Wednesday, 23 January 2008

How to Compliment a Prude

Dear R.H.

I is sure R.H. is a very nice blogger. Well, I thinks is. Perhaps I should not be counting my feet before they is hatched, or I could be putting my eggs in my mouth. Or something likes that. Anyhow, R.H. seem like a very nice blogger so far, but he say to me recently "Sexy Prude".

Now.

Now, there is some women out there who would relish such a saying, and that is why some people like R.H. seem to say these such things often, I is thinking. However they is not a proper way to compliment a Prude, and since I is on a mission to convert the whole world to Prudism, soon they will be inappropriate to be used anywhere so I feel it is my duty to educate the youth of today and indeed all people today (but especially the youth for the children are the future) as to the proper way of the compliment.

Rule No. 1.

A Compliment Should Never Refer to Sexy, unless to Refer to Virtue of Unsexy

e.g.

Sexy Prude is not a Compliment
However: Prude you is Chaste
or Prude I commend your Abstinence
or Really Unsexy Prude
is all good compliments.

Also, "I wish to have sexy with you, Prude" is a disgusting form of compliment
However: Prude I wish to remain chaste in your presence
Prude you has convinced me to never has sex again
Is all great compliments

Rule No. 2

Compliments referring to the Penguin Nature or a Appearance of a Person is Good

e.g. Prude you looks just like a Penguin today, I has never seen you look more Penguin before, etc.

Rule No. 3

Certain Words is More Appropriate than Others in Compliments

Words to avoid: Nude, Sexy, Promicuous, Naughty, Salacious, Undignified, Dirty, Filthy, Perverted, Dishonourable, Revealing, Boobs

Words to use: Penguin, Noble, Dignified, Chaste, Prude, Pure

I hopes this gives you some guidelines, and these is put to good use.

7 comments:

Meribah said...

May you have a very dignified and sexless day, Prude! :)

prude said...

Meribah, thank you. You is noble and you does not make the opposite sex looks in yours direction. I has been honoured to be yours acquaintance.

R.H. said...

Well excuse me but before I ever called any female sexy I had a good think about it first and stood well back in case she took a swing at me, but as it turns out I received a blushing response and such is usually the case, okay? In fact there's a girl I call "Sexy Beryl" without the slightest complaint from her, she thrives on it. So what do you want me to call her, "Penguin Beryl"? Don't be stupid! Women spend their entire lives hoping to be called sexy, I don't know what penguins do, but I did say Sexy Prude, not Sexy Penguin, I'm not a complete idiot you know, meanwhile prudish women can be very sexy indeed, you bet, and more often than not by golly, wake up to yourself.

prude said...

She thrives on being called Sexy
Her names is called Beryl
I thinks I can tells you R.H.
This girl is a Peril.

Perhaps that is her name - Beryl Peril. It is at her peril she do not complain about the sexy label for it will get her into much trouble.

You may thinks Prudish women is sexy - it is unfortunate but I thikns Friendless and Burger Boy has same leanings - they thinks that about all women, they cannot help it, but if you say so it derides them as objects. Men's playthings not the true virginal dignitaries they strives to be. And that is the truth.

R.H. said...

The trouble is
Women want romance
Blokes want a root

-and the twain meet.


I've never taken any woman seriously.

Robert.

Bwca said...

pay attention Robbert! -
penguins live on the ice precisely because the 'blokes' you mention cannot hack it, and only properly dressed-for-a-date noble Penguimen apply.

prude said...

Well I is thinking when you comes out in the freezing Antarctic temperatures and wish for your sexy, how many ladies will be taking so many 'blokes' so seriously - bwca is right, the majority of men is not built to stand it. We has discriminated here so only those who wish for us for the purity of our souls will dare forth to this area.

But to be the catch of an elegant pure penguin woman?! Oh I thinks a true Prudey Man would thinks it well worth the journey.

It may not be the easiest route but it is the best route and a route well worth considering, R.H.