Non Chastity Charity

I do not knows where some people gets there morals, from the waste of the in-sink-erator? It seem like it when I read this story about a Chilean prostitute offering marathon sex at a telethon with money going towards handicapped kids.

I think the kids would be struck dumb and demoralised should they know that money is going towards them, and that is a handicap they would have to live with for the rest of their lives. Did this silly flasher ever think of that?

Not to mention what kind of handicap marathon sex can cause.

She say, "How can someone question a person who wants to put her job at the service of a noble cause?"

Perpetuating sexy is not a noble cause, I hasten to point out.

And I questoin her muchly.

It is like saying you would not question murder-for-hire for a cause. That is clearly wrong.
It is like saying you would not question a stripper who wish to strip for a cause. Clearly immoral.
It is like saying you would not question peoples who would swamp the market with porn for a cause. Clearly immoral.
It is like saying you would not question people who would sell short shorts and plastic sandals for a cause. That is ewwww!
It is like saying you would not question people who would sing death-metal for a cause. Save us all!
It is like saying you would not question any investment banker or politician who wish to continue in their job for a cause. Enough said.

Tom Cruise: A Possible Prudism Convert?

Tom Cruise: whatever you might say about him, he have potential. I see him here doing the air motorcycle well that is what they call it. It is remarkably good dancing, though not extremely refined, but it show some potential in the arms and leg areas if you watch carefully.

He may well be a good candidate for teaching the Penguin Dance to. Watch him bop! I is interested in prying him off the Scientology muck and seeing if he will take on the mantle of Prudism. After all I think it may be much more worthy and I could use someone with his enthusiasm.

What's more, it seem he will do almost anything and try anything, so I thinks a chastity belt, a penguin suit and Prude activism will not be off-putting to him. He is not one to shy away from challenges. What has he to lose?

It is an interesting project to consider. If I can forgive him for Top Gun and Cocktail and move on.

The Curse of the Condoms

Well, it has come upon us. People is dying of the Curse of the Condoms . And why? Because human beings is wicked. They is wanting too much sexy.

It is a simple equation really, the logic a child can play with but humans is blind and they do not wish to see it. So someone like Mr Jumbles must explain it to them.

Mr Jumbles, step forth.

"Human Beings. You has a problem. Hair bands is being made of recycled condoms, but they is being scientifically - I repeat - scientifically proven to being a health hazard. They is spreading infectious diseases. you may catch genital warts and even AIDS from a hairband, and it is common practice to hold a hairband in your mouth while doing your hair, for instance for that I must say 'Eeeeeeeergh! ewwwwww!'

I say to you humans, what does this tell me? You humans does too much sexy. If you has not a need for so much illicit sexy relations you would not have all these used condoms around. Condoms would be unused. There may not even be condoms at all. Is I right or is I right? I is right?

I is right.

I is applying that logic to the next step to say that if there is no used condoms, then used condoms could not be used to make hairbands and therefore this terrible disease spread could not have occurred. I is explaining therefore that it is the human urge for sexy that has caused this tragedy and therefore it is the beast that must be stopped.'

I thinks you would have a hard time arguing with such logic as that of Mr Jumbles! Bravo!

The Meeting of Squawk

Mr Jumbles is walking down the streets of Sydney recently, asking people to donate to charity for penguins.

"Donate to save the penguins!" he is calling. But people is ignoring him, probably because he is not a hobo or doing hip-hop in the middle of a mall. It is a sad world where you must be either really stinky or an exhibitionist with bad clothes and music sense to get any money. It mean the worthy people is getting ignored all the times.

Then he is seeing a penguin ambling down the street towards him. No, it is not Prude in a penguin suit. It is a real penguin. Mr Jumbles is a smart penguin. He can tell the difference right away even though mine is a very good quality penguin suit.

This penguin is a vision of grey silken down and white, tipped in blue. It is a very noble and dignified colouring. He stop and say to her, "Excuse me, I see you is a penguin. So is I."

"Indeed," she say. "It is a pleasure to see you. There is not much penguin company in Sydney."

"No, indeed," say Mr Jumbles. "You is the first I has seen in many months."

"I is actually from Melbourne," she explain. "I moved to Sydney just recently."

"Oh," say Mr Jumbles. "May I introduce myself? I is Mr Jumbles."

"I is Squawk."

"Squawk? That is a fine and honorable name."

"It is," she reply demurely. "My mother was Squawk and my grandmother before her. We has a long ancestral line of Squawks. It has a great history of Squawks in our family. We is very proud of it."

Mr Jumbles is looking at this fine creature, she is obviously a noble and dignified lady.

"I is thinking ... perhaps you would like to meet a great friend of mine. Her name is Prude."

"I would be honoured, Mr Jumbles!"

Mr Jumbles Finds a Friend

Sydney is not a bad place to live, however it has one detriment in particular for Mr Jumbles. There is not many penguin friends here for him. If we were in Antarctica, he could have many familiar folk around, however here he has not as many associates. I thinks we should take the time to congratulate Mr Jumbles on his devotion to Prude's Mission - he has put his social ideology ahead of mere socialising. What a worthy penguin!

But it is always good to have compatriots and while Mr Jumbles and I has got along well it is good for him to meet another penguin. They can sit and trade penguin stories. And I is glad to say that recently Mr Jumbles has met a penguin, ambling about on the streets of Sydney. It is not a common place to find penguins, but life has its quirks.

I is glad to say that like most penguins she is a noble being. Grey-and-white in colour, with delicate pink feet, silken in body and a most noble and dignified penguin. I is glad to introduce her as the newest member of Prude's Mission.

Her name is Squawk.