Wednesday, 7 January 2009

Equality in No Nudity

Recently Mr Fred Nile came out to say that he is outraged at topless sunbathing and wishes that it be banned.

(personally I is not caring whether it is at the sun or at the beach or whatever, but I in principle agrees)

Some people sneered and said that if toplessness was to be banned then remember we would have to say men would have to cover up too.

That was EQUALITY.

I think this was supposed to shame advocates like me into swinging to letting boobies hang out, but I say - I think this is an excellent idea.

For too long have men strolled about baring chests. It is an unseemly habit and it is shameful. It is like saying, "look, my front pieces do not protrude so I can show them off. Nudity is ok if there is no bouncy bits". Which is just like saying that a female should be not wearing undies in public for she has no bouncy bits there, and of course would be completely immoral. The shock! The disgust!

I is not sure exactly which is worse, the no shirt at all look or that careless shirt on but open breezing look revealing all, which has a rebellious tone to it of "yes I has a shirt, I know of their existence but I is not going to button it up PEEKABOO! attitude" rather than the naked look which is just out there and to some extent may suggest someone who hasn't got the money to purchase a shirt or who has forgotten a shirt exists. Perhaps one could prod him with a stick (do not touch another's bare skin) and remind him that upper clothing has been invented.

Besides, bare chests and nudity is a health hazard:

1. Sunburn
2. You can get hot food spilled on them. If it is oily hot, ouch!
3. You brush against thorns on a tree, ouch!
4. You fall over, more likely to get scratched, etc
5. You has wobbly bits exposed, someone stares at you, they is not looking where they are going, they bump into something else, car crash.
6. If you is wearing no clothes you cannot be wearing your neon shirt which make it easy to see you at night when you is out walking. Very dangerous for late night strollers.
7. If you is not wearing shoes it is not good for your feet when jogging or walking or rock climbing. Bunions.

I thinks nude people could also be carelessly and unfairly driving up the cost of healthcare for everyone else. That is selfish. This is not generating a feeling of community which Prude endorses.

Cover up and be thoughtful to others!


Ann oDyne said...

Prudent penguins at the Melbourne Aquarium described in the Herald-Sun today:
"Their enclosure isn't Brokeback Icefloe, yet. But their fondness for each other and casual disregard for female company has already raised eyebrows and earned them a slapping.

Billie, a try-hard girl who trails the pair around the ice, is becoming frustrated by the lack of attention.

"She's definitely showing off," Ms Walsh says. "She'll usually start it up by standing up really tall, stretching her neck out as much as she can to look as beautiful as she can."

When charm fails, as it has, Billie takes a more direct approach.

"She gives them a bit of a slap with the wing sometimes, if they are not paying enough attention."

Donny, Skipper, Billie and the other king penguins Terry and Burger have known each other since they were hatched.

In the wild, they would live in the southern Antarctic. Melbourne's five came from an Auckland aquarium where they were bred.

Aged between two and five years old, they are, in penguin terms, teenagers.

Ms Walsh suspects Donny and Skipper might have bonded through moulting at the same time.

"Moulting is not pleasant. They get fat and they get very grumpy. Those two went through moulting together. Maybe it made them have the closeness?

"They follow each other around now, with the female right behind them.

"Billie might give up soon and try with the other male (Burger)."

She is not alone in being confused by the names.

"Often they get male or female names because we don't know what sex they are until they're DNA tested. You can't tell at all by looking."

No flaunting of protuberances by penguins! Evahbodee should follow this example.

Alexis, Baron von Harlot said...

I am in complete concord with you on this one, Prude. Vestigial nipples are obscene.

Meribah said...

I subscribe to the "slip, slop, slap" philosophy. Slip on a shirt, slop on some sunscreen and slap on a (Tilley) hat! :) Of course, I am very pale and burn easily so I avoid being too exposed to the sun.
Anyway, I think more guys should cover up, and not just to protect their skin. While some guys look nice shirtless, others...don't. Unsuspecting eyes should be protected, and not just with sunglasses!

TimT said...

Speaking for myself, I plan to be genetically modified so that I physically grow a dinner-jacket out of my own body. That way, I never have to be nude again!

Friendless said...

Prude, this will shock you:

Kyle said...

I enjoy being nude, but I think sexuality ruins the fun.

prude said...

Ann 'Dyne, I is quite agreed, evahbodee should follow a penguin body's example.

Flapping and catching fish in one's mouth perhaps should become an HSC subject. It has more practical use than calculus in the outside world and I think is just as challenging to get right.

And Alexis ... well the very word "nipple" make me blush red as a firetruck!

prude said...

I definitely believe in the more cover the better Meribah.

A hat. A little parasol. lots of cream. A big T-shirt. Perhaps a big towel. Perhaps a big tree to sit under. Perhaps a huge big screen for people to sit behind, it may protect them from sunburn and as you say, meribah, from us having to look at them. Double bonus!

prude said...

TimT, if you has evolved to the state where you grow jackets out of your skin I thinks you must be one of the most highest beings ever. Perhaps I suggest you grow a penguin suit?

What about a whole wardrobe adaptable for different occasions, colour coordinated of course, a raincoat for the wet days, woolly jumpers, lighter T-shirts for summery days, dinner jackets for more formal occasions and a superhero costume for if you is asked to a masquerade party?

I is thinking this may be a great revolution and no longer will we think of men in raincoats as dirty old men but perhaps highly evolved sensible men who has grown a raincoat out of their own skin and is running about in it shouting HURRAH! HURRAH!

I awaits eagerly for the scientific reports.

prude said...

Kyle - you has come to Prude's Mission and has taken away the most important message - Sexuality ruins EVERYTHING!

prude said...

Friendless ... hmmm.

"we're stuck talking about what a shame it is that young women are having sex, when the truth is, it isn't a shame at all"

Other people can have their views.

They just may not have the right views.

It is a shame!

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