Tuesday, 13 November 2007

The Curse of the Condoms

Well, it has come upon us. People is dying of the Curse of the Condoms . And why? Because human beings is wicked. They is wanting too much sexy.

It is a simple equation really, the logic a child can play with but humans is blind and they do not wish to see it. So someone like Mr Jumbles must explain it to them.

Mr Jumbles, step forth.

"Human Beings. You has a problem. Hair bands is being made of recycled condoms, but they is being scientifically - I repeat - scientifically proven to being a health hazard. They is spreading infectious diseases. you may catch genital warts and even AIDS from a hairband, and it is common practice to hold a hairband in your mouth while doing your hair, for instance for that I must say 'Eeeeeeeergh! ewwwwww!'

I say to you humans, what does this tell me? You humans does too much sexy. If you has not a need for so much illicit sexy relations you would not have all these used condoms around. Condoms would be unused. There may not even be condoms at all. Is I right or is I right? I is right?

I is right.

I is applying that logic to the next step to say that if there is no used condoms, then used condoms could not be used to make hairbands and therefore this terrible disease spread could not have occurred. I is explaining therefore that it is the human urge for sexy that has caused this tragedy and therefore it is the beast that must be stopped.'

I thinks you would have a hard time arguing with such logic as that of Mr Jumbles! Bravo!


Meribah said...

Um, erm....eeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!! Let's just hope this idea stays in China and dies a quick, painless death!

prude said...

It is not a lovely idea is it, wearing your genital herpes on your ponytail? Even if they did come in a pink or a nice purple colour.

Worse still, comes to think of it, it is mostly SOMEONE ELSE'S genital herpes in your ponytail!

TimT said...

Genital Herpes: A song for Prudish and Prudent Persons
(To be sung to the tune of 'Do your arms hang low')

Do your balls hang low,
Can you tie them in a bow,
Are they pink or black or yellow,
Do they make you shout and bellow?
Are they smooth or are they dimpled
With bright green and purple pimples?
Do your baaaaalls haaaaang low!

Thank you, Prude, for letting me sing this moral song.

prude said...

You is welcome TimT ... I think. Lucky for you you had the balls to sing it. You sounds like you is having a ball.

I is thinking (oh balls) ... it is a rather catchy tune ... "do your balls hang low ... are they pink or black or yellow ..."

Oh but please I is not really wishing to know.

Oh no. Oh no.

You has got me singing. This abballing behaviour of yours and it really must stop, TimT. Lord Herpes me!

Yick I is getting tongue tied with these balls!