse - been homosexual. And that is something Prude do not support, so she support different charities instead. She is a great charity giver and collector, as her avid readers know.

She is also a great lover of nature, and brisk walks, which is why she walk through Hyde Park. It is this day when a nice man in a suit - not quite a penguin suit but he is getting there - stop her and say politely:

"Hello. I am Elder Spina. How are you today?"

"I is good, how is you," Prude replies. Prude says this nicely as Prude is a well-brought up female. She respects her elder.

"I am well thank you."

"I respect my Elder, however I do not think much of Spinners. I is a direct and honest type. I think that is virtuous," I say.

"Hmmm," say Elder Spina. "I am Elder Spina but I am not a Spinner. I speak honestly."

"Is you saying you is disowning and dishonouring your family?" I ask. Prude is getting suspicious and beginning to learn respect. A pity as he seemed a well dressed and potentially, easily, convertible man. I was thinking about how he could well be a spokesperson for my mission.

"No, I am called Spina, but I am not as I appear, I mean, I mean, I talk truly, but I honour the Spinas, yet I do not think highly of Spinners, just like you, that is what I mean."

"Hmmm," Prude is thinking this fellow may be in need of psychological assessment. "I is called Prude and I is prude. I think you may need help."

He is mumbling something about the Lord or about "Oh Lord" but I thinks he needs serious counselling. Unfortunately it is not my specialist area, but in recommending this to him I feel I has done my bit and now it is up to him to put his foot upon the path to see the light.

Perhaps when he is healed I shall come back to the Park and convert him. I see potential. He was reaching out!

Sunday, 1 April 2007

Prude Loses Her Virginity

Did I not say Autumn related to The Fall?

Alas, alas!

I has not been having a good feeling in my stomach since the incident, but Prude believe in the Truth, and the tale must be told for the edification and warning of her readers. It involve Prude and Burger Boy. I am glad to say Mr Jumbles were not also involved. Prude may no longer be perfect, but she is not that depraved. Also, Mr Jumbles has never been THAT way. And Burger Boy only ever thought of penguins as in penguin meat for his burgers (I is sorry to have not reported any progress in that area).

I was about the Burger Area when I is talking to Burger Boy.

"Do you know how important chastity is and fighting the cause for penguins is?" I ask, for about the millionth time that evening. He look at me with what I think is suddenly a look of enlightenment - at least, his eyes have a gleam in it.

"Hmmm," he say. "Prude, I has something for you. It is actually in my apartment."

"A cheque for a penguin charity?" I ask, "Oh yes, Burger Boy, I has converted you at last!"

"Come along and fetch it," he says.

I trots along after him and we is in his apartment, which is very messy just like many young boys apartments is. "I has to look for the cheque. Here is a glass of milk, have a drink while I look," says Burger Boy.

A glass of milk is my favourite drink as readers know and I cannot resist. I drink it all up ...

But suddenly my head is spinning. I is feeling red, and dizzy and suddenly I goes black. I think I thumps to the ground.

The next thing I remember is being in the apartment with my penguin suit off and in a little room with my chastity belt cut off with some metal clippers! Oh no! Burger Boy was very wicked!

I shall not go into much detail into the rest except to say I is no longer as pure as the driven snow.

I is feeling a lot of strange feelings now, as I left the Burger Boy's room.

I wants to feel disgust. Sex is disgusting. It is immoral.

Hmmm, but also I wants to remember, when is Burger Boy having lunch at the Burger place again?

Tuesday, 27 March 2007

Prudey Penguin Politics

Aaaah! The election is over and I had not seen one candidate standing for good strong prudey values. In fact I had not seen one candidate standing for anything much. If Mr Jumbles was a politician, I would have voted for him, but he could not be a politician.

"Prude," he say to me, "Nowadays, being a politician is undignified. It is also unchaste!"

He is right of course. Look at Bill Clinton and Pauline Hanson. Whatever happened to the days when the most bad thing you could do in politics was chop off a few heads? Now it is bedding whoever knows who and dirtying your moral character. It is disgusting. No wonder penguins do not stand for election.

Now, a Senator wrote to me recently, touting some moral standpoint (ha! These are usually the first to crumble. Apart from prude, few can held onto their morals in the face of public opposition and the temptation of great powers, like this blog give me!)

He write (this is Senator Steve Fielding of Family First) that this is one of his aims:

No one in government is responsible for TV ads. It appears no one in the Howard Government is responsible for what our kids see on TV. Recently FAMILY FIRST quizzed Ministers trying to find out who is responsible for TV advertising and standards. Raunchy evening TV ads promote phone sex, dating services and lewd mobile phone screensavers and FAMILY FIRST wants to know how such smut and filth is allowed.

Hmmm, Mr Fielding has admirable intentions however he goes not far enough.

Prude's agenda for TV standards:

It is not enough to just know who is responsible and find out what is allowed. Who care how much is allowed, just get this gross disgusting filth off our screens. This is like instead of vacuuming your floor you ask the carpet how much dust it allows. Instead whoever is responsible should be sentenced to ten years of listening to karaoke, that should fix him/her.

Then there should also be some good shows on about the majesty of penguins and a morning show on penguin dance limber-up exercises. It would improve society no end.

No wonder elections are a waste of time.

Wednesday, 21 March 2007

Egg On A Stick

Now Blogger Lexicon Harlot felt a bit queasy about my recipe forbrussel sprouts, tofu and boiled eggs kebabs. I cannot say I entirely blame her, even though I am partial to boiled egg myself. They taste nice. Also they is nice and white and whiteness is pure, just like milk. It remind me of the world before it turned naughty.

However, it remind certain others of different things. My lovely friend say to me, "They is chicken's periods" and when you think about it like this, the egg on a stick I proposed to Alexis has some unfortunate sexual connotations. I suppose this is just for some people who has dirty minds. Prude tries not to think of sexual connotations of food and just swallows it down.

But they is everywhere. And everyone seems to be trying to remind me of them.

Whatever happened to that roast dinner when the little dutch carrot was sitting next to the potato in the tray? Now people start telling me the little dutch carrot is feeling inadequate. Oh I mourn for innocent times when a carrot and a potato roast was a wholesome family meal!

Sausages and eggs for breakfast can no longer be thought of the same way again. Especially when that sausage peek out from between two little roasted onions ...

I is thinking these thoughts of food and the lascivious world when I comes across Burger Boy - eating again.

"What is that you is eating, Burger Boy?" I ask.

"Egg roll," he say, grinning rudely, and chomps into a rather large French stick.

I is feeling giddy.

Tuesday, 20 March 2007

The Proud History Of The Chastity Belt

It has come to my attention that some have made fun of me because I wears a chastity belt. Now this is completely unwarranted and is in fact quite ignorant as the chastity belt has a very dignified history.

Just as Prude has a dignified history. For the edification of naysayers:

Early Days

Some thinks that chastity belts was first worn by loose women, i.e. low class medieval women. They thinks of farmers and serfs with low class women with loose hair and loose morals who cannot be controlled. The farmer goes working out in the fields all day and they pin the chastity belt on some trashy woman.

In fact the chastity belt was not used like that at all. It was used mostly by rich high class people so it symbolises upper class and wealth. It was more a Renaissassance period thing anyhow.

Loose Women?

Some says to me, "Prude, if you think you is so good and moral, why do you wear a chastity belt, I thought this was for LOOSE WOMEN!" Then they snigger in an effort to degrade me, as if such ignorant people could turn Prude away from her mission!

The chastity belt for me is many things, importantly it is a symbolic reference to chastity. I know I is a role model to the many who has strayed from the path of righteousness. They looks up to me. I must lead the way. I must use SYMBOLS to show my purity overtly for them.

Secondly, while I is moral, not all others is. In a perfect world, for instance, a PENGUIN HEAVEN, there would be no need for chastity belts, everyone would be asexual, free from constraints, and have no sexual thoughts but have no need for belts either. We would not have sex but not need to wear the belt either.

However in this lewd world of us sadly not all is as moral as Mr Jumbles and myself. (Mr Jumbles nods sagely at this time.) The chastity belt is not so much to stop me from resisting the temptation of urges, as I have not lewd urges and I have dignity and self-control and morals. However it stops others from getting in!

It is a sad society when we has to use a lock and key to stop the evils from getting in but I assure you - that is what kind of degenerate world we is coming to.

Personal Hygiene

Some thinks that a chastity belt is not very hygienic. I assure you this is not the case. Just like your underwear, it is all in how you care for it and maintain it, and how it is made in the first place. Prude is very careful of personal hygiene. We is in the age of technology not in the dark ages!

The Age Of Technology

I has pointed out that a song has been written telling prudes to Shake Rattle And Roll their chastity belts, and I say I do so with pride. We must identify ourselves as of The Chastity Belt Wearer Union, those of the Belted Up Group (BUGgers, we are). I is expecting to see great innovations in Chastity Belt technology rapidly developing in this century. You can already shake and rattle in them, and they is already very clean and convenient and comfortable. I is expecting the ability to play chess with them, have a drink-and-biscuit dispenser in them for afternoon tea, and an internet connection in them soon, and they is supposed to sort my mail and knit my woollens for me.

Further Notes for Chastity Belt Wearers

I was rattling my belt loudly in the burger shop recently. Do not be put off by the nasty looks of patrons. They is not understanding of your mission.

Burger Boy was nearby, he says to me, "What is that noise, Prude?"

I says, "Burger Boy, it is my chastity belt!"

He says, "Kinky!"

It is good that he is interested, but sometimes I think my efforts to reform the boy are somewhat wasted.

Friday, 16 March 2007

Blush at the Godlessness

Vanity is immoral. But it pervade the Earth anyhow.

The immoral painting of faces so people looks like whores has gone so far, even angels swallow it.

Prudes, unite and resist such exhibitionism.

Thursday, 15 March 2007

Why Don't Penguins' Feet Freeze?

Penguins' Feet Do Not Freeze Because: (a stupid question I feel compelled to answer)

1. They do the penguin dance each morning as their limber up exercise. This keep the blood flowing to their feet and keep them nice and warm.

2. It is hell that freeze over, not heaven, and penguins is good moral creatures that do not go to hell.

3. Penguins is not stupid they is wise creatures. They wear their woollens and they remember their feet. Not like certain species who forget things all the time - their woollens, their morals, they is quite loose with them all.

4. Penguins do not have casual sex, so they do not wake up the next morning finding some strange penguin next to them has stolen the blankets and pulled them off their feet. They tucks themselves in tight each night and that is the way they stays. The advantage of chastity. Among many.

5. Penguins do not sleep in the freezer. They has special penguin-beds. Mr Jumbles will attest to that.

Mr Jumbles say: That is true, Prude.

I trust I has disseminated great penguin knowledge to all and sundry today.

Friday, 9 March 2007


A chastity belt is a fine moral piece of wear, however I would just like to report that it is not a comfortable piece to be wearing when a Prude falls from a float into a crowd and is somewhat laid up and bandaged. Hmmm. The chaffing factor in certain areas. What protects at some times, also becomes thine enemy. Or something I think like that. Anyhow it sound good and somewhat dignified.

Prude goes through a lot for her mission. It is a pity not all appreciate this.

Tuesday, 6 March 2007

Shock! At The Immoral Mardi Gras

There is a very true saying that it is a disgusting thought, the thought of your parents shagging. Well actually Prude is disgusted at the thought of ANYONE shagging but this includes parents too so it is the same thing.

Anyhow Prude has been away from blogging for a few days because she has been recovering from shock and indignation at something most disgusting. She will tell her tale. And she trusts her readers have been in the good care of Mr Jumbles while she has been recovering.

On the weekend a most immoral event was taking place - that of the Sydney Gay And Lesbian Mardi Gras. Why oh Why do people who is already indulging in immoral acts need to flaunt them in our faces - they ought to be in their houses asamed of themselves thinking over their sins and repenting and trying to find the good path. Instead they dress up in bright costumes (sadly not penguin suits and collecting for charity) and jump about on floats and has loud music.

What is more disgusting is the government actually encourage this.

Well Prude does not.

Prude is going to protest, most loudly.

She is getting into her penguin suit and has her megaphone, and she is tottering down to the parade, her chastity belt rattling. Some drunken people say something about great costume but I ignores them for they is being sarcastic I think. Anyhow you should not pay attention to drunks.

I jumps into the parade and onto a tall float and start calling out.

"THIS IS AN IMMORAL DISPLAY! SEX IS A SIN!" Except I did not get that far because I looks out into the crowd and what do I see?


They is in the crowd of onlookers shouting and wacving sparklers and watching the floats! They is supporting this abomination!

If there is something worse than your parents shagging it is your parents supporting homosexuality!

I do not remember much more except a choking feeling and my head spinning and some bright lights. I think I fet like my head crashed. I tried to call out "Don't touch me sinners Chastity will prevail and I will be saved" but it came out like a gargle.

Anyhow I is now wearing lots of bandages.

All I can say is lucky I was wearing a strong penguin suit it broke my fall. Did I not say something about Autumn being a time for the Fall?

Penguin suits are useful, invest in one.

Thursday, 1 March 2007

Autumn, Prudeness and The Fall

Happy Autumn everyone! However, I warn you, BE WARNED. This is a season where you must watch out and hold on tightly to your chastity belts.

In the United States Autumn is called Fall.

This is very ominous I think. It is a season warning you may be susceptible to falling. That is to temptation. What does the Fall mean? It means falling to evil.

Now I do not wish to go into details to give you bad ideas but girls this means not to let boys lead you into their sexual hanky-pankies. That would be falling into badness and you would be wandering around like a loose autumn leaf from a tree, blowing about in the wind. And being loose is never an admirable female attribute. "Oh that woman is loose." You do not want that said about you. It is not a compliment.

Prude give out her warning right here at the beginning of Autumn and hope you follow it for the season and maintain your dignity. Do her proud. Remain a prude.

Mr Jumbles say: Prude, you speak wise words

Wednesday, 28 February 2007

Happy Feet Is Victorious!!!

In a great victory for both penguinkind and prudekind, the remarkable movie 'Happy Feet' has been recognised by the Academy Awards as the best animated picture.

I has four words for you.


Penguins is high moral creatures. People had to recognise this superiority sometime. There time has come. They has been vindicated. This does not mean their work has been finished, oh no. However it do mean that we has shown the world something - that disbelievers are getting fewer. However we is far from done. Today it is the Academy Awards - next penguin step is the UNIVERSE!

Penguins is truly great. They can do anything.

I celebrate this great occasion with a very happy penguin dance in their honour. How about you?

Friday, 23 February 2007

Thank you for acknowledging the superiority of penguins!

As some avid Sydney Morning Herald bloggers may know, Prude has been insulted sometimes by a few blog-writers who mistakenly think they is above her instead of vice versa. One of these blog-writers is Sam De Brito, writer of the blog All Men Are Liars .


However I has had my victory recently, Mr De Brito has caved in and admitted Prude has been correct all along. In his article Promiscuity: Why Slutting Around Is Good For The Species (a theory Prude of course does NOT subscribe to!) Mr De Brito has pointed out that humans is often rooting around and that monogamy has often been touted as a higher form of living (Note: readers, this is because it is!). He says that some species has naturally evolved not to have the urge to root around and has NATURALLY developed monogamy i.e. the higher form of living.

Unlike humans.

He has pointed out several animals who has moved on to higher evolutionary forms:

Mallard Ducks

Hooray for penguins.

He try to use this argument to say that humans should just have sex all the time instead of avoiding the real question - that we should attempt to evolve into higher beings or imitate them. His argument is silly - it is like saying we should never progress if it do not come at baby stage. I suppose he will never be a great inventor or crusader.

The little he will accomplish in life is the acknowledgement of the evolutionary greatness of the penguin.

*If you would like to congratulate Sam De Brito on his acknowledgement of Prude and encourage this ugly duckling to become a Swan or even better a Penguin, contact him at