Sunday, 1 April 2007

Prude Loses Her Virginity

Did I not say Autumn related to The Fall?

Alas, alas!

I has not been having a good feeling in my stomach since the incident, but Prude believe in the Truth, and the tale must be told for the edification and warning of her readers. It involve Prude and Burger Boy. I am glad to say Mr Jumbles were not also involved. Prude may no longer be perfect, but she is not that depraved. Also, Mr Jumbles has never been THAT way. And Burger Boy only ever thought of penguins as in penguin meat for his burgers (I is sorry to have not reported any progress in that area).

I was about the Burger Area when I is talking to Burger Boy.

"Do you know how important chastity is and fighting the cause for penguins is?" I ask, for about the millionth time that evening. He look at me with what I think is suddenly a look of enlightenment - at least, his eyes have a gleam in it.

"Hmmm," he say. "Prude, I has something for you. It is actually in my apartment."

"A cheque for a penguin charity?" I ask, "Oh yes, Burger Boy, I has converted you at last!"

"Come along and fetch it," he says.

I trots along after him and we is in his apartment, which is very messy just like many young boys apartments is. "I has to look for the cheque. Here is a glass of milk, have a drink while I look," says Burger Boy.

A glass of milk is my favourite drink as readers know and I cannot resist. I drink it all up ...

But suddenly my head is spinning. I is feeling red, and dizzy and suddenly I goes black. I think I thumps to the ground.

The next thing I remember is being in the apartment with my penguin suit off and in a little room with my chastity belt cut off with some metal clippers! Oh no! Burger Boy was very wicked!

I shall not go into much detail into the rest except to say I is no longer as pure as the driven snow.

I is feeling a lot of strange feelings now, as I left the Burger Boy's room.

I wants to feel disgust. Sex is disgusting. It is immoral.

Hmmm, but also I wants to remember, when is Burger Boy having lunch at the Burger place again?

12 comments:

Otto said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
prude said...

Who has not the courage to stand by his word? Or was it shame of a spelling error? Tut tut.

Meribah said...

**Raises eyebrow and looks at Prude with much skepticism, as her post of "innocence lost" occurred on April Fool's Day**

Otto said...

I removed my post because I thought I was being too critical, namely that I don't know whether this is a joke site or not, but date rape and drugging of a female for sex is not a matter for humour.

Anonymous said...

I have to back you up there, Otto

The Man

Friendless said...

Prude, next time you want to have sex I suggest drinking alcohol because it has the same effect and you're allowed to make jokes about it.

prude said...

Hmmm.

I has written posts about homosexuality, religion, the mutilation of beautiful animals, symbols constraining women's freedom, dirty words, drinking, murder, sex, soliciting money, politicians, nudity ...

And you is all hopping up and down now!

I is told date rape and drugging of a female for sex is not a matter for humour suddenly?

(Question: Would date rape and drugging of a male for sex be a matter for humour I wonder?)

Actually there is (if read carefully) no real reference to myself being raped in the post.

Friendless, I do not drink alcohol. I has taste for milk. As I has posted here, other drinks can mess up your head.

One can assume you are a drinker of alcoholic beverages.

Anonymous said...

"(Question: Would date rape and drugging of a male for sex be a matter for humour I wonder?)"

That's not funny either.

Have you seen that it was the males that responded in that fashion? Maybe it was paternal instincts; we could have been forgiven for being concerned for your welfare?

What concerned me was, what his intention was to drug you in the first place and was it not luck that you came to before anything happened?

"Prude believe in the Truth, and the tale must be told for the edification and warning of her readers."

OK, go ahead.

The Man

Anonymous said...

(BTW I get what you responded with)

"What concerned me was, what his intention was to drug you in the first place and was it not luck that you came to before anything happened?"

I.e. had you not wanted to go hammer and tong with Ronald McDonald. Or does he more resemble Grimace eating Burgers all the time like he does?

The Man

prude said...

"(Question: Would date rape and drugging of a male for sex be a matter for humour I wonder?)"

That's not funny either.

Does you mean date rape and drugging of a male is not funny either, or my question is not funny?

Anonymous said...

"Does you mean date rape and drugging of a male is not funny either, or my question is not funny?"

Both

I'm complex in that way. I looked at both sides of what what you were talking about.

Mysteriously yours,

The Man

P.S. - so is he tall & thin with a red affro or short, fat and purple?

Mr Mean said...

Otto, if you thought you were being too critical, then you must have been, since nobody else is in a position to judge your intention, just as no-one is in a position to judge Prude's intention other than herself.

In any case, date rape and/or drink-spiking can be subject matters for humour, just as murder, larceny, high treason, racial discrimination, tax evasion and mail fraud can be. Black humour, perhaps; in poor taste, maybe. Hell, you can even joke about bombs at the airport if you want, although you might not enjoy the likely consequences. The semantics of 'humour' does not require the joke not to alarm, disgust or offend, and finding it funny (or not) is subjective. How one presumes to dictate to others what may be perceived as funny, I do not know.

Personally I'd advise against making murder jokes to homicide victims, given the indifferent reception one is likely to get. Now that's ill-conceived humour.