Thursday, 5 July 2007

Non-Prude Employment Opportunities

I has advocated penguin saving and penguin charity collecting. I has told people of the good of advocating chastity. Actually I do not think it would be a bad thing to become a surgeon if castration were a learnt art. It may stop some men going where it were not belonged. For some men I think it is the only way, they has not the self restraint otherwise.

However there is a knew job out that is trying to undo all my good work and I thinks they should be told off. Really. They is advocating the jiggety jig. And even making a competition out of it! It is a condom testing job and you get free products as payment. Hmmm. And since it is in testing stage you realise you may get some undesirable freebies out of it too, you know.

Anyhow, is that how it is rated, if you come back with undesirable freebies you rate it bad and they say sorry you had sextuplets and AIDS but I guess we had a bad condom in the pack - by the way you get some free condoms for your trouble?

Also you will be looked down by all your friends, not just because you is dying soon not just because of AIDS but because it is difficult to support sextuplets, and you is trying to remember six different types of nursery rhymes for them and that is a chore, but also because you has been loose and unchaste and there is real evidence for it now. No hiding. No going back. You is not part of the Virtuous Penguin Prude Society. Shame Shame Shame. And you will have that marking you to your grave.

A roll in the hay and a pack of free rubbers is not worth it.

Condom testing:

You could test to see if they could substitute well as party balloons.
You could test to see if you hang them up outside, they catch enough water on a rainy day to be environmentally friendly.
You could try putting markings on them and using them as substitutes for measuring instruments in the kitchen, 30 millilitres, etc

But to use them as an excuse to ruin your life is a disgrace. Remember, if it's on .... it's not on! And if it's not on ... it's not on either!


Friendless said...

Shouldn't you have included some sort of arousing picture with this post? In the old days you used to post all sorts of invigorating pictures. Mr Jumbles just doesn't do it for me any more.

BTW, do penguins choke on condoms they find floating in the ocean?

GT said...

Would you not like to "become" "head" of whatever department it is that is heading this "up"? (Check out the double entendres) Would you restrict the use so that people would not be loose or would you flood the market so people could change their ways? Or would you become the head of the castrating to speak

prude said...

Mr Jumbles does not do it for you any more. That is good Mr Jumbles. Very good. Don't do it for Friendless, when Friendless write "it", it is not a good thing ...

Hey, was you suggesting Mr Jumbles ONCE did "it" for you?

I is getting nervous.

prude said...

To answer your question Friendless, I is not an authority on condom choking. However I do not do "it" so I is not a good one to ask.

But I shall take your advice about more pics. I is looking at my penguin wallpaper and feeling very much invigorated by visuals.

prude said...

Hmmm. I thinks you is trying to mess with my head, GT, but let us get this on the straight. It would not be hard. Not for me. To be head, I mean, because I has the power and the skills.

You need someone like me to be at the head, getting ahead, and a team of people behind me, giving me the head's up every now and again to make sure that the whole ship stays steady, and do not go down, so to speak. You understand?

I understand the business very well. That is why I is prude and you is not.