Thursday, 7 February 2008

Romeo + Juliet: A Prudey Tale Part I

Two households, both alike in dignity,
(Lots of dignity I is assuming, and that is a good thing because dignity is to be strived for,
Just as is chastity)
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
At least it is not obscene,
For it is a great Penguiny Prudey story we is telling here
First of a Penguin called Romeo Pontague and one of Juliet Captulet.

However, sadly, the first part of our scene begins like this:
There was some people collecting charity moneys for the Pontagues, and those for the Captulets on the street one days. One little charity collector piped up and says, not too wisely, "We has collected more money than you, Pontagues! Our penguins will be happier and greater in numbers!"
The Pontagues were not very pleased with this and reacted outraged "We is doing very well thanks you and by the way your chastity belt is showing!"

Now these were not very wise words. Charity collecting is altruistic not to sneer at others great efforts (even if you is doing much better hmm hmm) and it is not nice to make fun of a wardrobe malfunction such as a revealing chastity belt. It could be yours next.

This incensed the Captulets were even more angered and their wits were lost, and this ended in a clanging of charity tins on heads. Oh behold!

The Prince of Verona had to intervene and tell them violence was not very Prudey and they had lots to learn.

"Besides making an unholy racket and denting your heads, you is wasting a lot of valuable charity collecting time and blocking traffic! Wasting time and blocking traffic is a grating offence and the next one of youse who does something likes this and disturbs my milkshake break will pay!"

The Prince was very fond of his milkshakes, especially vanilla ones with whipped cream and nut sprinkles.

The Pontagues and Captulets stuck out their tongues at each other but retired. It is a terrible thing, but they were not as wise as penguins is now, and they were very rivalsome groups, in all things.

Back at The Captulet Castle, the lovely little Juliet Captulet who had not been out charity collecting because she was sewing lavender bags to sell at the next Prude Fundraising Effort, was being chatted to by her mother.

"I thinks you ought to marry that man called Paris, he calls often, and you is needing a husband, and he is coming to the dance tonight," Juliet's mother say.

Juliet sigh. She is not too fond of Paris. He look like ... what do people say today? A slime ball?

Over at the Pontague Mansion, Romeo is mooning over Rosaline.

"I am in love with a girl called Rosaline, I really am, but she do not love me," he sigh. "What do I do? I has read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, cover to cover, also What Women Want and every issue of Cleo I could get my hands on and it provide no answers. I has exhausted every avenue."

"You has to forget her," says his great friend, Bestolio.
"I agree, come to a dance tonight, there will be plenty of attractive penguins there plus lots of hot penguin dancing, what more do you need to forget?" chimed in Meritutio, his other great friend.

"Hmmmm, but I is in love ... "

"Oh come now ..." they say

"Indeed you is a best friend like your name, Bestolio, and your idea has merit, like your name, Meritutio. I shall do it!"

And so Romeo went to the penguin dance at the Captulets.

Although it were a masquerade dance, Tybalt, Juliet's cousin, recognised Romeo and thought it very saucy of a Pontague to turn up at the Captulet's dance. He was especially angry since his chastity belt really had been showing then and vowed to make Romeo pay for his arrogance in turning up so soon after the Pontagues had "outed" him.

But Romeo was oblivious to this, since he had just seen Juliet Captulet.

Ah me!

He did not know yet she was a Captulet, and she did not know he was a Pontague. Ignorance did indeed breed temptation. They swam a cross the dancefloor towards each other and did a prudey little penguin dance together and she admired his wayward steps as he did her grace.

They knew then that they were made for each other. They smiled, and chastely dared to touch hands.

"Juliet!" cried her mother, and Juliet was led away by her mother, the prominent hostess.

"Is she a Captulet?" asked Romeo, to himself (thinking: hmmm - silly question)

"Who is that man?" asked Juliet of her Nurse.

"He is Romeo Pontague, and your enemy!"

Juliet is thinking her heart is broken, but she shrouds it with dignity and a noble mask as only a penguin can do.


R.H. said...

I did Hamlet and Macbeth for the gourmet sociologists a while back, -both dramas set in Paddington cafes, and they loved it, especially when Macbeth ordered creme brulee. Social science is no different to publishing, they're all one class, a class of gourmets.

prude said...

That sound scrumptious R.H., and you sound quite the connoisseur yourself of the dairy play. I likes you very much already. Shall I compare thee to a creme brulee?

R.H. said...

Why not.

But thou art more temperate, more icy.

Dysthymiac said...

'more icy' indeed.
I slipped on my 'berg when i read that.

prude said...

I think you is getting the hang of the Prudey compliment R.H. Icy is very penguiny as they is from the Antarctic. I ispleasured by the comparison.

Nice ice.

Tough fing'rs do shake at the hardy spuds I say ...

Oh sorry I seemed to have slipped from dessert to main course.

I do apologise.