Sunday, 31 December 2006

Give The Kiss A Miss

The New Year is a time of many good things. For instance, it is in with the new and out with the old. And many people I feel has old habits they ought to get rid of.

Prude is a widely travelled personage who has sadly seen too many of these disgusting filthy bad habits and feels the Earth could do with a revamp.

What is not very understandable is why, on the Eve of the New Year, when we is supposed to be welcoming in all the New, we insist on clinging to some old and unhealthy BAD habits.

I mean for instance drinking lots of alcohol and worst of all, kissing complete strangers.

When the clock strikes midnight, for some reasoin drunken party-goers immodestly run about smooching each other and sometimes people completely unknown to them and it is immodets as well as unhealthy. I mean, it is a way of passing on germs. Prude is actully being not only morally outraged but scienifically and medically outraged. There are no good effects whatsoever. If you wish to show your appreciation of the moment (and do not have the foresight to do so in writing) a curtsy or nod of the head is the best way to avoid bodily contact. I suppose those who know each other well may shake each others' hands (which may be disinfected soon after to get rid of harmful germs). Or better still, wear gloves.

Even if the kiss were not harmful medically, what sort of moral message does such behviour send to people in general? That we are rampant liberal sexual beings ready to give to any and every? I do not think it portray a flattering picture of human beings, it portray a degenerate one. I mean, we know what the New Year kiss may lead to ....


and anything can go from there. It make my mind fill with horrors.

As New Year, approaches, for the sake of society's health, give the New Year kiss a miss.

Sunday, 24 December 2006

Satan's Little Helper

I is looking around at the so-called Santa's Little Helpers we are seeing who is supposed to be Christmas role models. And I is expressing my outrage. I mean really, it is quite disgusting.

Santa is, as moral people know, all about children. Santa is about giving I mean it is like charity you should give money to penguin charities regardless of the trouble it causes you, just as Santa would drive his sleigh of reindeer over the world and give presents to children regardless of the trouble. Even if this means a bit of shimmying down chimneys.

What's more Santa chooses a good wholesome glass of milk as his drink of choice which earns him more points in my eyes. A very good moral role model, even if perhaps he needs to do a bit more penguin dancing to lose a bit of weight off that rotund belly of his.

However it disgusts me that people around the world now want to give Santa's little helpers a sexual connotation, it really does. Santa is a jolly fellow and has lots of work to do, so he needs helpers but I believe they ought be modest and diligent types not the types to flaunt and flirt and provide bad role models for children. Nowadays they seem to show lots of flesh and wear very short skirts and try to attract the looks of MEN. I mean really, what sort of present is THAT to a child?

Santa's little helpers are in need of great moral help and guidance.

I think it started some time ago when Santa, for aerodynamic and totally practical reasons, felt it would be good for his elves to wear stockings. Then it spiralled into absolute depravity. Little short skirts with bestockinged legs that leave not much to the imagination. Plunging cleavage. It is one of the sad Christmas stories we hear.

Along with your milk and biscuits tonight, I urge good moral families to leave out at least one (1) red or green elf-sized tent dress for Santa so he may take it back to the North Pole and dress his little helpers more becomingly. It will be your Christmas good deed. If we all do our bit, we can change the future of Christmas.

Saturday, 23 December 2006

Beer Facts About Drinking At Christmas

Now it is Christmas time (soon) and this is meant to be the jolly season. Unfortunately it is not so jolly for us all. This does not mean prude does not like Christmas. Indeed she think it quite nice, she is not averse to the good mood Christmas brings, she is a happy creature and she like to tap her toes to a nice Christmas carol or three.

And naturally this is a very good time to adopt a penguin for your friends as a Christmas present. Christmas put people in a generous mood and that is a good thing, I think.

However the not so jolly part I mean is when there is something immoral going on, that is I fear called DRUNKEN REVELRY. At Christmas some people feel the need to imbibe much alcoholic substance but prude can tell you this is not good.

For one thing at Christmas the road toll go up, this is because people drink lots of beer and wine and say silly things like "'Tis the season to be jolly!" in fact it is not so jolly being knocked over by a car. However this is not something they contemplate too much as they is not very far-sighted like prude, who is a GREAT THINKER.

Anyhow drinking alcohol should be against the law because it make people undignified. I mean they do silly things like wear underpants on their head, or tell knock-knock jokes to their boss while wearing reindeer antlers. This is not something people do when sober I think. And dignity is very important to prude.

Prude advocates a healthy glass of milk (its whiteness symbolises purity). That should stop you naughty people from doing things you regret in the morning.

Tuesday, 19 December 2006

Little Britain Be-Littles Sanctity Of Marriage

Now, I has never approved of that show they dare call a 'comedy' on TV, that's right that is called 'Little Britain' I mean it is quite disgusting and undignified. It show things such as vomit and homosexual jokes as wit and that is not funny in fact it is quite against my sensibilities.

But now it is more outrageous than ever, it goes against all the things a good MORAL society hold dear. A cast member called Matt Lucas 'married' another member of the same sex ho hum well we know what this is called the partner was called Kevin McGee but well what it is mainly called is disgusting filthy and awful. People from the same sex should not have strong feelings about each other! If they do they should not be allowed! It make a mockery of the healthy feelings a man and woman have for each other I mean loving people it is not natural unless it is the proper way.

You know the truth.

What is even more disgusting is that they dress up in frivolous costume, bright colours etc etc to celebrate their marriage. See the photo one is in an Ali Baba costume and the other as Prince Charming I mean who on Earth do they think they are dressing in bright colours on a wedding day? It is undignified.

Any fool know you should dress in sedate colours on your wedding day. It is a solemn occasion. It is the rule.

Such people who is loud and frolicksome on such celebratory days belittle it for everybody else. I is outraged and upset at this scandalous display.

Monday, 18 December 2006

The Immoral Bikini

Summer is upon us and to many this mean one thing - swimming and swimsuits. Actually that is two things but they is related.

Now prude does not object to a bit of a swim. In fact it is good exercise. I mean even the penguin has a bit of a dabble of the toes now and then. And keeping fit and healthy is a good thing, healthy body, healthy mind.

However unfortunately around this time of year many people use BATHING SUITS as an excuse to flaunt their bodies and show lots of flesh. They wear tight bathers in a way to appeal to SEXUALITY. This is disgusting and immoral. This is no longer exercise it is a spectacle for perverts. And it should be strongly disapproved of.

Look to the far right. This is a very immoral swimsuit! And not just because it is a very bright red in an obvioius bid to attract men's attention tut tut. It is also because it has not much material and show lots of flesh see the stomach and lots of thigh and even cleavage in fact don't lool be prudent and do not look at something so obscene.
That type of suit is called the bikini and its blatant show-off factor is very unnecessary.
The purple suit to its left is what is known as the one-piece swimsuit. Well the woman wearing it is a little more moral I think than the woman in red she is covered up a bit more it seem she may be seeking the path to morality which is a good thing. However it is not quite to prude's taste as it do show a bit too much flesh note the high cut swimsuit showing a bit too much thigh for my taste.
Now prude realises swim suits need to be suitable for swimming and summer so cannot be as loose and cover all over as normal clothes do MORE IS THE PITY however this does not mean dressing like a hussy. There are suits to be approved of. I think you know what I mean. That is a modest suit. It cover thebody, and as much leg as possible. I think you know what I mean.

Sunday, 17 December 2006

It Does Matter if You Are Black And White

Now someone sent me these song lyrics from what is apparently an old song from a has-been called Michael Jackson. It is from 1991 when he was famous and it is called 'Black Or White' .

Now Michael Jackson is going on in this song about how it "don't matter if you are black or white" which is a little strange since it matter to him quite a bit since he bleached his face and he try to be white. Not that it work too well, now he just look scary.

Some of the people who has read my blog (those who is virtuously pursuing the path to redemption, good peoples that they are) , are a bit confused by this. For prude has been talking about the black and whitedness of the penguin and how it does matter and how important it is.

Let me make myself clear.

It does not matter so much if you is black OR white, but it matter a great deal if you are black AND white, as opposed to not being black and white, so to speak (like a penguin).

And this song clearly has nothing to do with prude's mission for prude would not deign to mention something so disgusting as a "Saturday bang". She is pure.


Anyway why would you take anything Michael Jackson say seriously he has a high squeaky voice and he look like a clown. It is undignified.

Thursday, 14 December 2006

The Beginning Of Prude's Mission

Now chastity is best as we all know. It rid the mind of evil thoughts. And prude is very vigilant and determined in her mission, which is of course how this blog came to be created.

But was this prude’s first attempt at converting the evil? Surely not, and if this is what you are thinking, you are right. Prude and prudes not quite as prudish as the real prude has been around since before blogs. And even before this blog prude has been recruiting her subjects from cyberspace. For instance on the blog Sam and the City which is a certain immoral blog full of people talking about sex etc etc but through which muck prude was forced to wade in order to save the drowning, prude was successful to some extent in making some see the error of their ways. She considers this a great triumph. Though perhaps it shall be some time when full redemption takes place after all while prude is a powerful woman she is working against forces of evil here. Even in the fairytales they take time for the good effects to take over.

So where has prude been?

One of her earlier missions was to start a society against UNCHASTE THOUGHTS.

This was to be called Prudes United Association.

It was quite catchy I think.

However a rather belligerent man of the name Neil Strauss
come to me and say, "Prude, i has that acronym PUA and it mean Pick-Up Artist".

Well I am not one to be bullied by such men, for I has a purpose in life. However I would not want my association to be connected with such an unchaste entity as his Game which has much to do with casual sex and that is immoral.

So I decide to go on PRUDE'S MISSION. No one objected to those initials at all.

For many years it has been a long and tiring journey. Some would say lonely but when you have for comfort your integrity and your intelligence as I do then you are not lonely much. However I am forever on the search for other prudes, not for companionship (however much this would be pleasant, I do not shun companionship) but because I know what would be good for them.

Join Prude's Mission. You will not regret it

Wednesday, 13 December 2006

Adopt A King Penguin!

Now what does the man to the right have to do with penguin saving, you ask? He is most obviously being shown some penguins, so there must be some CORRELATION. And if you is thinking that then you is right. That man is actually Prince Andrew, and he is in the photo starting a scheme for adopting King Penguins. This was some years ago, but still is of utmost relevance today. Even more so as the more scarce penguins get the more they need tender care and protection.

This is done through Falklands Conservation, and I hereby note them as a worthy charity. Any charity in fact that save penguins is notable. Now there is many incentives to adopting peguins, such as a certificate and photo of the penguin and report of it etc etc.

However most of all we should do it because it is RIGHT. That is the reason for adoption of all penguins. You know the truth.

I urge you to adopt a penguin See the penguin adoption website at There is also good books on penguins at this site.

Monday, 11 December 2006

Happy Feet

Some people has scorned my strong mission to convert the world to a love of penguins, but you see I is not on a hopeless mission. Recently the movie world has shown penguins to be stars, showing popularity has risen for my beloved penguin. And I is not talking about Danny De Vito ‘The Penguin’ in Batman, but penguins with more dignity to them.

For instance there was ‘March Of The Penguins’ which is a great spectacular movie choice. Now there is the new movie ‘Happy Feet’. It is a MORAL tale and it has EMPEROR penguins in it, what more could a movie want? What’s more it has dancing penguins. I am very much a fan of the penguin dance.
This movie will be opening nationally after Christmas i.e. December 26th this year. Mark it in your diaries, I have.

Sunday, 10 December 2006

Natural Nobility Of The Blue-Blooded Penguin

Some people has asked me, often, "Why, prude, do you so often refer to the majesty of penguins?" Well of course I could use some other adjective as i is not like some fools who is short of vocabulary. In fact I is very adept with words and such, and cannot tolerate those who is slow in that area.

However "majesty" is very apt for the penguin as they are indeed royal creatures. In fact while the lion is often referred to as the king of the jungle that is just egotism on its part its roar is bigger than its bite i fear. The penguin has INNATE majesty, and this is what gives it real splendour to behold. We bow down before it, often. Here is a penguin:

It is difficult to imagine a creature more sublime in creation, with more natural dignity. See its posture. And no wonder it is referred to as KING PENGUIN, yes you say humans were instinctively giving it royal reference. We cannot help it. It is because of its majesty. Next penguin:

Now here is a creature worthy of a crown and many curtsies and much courtesy etc It is called EMPEROR penguin - yes, yet another reference to royalty. See we cannot help it. When it comes to penguins nothing but royal terms is good enough for them. They has NOBILITY running through them. Of course some scorn me and sends me pictures like this:

And accompany it with childish words such as "Hey fat undignified penguin haha on you prude" but any fool can see this is not a true penguin. It is someone's moulded image of a penguin though not moulded in its true image AS YOU CAN SEE. I dismiss these immature people and concentrate on the matter at hand.

Not only should we save penguins but we should be vigilant and set ourselves against those who degrade and humiliate these spectacular beings. I urge you to boycott any fat penguin objects like the one to the left.

The Majesty Of The Penguin

Penguins is majestic creatures. If you should look at a penguin, should you be so lucky, you should be captivated by them. That is why prude is devoting her life to penguin saving, that is when she is not devoting her life to converting people to chastity and converting them into moral beings.

Now, prude does not ignore other beasts of the earth. This is a mistake some people make when they find I is a penguin lover, they jump to the conclusion I is a platypus or a rhinoceros or a giraffe or kangaroo hater. Now that is not true and prude would be much offended if she did not realise that people who leap to such conclusions are just ignoramuses not worthy of prude’s superior intellectual attention.

But penguins is special. They inspire us to do good and be moral, let us talk about the symbolism of the penguin.

The penguin, unlike those humans who is quite wishy washy about their moral behaviour and intentions, is quite definite and knows his way on the path of righteousness. All is black and white with the penguin.

So why, you say, is not the zebra or panda an equal symbol of uprightness?

Well I says to you, is the zebra upright? No. It walks on all fours. You see my LOGIC.

And the panda I fear has not the same dignity as the penguin, it is given to roundness and indulgence not self-restraint ho hum.

Therefore we turn to penguins for inspiration. You know it is right.

Saturday, 9 December 2006

Important First Words On Sex

In the world there is too much sex. It is disgusting. It is immoral.

People, they is thinking of sex all the time, unlike prude, who only thinks of sex when she is thinking of not thinking of sex, or thinking how bad sex is, which is allowed.

Now some has said to me “prude sex is important because well we would not be here without sex” well I say to them that is not the point. Fools. They do not understand LOGIC which is what I is explaining with.

Peoples nowadays they do naughty things like what they call “picking up” or “one night stands” or going to bars and clubs being very flirty they is thinking about one thing and one thing only and it is not the right thing. Or they do even worse things but prude is too pure to even contemplate them let alone mention them. Hmmm. It pains her to have to write this now but she realises it is essential to create awareness for the good of others. So they may be armed and aware.

Sex is for having children not for flaunting. I thinks I make myself very clear.

I call on people in the world to take a stance, legs closed til marriage. That is how it should be.