Thursday, 4 January 2007

Putting A Good Foot Forward

Now this is the time of the Year many people make what they call resolutions i.e. promises to do well for themselves. Now I say the good moral person should start their life well any time in the year, if you really want something you do not have to wait til New Year to do it (this philosophy of mine is very deep, it also allows me to convert people at any time which is important to my mission and their SOULS.)

However for some people it helps to make a list of things that they intend to do to make themselves a better person for the next year. prude is not against this practice, anything to get people on prude's mission is a worthy deal.

I has walked about and people say to me things like, "Oh, I has decided I will go on a holiday this year" or "I will lose 8 kilos and stop eating lollies" (this resolution usually lasts for 8 minutes til they get to the confectionery section of the supermarket).

These is very superficial goals to have and very selfish. It is all about image and leisure and such frivolities. It is not about moral guidelines. And a healthy planet.

Naturally a person will need to set down guidelines for him or herself depending on their own habits as some have different immoral lifestyles that better need correcting hmmm hmmmm.

However, prude sets out the following as some guidelines:

1. Stop this rampant sex mania

People think about and have sex so much nowadays it is immoral. In fact I feel faint just saying these sexy words. Sex sex sex. It is everywhere. Go on a protest and refuse to give in to these lower carnal lustful sinful disgusting immoral lascivious sexual desires. Hmmm.

2. This means also abolishing those naughty pics etc etc and not being led into temptation in such ways (yes you know who you are).

3. Do as I do, and wear a chastity belt. Now one person questions me and says if I am so pure, why do I need a chastity belt? Fool, this is not to keep impure people in, it is to keep impure people OUT!

4. No alcohol. Drink good milk.

5. Adopt a penguin. (See post below) Prince Andrew never looked a handsome man before. Hmm, I suppose he does not look so handsome a man in that pic either but at least he is doing the right thing.

And donate much to penguin charities.

6. Learn the penguin dance.

Now you have some worthwhile guidelines to New Year's Resolutions! May you get on track for the New Year!


alexis said...

Just a word of warning on the ol' chastity belt: you want to make sure they don't rust. The stains are terrible, and the friction - by G*d!

righteous said...

You need a good deodorant for wearing a chastity belt, and good hygiene to minimise thrush. Depilation is also required as it's murder to get pubes caught in the hasp of the belt.

Friendless said...

Prude, when you do the depilation thing, could you post photos please?

Maria said...

righteous, you seem to have a lot of inside knowledge re: depilation and chastity belts - but I'm not, like friendless, asking for photos.

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