The Nurse go into Juliet's room very early in the morning, and she look ... dead.
"Oh goodness gracious! She look dead!" The Nurse scream for Juliet's father and mother.
"She must have died of a broken heart," think the Nurse. "It must be my fault. I is sorry now. When I thinks of it, Rome is just as romantic as Paris. Maybe even more so. I should never have said what I did."
"Aiyee! What use is a dead daughter? She cannot marry Paris and I will never get a big wedding in the family! And I had just got the cake ready! It were to be a marble cake too!" shrieked Juliet's mother.
"Quiet," say her husband. "You can always have cake for dessert after we put Juliet in the crypt. And you can have Juliet's slice too. It seem marble cake will be of little use to her now." He sigh. Juliet's mother stop shrieking.
"Let us dress her in something pretty and put her in a nice box. It is the dignified way."
Meanwhile, Romeo is living in Exile. He is not doing so well. He is trying to write a poem about Juliet.
Oh Juliet you is like a sweet song,
I think abouts you all days long
Oh Juliet you is like vanilla ice cream
You is white and pure all through it seem
Oh Juliet you is a noble penguin
And then Romeo is stuck, for he has been thinking for long about a good rhyme for "penguin" that aptly describe his strong feelings for Juliet but he cannot.
"You has mail," say a postie.
He rip open the envelope. It is blotchy and rather wobbly. Something about Romeo ... something ... tell ... you ... was that a J? oh gosh, the Friar is getting worse. It is his arthritis playing up again. And he would never accept the fact that he was really a leftie. Romeo had always tried to convince him he should out himself and just write with his left hand. However the Friar wwas a stubborn man and tried to write with his right hand all his life. Then he got the shakes, too. The result was something that resembled Morse Code except there was no proper pattern to it.
Romeo give up in disgust. Old men would not face up to real life!
He is thinking about this while he bend over his poem to Juliet, when up bounce a penguin friend.
"Romeo, I has terrible news, Juliet is dead! I has run all the way to Exile to tell you!"
"Is you funning me? Because I do not think this is very funny!" say Romeo.
"No, Penguin Honour Bright, she is lying in a crypt and she looks dead as a penguin could be! Her whole family is in mourning!"
Romeo bend over the Friar's letter and he think he can deciphr the word "dead" and a "J" in there. Maybe that was what the Friar was trying to tell him!
"Oh, how can this be? And Juliet will never here the great poem I was writing for her! It was to be my masterpiece!" He grab up the unfinished poem in one hand, and hurry off back to Verona.
On the way he finds a chemist, "Have you something deadly and strong?"
"Hmmm, what do you mean?" ask the chemist.
"Anything you has probably sold a successful musician or movie star recently," explain Romeo.
"Oh, we has lots of that stuff," assured the chemist, and mix him a deadly formula.
Romeo thank him and pop the vial in his pocket and whiz off to the Captulet Crypt.
Whom do he see but Paris? Paris is sitting by Juliet's box, paying his respects and also munching on a bit of marble cake which the Captulets had supplied him for sustenance, as he had intended to mourn there for a few hours.
"Who is you?" demand Romeo.
"I ask you the same question. I has permission to be here!" answer Paris. "I think YOU is the intruder."
"She is my girl," answer Romeo.
"What is you speaking of, I was to marry her!" say Paris.
Romeo is incensed and rush forward, Paris mistake this for an attack and lunge forward too. They begin a rumble on the floor, not very dignified I is sorry to report.
"Intruder!" snap Paris. "I will have your head!"
"Don't you take Juliet!" call Romeo. He see a large vase like thing available, and smash Paris with it, too hastily. The vase shatters.
Double tragedy. Paris is dead. Also, the ashes of great-great-great grandma Captulet is now all over the place.
"What has I done?" say Romeo.
He take one last look at Juliet. "Juliet, my dearest, I loves you. You looks so much at peace, and I is leaving you my unfinished poem. I only wish I could have finished the rhyme. But I wish to be with you so ... I take this drink!"
He drinks the poison and collapse. Now Romeo is really dead.
The Friar burst into the crypt then and see what has happened. Juliet is just waking up then.
"What went wrong?" she wailed. Romeo is dead, Paris is dead, Great-great-great grandma is dead ... ok, that I expected. And Romeo has left me a poem to finish with a very difficult rhyme!"
"Darn my leftiness!" curse the Friar.
"I has nothing left to live for!" scream Juliet.
"No, don't, Juliet, you can run elsewhere, I shall buy you a good rhyming dictionary, I shall ...." say the Friar.
But Juliet has found a nearby sword and plunged it through her heart.
It was hours later that the Pontagues and Captulets found out what had happened.
"I thinks we should end this feud like grown ups," say Mr Pontague. I do not want any more bloodshed. And the Captulets shook on it.
The Prince of Verona sighed with relief - no more interrupted milkshake breaks.
And Verona prospered - charity collecting was a safe and more prosperous activity from that day on in the city - well, for quite a while.
What's more, the Friar also came out of the closet and admit he was a lefty. His handwriting got better, but he also invest in a computer so he could type his letters and email. Oh, things went better in correspondence from then on - so long as he get the email addresses right.
Monday, 25 February 2008
Thursday, 21 February 2008
Romeo + Juliet: A Prudey Tale Part IV
The Prince of Verona snapped, "I has had it! That's the straw that broke the caramel's back! And I has not even had a vanilla milkshake yet! I is sick of my milkshake breaks being disturbed! Who is responsible for this? I demands to know!"
He is standing over Tybalt.
"Hmmm, that would be Romeo," murmurs a rather scared looking Captulet.
"Right, I will take away all his milkshake privilages, everywhere, FOREVER! I has the power!"
"But Tybalt killed Meritutio first," pointed out Bestolio.
"Sneak sneak sneak sneak," chanted a nearby Captulet.
"Perhaps I was being unduly harsh," admitted the Prince of Verona. "All right. I shall simply exile Romeo. He is not welcome in Verona ever again."
The news spread fast, and poor Romeo took himself far away, and Juliet locked herself in her room and sobbed.
"She is probably crying because she needs a penguin partner," said her dad. He was trying to help but he did not fully understand the situation, like many fathers. "I know - she can marry Paris! Who does not like Paris?"
"Errgh ... slime ball city!" say Juliet in between her sobs.
"Enough of that, if you do not marry him I shall disown you," say her father.
"I thinks you should marry Paris," say her Nurse. "Romeo is gone now and after all Paris sound so romantic!"
Juliet throw a pillow at her and the Nurse start squawking.
"What shall I do?" thinks Juliet, "If I get stuck with Mr Slime Ball I shall hate it. I shall die of boredom. I will spend the rest of my life wsahing my hair and doing my toenails. I know I will have nothing to talk about. Romeo is the sun and the moon and the stars and Paris is ... hmmm, I don't know what. He do not move me. He do not write cute poetry like Romeo. He do not have a twinkle in his eye or jig to a penguin tune like Romoe. He is nothing. Perhaps he ought to be with a penguin who want nothing but I is not that penguin!"
She is feeling so down she climb out the window and visit the Friar and say, "Is there nothing I can do to prevent the world collapsing - well, my marriage to Paris, which is the same thing?" We is to be married tomorrow!"
"You has already been married once," say the Friar.
"Yes, and it is rather slutty to do it twice in such quick succession. I thinks the tabloids would be having a field day if they only knew. But also I do not wish to be joined to this Paris-man. Can you help me?"
"Hmmm," say the Friar. "Well, I have a drug that could help."
"I is not into drugs," say Juliet.
"Maybe you will be when you has tried this one," say the Friar. "When you takes it, it will make you seem dead. Your family will then not think of making you marry Paris unless he has fetishes I is not aware of. They will mourn you and lay you away in the crypt. Everyone will be thinking you is dead. Over a day later, though, you will wake up - and you will NOT be dead - and you can run off and be with Romeo. Of course, I will send someone to tell Romeo of the plan, so it will be a secret - just between us three."
"Hmmm - sound like the only option I has. I am to be married tomorrow," say Juliet.
"Then here it is - this little bottle. Take it before you go to bed tonight - it's a bit bitter. I will write to Romeo right now."
"Are you sure he will understand you?" ask Juliet.
"My handwriting is very neat," the Friar assured her, handing her the bottle. "Now here you go!"
He is standing over Tybalt.
"Hmmm, that would be Romeo," murmurs a rather scared looking Captulet.
"Right, I will take away all his milkshake privilages, everywhere, FOREVER! I has the power!"
"But Tybalt killed Meritutio first," pointed out Bestolio.
"Sneak sneak sneak sneak," chanted a nearby Captulet.
"Perhaps I was being unduly harsh," admitted the Prince of Verona. "All right. I shall simply exile Romeo. He is not welcome in Verona ever again."
The news spread fast, and poor Romeo took himself far away, and Juliet locked herself in her room and sobbed.
"She is probably crying because she needs a penguin partner," said her dad. He was trying to help but he did not fully understand the situation, like many fathers. "I know - she can marry Paris! Who does not like Paris?"
"Errgh ... slime ball city!" say Juliet in between her sobs.
"Enough of that, if you do not marry him I shall disown you," say her father.
"I thinks you should marry Paris," say her Nurse. "Romeo is gone now and after all Paris sound so romantic!"
Juliet throw a pillow at her and the Nurse start squawking.
"What shall I do?" thinks Juliet, "If I get stuck with Mr Slime Ball I shall hate it. I shall die of boredom. I will spend the rest of my life wsahing my hair and doing my toenails. I know I will have nothing to talk about. Romeo is the sun and the moon and the stars and Paris is ... hmmm, I don't know what. He do not move me. He do not write cute poetry like Romeo. He do not have a twinkle in his eye or jig to a penguin tune like Romoe. He is nothing. Perhaps he ought to be with a penguin who want nothing but I is not that penguin!"
She is feeling so down she climb out the window and visit the Friar and say, "Is there nothing I can do to prevent the world collapsing - well, my marriage to Paris, which is the same thing?" We is to be married tomorrow!"
"You has already been married once," say the Friar.
"Yes, and it is rather slutty to do it twice in such quick succession. I thinks the tabloids would be having a field day if they only knew. But also I do not wish to be joined to this Paris-man. Can you help me?"
"Hmmm," say the Friar. "Well, I have a drug that could help."
"I is not into drugs," say Juliet.
"Maybe you will be when you has tried this one," say the Friar. "When you takes it, it will make you seem dead. Your family will then not think of making you marry Paris unless he has fetishes I is not aware of. They will mourn you and lay you away in the crypt. Everyone will be thinking you is dead. Over a day later, though, you will wake up - and you will NOT be dead - and you can run off and be with Romeo. Of course, I will send someone to tell Romeo of the plan, so it will be a secret - just between us three."
"Hmmm - sound like the only option I has. I am to be married tomorrow," say Juliet.
"Then here it is - this little bottle. Take it before you go to bed tonight - it's a bit bitter. I will write to Romeo right now."
"Are you sure he will understand you?" ask Juliet.
"My handwriting is very neat," the Friar assured her, handing her the bottle. "Now here you go!"
Newsflash!!! Meakin Goes Pro-Penguin
I interrupt my broadcast of Romeo and Juliet to brings you all some fantastic breaking news.
It is about how Channel 7 News Chief Peter Meakin has found his love and devotion for the penguin . I is sure if he can, we all can. He do not seem the naturally soft and cuddly type. But wonders will never cease.
It is about how Channel 7 News Chief Peter Meakin has found his love and devotion for the penguin . I is sure if he can, we all can. He do not seem the naturally soft and cuddly type. But wonders will never cease.
It is not a honourable story that got him there however - he has got a third drink driving conviction and instead of getting gaol, was ordered to do 250 hours of community service.
He has now decided to offer his services in public relations to a penguin preservation team at Manly Environment Centre.
Some anti-drinkers say he has got off lightly.
But if it help the penguins, at least some good come of it, I thinks. We cannot dismiss the good of it. Hopefully one day he will look into a penguin's eye and see the real meaning of life and never touch a drink again for he will see the dignity of the penguin and realise the noble cause of staying sober. That is what I is hoping anyhow.
He will helps the penguin, and the pengiun will helps him. That will truly be the full cycle of life, karma, nature, would it not?
Monday, 18 February 2008
Romeo + Juliet: A Prudey Tale Part III
"Pleeeeease!" say Romeo Pontague to his friend the Friar. "You know what it is like to be in love - I thinks. It is not all hearts and flowers. It is about a march of dignity forever with the one who can get your little penguin heart going."
"Very well, I shall do it," say the Friar.
So along comes Juliet and Romeo, all ready to be married.
"Where is Rosaline? Is you not to be married to Rosaline?" asked the Friar.
"No, I is going for Juliet. This is Juliet."
"Hmmm, I thoughts you were in love with Rosaline. You has written lots of poems about her," say the Friar.
"Has you been two-timing me! I is not putting up with that, Romeo Pontague! I is a moral virtuous type!" cried Juliet Captulet. "My chastity belt will not move for you!"
"No, no, I has not! It is a big mistake, the Friar is all mixed up, it is only you!"
Very soon he has placated Juliet and told the Friar they has better not mention Rosaline again and just hurry up and marry them. Soon they is properly married and Romeo promise never to look at another penguin-girl again. Juliet go home and Romeo hurry off, with his eyes averted.
Suddenly he hear a cry, but fortunately a male cry, so it is ok to look.
Unfortunately it is the Captulet cousin, Tybalt, who say, "You makes trouble for all the Captulets, Romeo, and you gatecrashed our fantastic party! I thinks you may has taken a bit of cake too, and it were my favourite type!"
"Not I! I is not liking chocolate cheesecake at all!" stutter Romeo.
"And how did you know it were choc cheesecake? It were hidden under icing! Only if you TASTED it!" roared Tybalt.
"Ummmm ... maybe I smelled it," murmured Romeo. "I has good smelling faculties."
"Smell this!" roar Tybalt, and tweaked his nose!
Romeo felt this a great insult, but he say with some willpower, "I cannot fight you, Tybalt, we is ... a family." Ahh, Juliet, constantly on his mind!
"Fight!" say Tybalt.
"No! say Romeo.
"I will fight for you, Romeo," say Meritutio.
"No, no, no!" say Romeo. But Meritutio think it important and rush forward to give Tybalt's nose a good tweak. Alas, Tybalt get there first, and get both Meritutio's nose and ear a tweak - and snap both off!
Alas! Meritutio is bleeding away fast!
"No, no, what has you done. You has taken away his ear and nose, and he is draining away, say something Meritutio!"
"A plague on both your houses," whisper Meritutio. It is not charitable, but rather poetic.
Romeo get very mad and rush forth and stomp at Tybalt, give him a good slap and tweak, for he is a passionate penguin. Alas Tybalt fall dead too!
"I did not realise I had grown quite this strong so recently!" thought Romeo.
Then he see the Prince of Verona striding up, "I'll have a vanilla .... hey!" say the stately Prince.
Whoops - better dive, think Romeo.
He manage to run out of sight before he is spotted.
"Very well, I shall do it," say the Friar.
So along comes Juliet and Romeo, all ready to be married.
"Where is Rosaline? Is you not to be married to Rosaline?" asked the Friar.
"No, I is going for Juliet. This is Juliet."
"Hmmm, I thoughts you were in love with Rosaline. You has written lots of poems about her," say the Friar.
"Has you been two-timing me! I is not putting up with that, Romeo Pontague! I is a moral virtuous type!" cried Juliet Captulet. "My chastity belt will not move for you!"
"No, no, I has not! It is a big mistake, the Friar is all mixed up, it is only you!"
Very soon he has placated Juliet and told the Friar they has better not mention Rosaline again and just hurry up and marry them. Soon they is properly married and Romeo promise never to look at another penguin-girl again. Juliet go home and Romeo hurry off, with his eyes averted.
Suddenly he hear a cry, but fortunately a male cry, so it is ok to look.
Unfortunately it is the Captulet cousin, Tybalt, who say, "You makes trouble for all the Captulets, Romeo, and you gatecrashed our fantastic party! I thinks you may has taken a bit of cake too, and it were my favourite type!"
"Not I! I is not liking chocolate cheesecake at all!" stutter Romeo.
"And how did you know it were choc cheesecake? It were hidden under icing! Only if you TASTED it!" roared Tybalt.
"Ummmm ... maybe I smelled it," murmured Romeo. "I has good smelling faculties."
"Smell this!" roar Tybalt, and tweaked his nose!
Romeo felt this a great insult, but he say with some willpower, "I cannot fight you, Tybalt, we is ... a family." Ahh, Juliet, constantly on his mind!
"Fight!" say Tybalt.
"No! say Romeo.
"I will fight for you, Romeo," say Meritutio.
"No, no, no!" say Romeo. But Meritutio think it important and rush forward to give Tybalt's nose a good tweak. Alas, Tybalt get there first, and get both Meritutio's nose and ear a tweak - and snap both off!
Alas! Meritutio is bleeding away fast!
"No, no, what has you done. You has taken away his ear and nose, and he is draining away, say something Meritutio!"
"A plague on both your houses," whisper Meritutio. It is not charitable, but rather poetic.
Romeo get very mad and rush forth and stomp at Tybalt, give him a good slap and tweak, for he is a passionate penguin. Alas Tybalt fall dead too!
"I did not realise I had grown quite this strong so recently!" thought Romeo.
Then he see the Prince of Verona striding up, "I'll have a vanilla .... hey!" say the stately Prince.
Whoops - better dive, think Romeo.
He manage to run out of sight before he is spotted.
Monday, 11 February 2008
Romeo + Juliet: A Prudey Tale Part II
Romeo Pontague has discovered his love (he has now forgotten all about Rosaline) Juliet is a Captulet.
His friends drag him from the party, but he is repeating to himself:
"Oh Juliet!
You is a Captulet!
You has captured me
Oh Captulet!
Why I loves you so
But I is Romeo,
Why I is the one for you,
Even if I is a Pontague."
His friends think he is a bit potty. They is also quite impressed he can talk rhyme off the cuff so well likes that.
Romeo is smitten so that night he sneak into the Captulet Castle Garden and there he see Juliet on the blacony, who is pondering her love ... for him! he hide behind a nearby rosebush to listen to her wondrous words. She is so beautiful and dignified-looking, standing there in the moonlight.
"Romeo, Rome, wherefore art thou Romeo?" she say.
Romeo is so happy he can hardly resist the urge to pop out and call out "I is here, fair Juliet Captulet! Over by the rosebush!"
But he manage to contain himself.
"It is just a name. A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet," continues Juliet.
She decides to test it buy picking out a rose and she call it "Chrysanthemum!" and then sniff it. It smell the same. "Jukebox!" she call it. "It smell the same," she confirmed. "Scientology!" she call it. She sniff it and thinks it smell a bit funny. "I probably have got a bit of a cold," she excuse herself.
She is about to pick another rose when out pop Romeo.
"Oweeee!" she cry, but when she see it is Romeo her emotions is true delight. "Oh, it is the prudey penguin I is in love with!"
"Do you really has eyes for me?" say Romeo. "For dear Juliet, you is the most prudey and graceful and noble and chaste penguin I has ever laid eyes on."
"Oh I has never heard such music to my ears," say Juliet. "But hide, for they will kill a Pontague if they find him hear. Hmmm. Romeo, I is thinking you is the only penguin I wish to have in my life. You is dignified and noble. You has the best penguin dancing feet a girl could ask for."
"Juliet Captulet, would you like to dance that penguin dance with me forever?"
"If you can marry me, send word tomorrow," says Juliet. "But I thinks it is best to hurry off now for if they make you into penguin burger you is not a good husband for any penguin girl and I fear the Captulets are in a temper right now. Except me."
Romeo hurry off. He has work cut out for him now, that is for sure. But he throw a prudent little kiss to his Juliet, just for a keepsake.
His friends drag him from the party, but he is repeating to himself:
"Oh Juliet!
You is a Captulet!
You has captured me
Oh Captulet!
Why I loves you so
But I is Romeo,
Why I is the one for you,
Even if I is a Pontague."
His friends think he is a bit potty. They is also quite impressed he can talk rhyme off the cuff so well likes that.
Romeo is smitten so that night he sneak into the Captulet Castle Garden and there he see Juliet on the blacony, who is pondering her love ... for him! he hide behind a nearby rosebush to listen to her wondrous words. She is so beautiful and dignified-looking, standing there in the moonlight.
"Romeo, Rome, wherefore art thou Romeo?" she say.
Romeo is so happy he can hardly resist the urge to pop out and call out "I is here, fair Juliet Captulet! Over by the rosebush!"
But he manage to contain himself.
"It is just a name. A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet," continues Juliet.
She decides to test it buy picking out a rose and she call it "Chrysanthemum!" and then sniff it. It smell the same. "Jukebox!" she call it. "It smell the same," she confirmed. "Scientology!" she call it. She sniff it and thinks it smell a bit funny. "I probably have got a bit of a cold," she excuse herself.
She is about to pick another rose when out pop Romeo.
"Oweeee!" she cry, but when she see it is Romeo her emotions is true delight. "Oh, it is the prudey penguin I is in love with!"
"Do you really has eyes for me?" say Romeo. "For dear Juliet, you is the most prudey and graceful and noble and chaste penguin I has ever laid eyes on."
"Oh I has never heard such music to my ears," say Juliet. "But hide, for they will kill a Pontague if they find him hear. Hmmm. Romeo, I is thinking you is the only penguin I wish to have in my life. You is dignified and noble. You has the best penguin dancing feet a girl could ask for."
"Juliet Captulet, would you like to dance that penguin dance with me forever?"
"If you can marry me, send word tomorrow," says Juliet. "But I thinks it is best to hurry off now for if they make you into penguin burger you is not a good husband for any penguin girl and I fear the Captulets are in a temper right now. Except me."
Romeo hurry off. He has work cut out for him now, that is for sure. But he throw a prudent little kiss to his Juliet, just for a keepsake.
Thursday, 7 February 2008
Romeo + Juliet: A Prudey Tale Part I
Two households, both alike in dignity,
(Lots of dignity I is assuming, and that is a good thing because dignity is to be strived for,
Just as is chastity)
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
At least it is not obscene,
For it is a great Penguiny Prudey story we is telling here
First of a Penguin called Romeo Pontague and one of Juliet Captulet.
However, sadly, the first part of our scene begins like this:
There was some people collecting charity moneys for the Pontagues, and those for the Captulets on the street one days. One little charity collector piped up and says, not too wisely, "We has collected more money than you, Pontagues! Our penguins will be happier and greater in numbers!"
The Pontagues were not very pleased with this and reacted outraged "We is doing very well thanks you and by the way your chastity belt is showing!"
Now these were not very wise words. Charity collecting is altruistic not to sneer at others great efforts (even if you is doing much better hmm hmm) and it is not nice to make fun of a wardrobe malfunction such as a revealing chastity belt. It could be yours next.
This incensed the Captulets were even more angered and their wits were lost, and this ended in a clanging of charity tins on heads. Oh behold!
The Prince of Verona had to intervene and tell them violence was not very Prudey and they had lots to learn.
"Besides making an unholy racket and denting your heads, you is wasting a lot of valuable charity collecting time and blocking traffic! Wasting time and blocking traffic is a grating offence and the next one of youse who does something likes this and disturbs my milkshake break will pay!"
The Prince was very fond of his milkshakes, especially vanilla ones with whipped cream and nut sprinkles.
The Pontagues and Captulets stuck out their tongues at each other but retired. It is a terrible thing, but they were not as wise as penguins is now, and they were very rivalsome groups, in all things.
Back at The Captulet Castle, the lovely little Juliet Captulet who had not been out charity collecting because she was sewing lavender bags to sell at the next Prude Fundraising Effort, was being chatted to by her mother.
"I thinks you ought to marry that man called Paris, he calls often, and you is needing a husband, and he is coming to the dance tonight," Juliet's mother say.
Juliet sigh. She is not too fond of Paris. He look like ... what do people say today? A slime ball?
Over at the Pontague Mansion, Romeo is mooning over Rosaline.
"I am in love with a girl called Rosaline, I really am, but she do not love me," he sigh. "What do I do? I has read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, cover to cover, also What Women Want and every issue of Cleo I could get my hands on and it provide no answers. I has exhausted every avenue."
"You has to forget her," says his great friend, Bestolio.
"I agree, come to a dance tonight, there will be plenty of attractive penguins there plus lots of hot penguin dancing, what more do you need to forget?" chimed in Meritutio, his other great friend.
"Hmmmm, but I is in love ... "
"Oh come now ..." they say
"Indeed you is a best friend like your name, Bestolio, and your idea has merit, like your name, Meritutio. I shall do it!"
And so Romeo went to the penguin dance at the Captulets.
Although it were a masquerade dance, Tybalt, Juliet's cousin, recognised Romeo and thought it very saucy of a Pontague to turn up at the Captulet's dance. He was especially angry since his chastity belt really had been showing then and vowed to make Romeo pay for his arrogance in turning up so soon after the Pontagues had "outed" him.
But Romeo was oblivious to this, since he had just seen Juliet Captulet.
Ah me!
He did not know yet she was a Captulet, and she did not know he was a Pontague. Ignorance did indeed breed temptation. They swam a cross the dancefloor towards each other and did a prudey little penguin dance together and she admired his wayward steps as he did her grace.
They knew then that they were made for each other. They smiled, and chastely dared to touch hands.
"Juliet!" cried her mother, and Juliet was led away by her mother, the prominent hostess.
"Is she a Captulet?" asked Romeo, to himself (thinking: hmmm - silly question)
"Who is that man?" asked Juliet of her Nurse.
"He is Romeo Pontague, and your enemy!"
Juliet is thinking her heart is broken, but she shrouds it with dignity and a noble mask as only a penguin can do.
(Lots of dignity I is assuming, and that is a good thing because dignity is to be strived for,
Just as is chastity)
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
At least it is not obscene,
For it is a great Penguiny Prudey story we is telling here
First of a Penguin called Romeo Pontague and one of Juliet Captulet.
However, sadly, the first part of our scene begins like this:
There was some people collecting charity moneys for the Pontagues, and those for the Captulets on the street one days. One little charity collector piped up and says, not too wisely, "We has collected more money than you, Pontagues! Our penguins will be happier and greater in numbers!"
The Pontagues were not very pleased with this and reacted outraged "We is doing very well thanks you and by the way your chastity belt is showing!"
Now these were not very wise words. Charity collecting is altruistic not to sneer at others great efforts (even if you is doing much better hmm hmm) and it is not nice to make fun of a wardrobe malfunction such as a revealing chastity belt. It could be yours next.
This incensed the Captulets were even more angered and their wits were lost, and this ended in a clanging of charity tins on heads. Oh behold!
The Prince of Verona had to intervene and tell them violence was not very Prudey and they had lots to learn.
"Besides making an unholy racket and denting your heads, you is wasting a lot of valuable charity collecting time and blocking traffic! Wasting time and blocking traffic is a grating offence and the next one of youse who does something likes this and disturbs my milkshake break will pay!"
The Prince was very fond of his milkshakes, especially vanilla ones with whipped cream and nut sprinkles.
The Pontagues and Captulets stuck out their tongues at each other but retired. It is a terrible thing, but they were not as wise as penguins is now, and they were very rivalsome groups, in all things.
Back at The Captulet Castle, the lovely little Juliet Captulet who had not been out charity collecting because she was sewing lavender bags to sell at the next Prude Fundraising Effort, was being chatted to by her mother.
"I thinks you ought to marry that man called Paris, he calls often, and you is needing a husband, and he is coming to the dance tonight," Juliet's mother say.
Juliet sigh. She is not too fond of Paris. He look like ... what do people say today? A slime ball?
Over at the Pontague Mansion, Romeo is mooning over Rosaline.
"I am in love with a girl called Rosaline, I really am, but she do not love me," he sigh. "What do I do? I has read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, cover to cover, also What Women Want and every issue of Cleo I could get my hands on and it provide no answers. I has exhausted every avenue."
"You has to forget her," says his great friend, Bestolio.
"I agree, come to a dance tonight, there will be plenty of attractive penguins there plus lots of hot penguin dancing, what more do you need to forget?" chimed in Meritutio, his other great friend.
"Hmmmm, but I is in love ... "
"Oh come now ..." they say
"Indeed you is a best friend like your name, Bestolio, and your idea has merit, like your name, Meritutio. I shall do it!"
And so Romeo went to the penguin dance at the Captulets.
Although it were a masquerade dance, Tybalt, Juliet's cousin, recognised Romeo and thought it very saucy of a Pontague to turn up at the Captulet's dance. He was especially angry since his chastity belt really had been showing then and vowed to make Romeo pay for his arrogance in turning up so soon after the Pontagues had "outed" him.
But Romeo was oblivious to this, since he had just seen Juliet Captulet.
Ah me!
He did not know yet she was a Captulet, and she did not know he was a Pontague. Ignorance did indeed breed temptation. They swam a cross the dancefloor towards each other and did a prudey little penguin dance together and she admired his wayward steps as he did her grace.
They knew then that they were made for each other. They smiled, and chastely dared to touch hands.
"Juliet!" cried her mother, and Juliet was led away by her mother, the prominent hostess.
"Is she a Captulet?" asked Romeo, to himself (thinking: hmmm - silly question)
"Who is that man?" asked Juliet of her Nurse.
"He is Romeo Pontague, and your enemy!"
Juliet is thinking her heart is broken, but she shrouds it with dignity and a noble mask as only a penguin can do.
Lots of money for an 's'
I has read that a British travel company paid $1.2m for the letter 's' in its URL, that is, it wish to be known as "cruises.co.uk" instead of "cruise.co.uk" and paid $1.2m for the pleasure.
Now I must say that is a lot of cash. I has worked hard at charity collecting all my Prudey life and never has one person slipped a $1.2m note in my tin. They is not easy to come by.
But I sympathise wholeheartedly with the predicament of this travel company, I is often thinking to myself, it is not easy to get the URL or the email you wishes for. They is often gobbled up by someone whom I suspect is not so deserving.
For instance, when I was first setting up this site, my first wish for a URL was the word "prude". It seem to fit in very well with my identity. Then, it do seem, someone else take the URL prude.blogspot.com! And they has not my Prudey stance. in fact their blog is filled with pictures of Pirates - now what has they to do with the great chasteness that true Prudes aspire to?
What's more there has been only a couple of rather vacuous posts and then it has been abandoned since 2004.
Ahh, what a waste for a potentially, beautifully, chaste name! I weep. The shame of it.
Then I looks at the URL theprude.blogspot.com
Again, taken! SOmething about Rocking on with The Prude, but otherwise empty.
Oh I is again mourning these good URLs, in a wasteland. Rock on with this The Prude? I thinks not.
So I try prudey.blogspot.com Oh the shame of it. Something I cannot understand at all I think it is in Spanish or something. Some funny language. Lots of pictures of people with clothes - thank goodness at least not naked and not much flesh-flashing - but not a penguin to be seen. Clearly could do with improvement.
So my top blog choices has been taken!
But naturally I must select another for Prude cannot let a this URL get in the way of her mission, and she do not have $1.2m.
I settles here, where you all knows me.
However, I feel the pain. I empathise. It is a world not always fair. But I must say after a year here I is very proud of PRUDESMISSION
And I did not have to pay a cent for my three s's!
Now I must say that is a lot of cash. I has worked hard at charity collecting all my Prudey life and never has one person slipped a $1.2m note in my tin. They is not easy to come by.
But I sympathise wholeheartedly with the predicament of this travel company, I is often thinking to myself, it is not easy to get the URL or the email you wishes for. They is often gobbled up by someone whom I suspect is not so deserving.
For instance, when I was first setting up this site, my first wish for a URL was the word "prude". It seem to fit in very well with my identity. Then, it do seem, someone else take the URL prude.blogspot.com! And they has not my Prudey stance. in fact their blog is filled with pictures of Pirates - now what has they to do with the great chasteness that true Prudes aspire to?
What's more there has been only a couple of rather vacuous posts and then it has been abandoned since 2004.
Ahh, what a waste for a potentially, beautifully, chaste name! I weep. The shame of it.
Then I looks at the URL theprude.blogspot.com
Again, taken! SOmething about Rocking on with The Prude, but otherwise empty.
Oh I is again mourning these good URLs, in a wasteland. Rock on with this The Prude? I thinks not.
So I try prudey.blogspot.com Oh the shame of it. Something I cannot understand at all I think it is in Spanish or something. Some funny language. Lots of pictures of people with clothes - thank goodness at least not naked and not much flesh-flashing - but not a penguin to be seen. Clearly could do with improvement.
So my top blog choices has been taken!
But naturally I must select another for Prude cannot let a this URL get in the way of her mission, and she do not have $1.2m.
I settles here, where you all knows me.
However, I feel the pain. I empathise. It is a world not always fair. But I must say after a year here I is very proud of PRUDESMISSION
And I did not have to pay a cent for my three s's!
Thursday, 24 January 2008
"Sex Scenes Are A Pain"
It is on the record that sex all the time is not that much fun - well I think people should take notice!
Promiscuity is not only not a virtue but it is not so much so called "fun"!
Prudism is definitely the way to go!
Promiscuity is not only not a virtue but it is not so much so called "fun"!
Prudism is definitely the way to go!
Wednesday, 23 January 2008
How to Compliment a Prude
Dear R.H.
I is sure R.H. is a very nice blogger. Well, I thinks is. Perhaps I should not be counting my feet before they is hatched, or I could be putting my eggs in my mouth. Or something likes that. Anyhow, R.H. seem like a very nice blogger so far, but he say to me recently "Sexy Prude".
Now.
Now, there is some women out there who would relish such a saying, and that is why some people like R.H. seem to say these such things often, I is thinking. However they is not a proper way to compliment a Prude, and since I is on a mission to convert the whole world to Prudism, soon they will be inappropriate to be used anywhere so I feel it is my duty to educate the youth of today and indeed all people today (but especially the youth for the children are the future) as to the proper way of the compliment.
Rule No. 1.
A Compliment Should Never Refer to Sexy, unless to Refer to Virtue of Unsexy
e.g.
Sexy Prude is not a Compliment
However: Prude you is Chaste
or Prude I commend your Abstinence
or Really Unsexy Prude
is all good compliments.
Also, "I wish to have sexy with you, Prude" is a disgusting form of compliment
However: Prude I wish to remain chaste in your presence
Prude you has convinced me to never has sex again
Is all great compliments
Rule No. 2
Compliments referring to the Penguin Nature or a Appearance of a Person is Good
e.g. Prude you looks just like a Penguin today, I has never seen you look more Penguin before, etc.
Rule No. 3
Certain Words is More Appropriate than Others in Compliments
Words to avoid: Nude, Sexy, Promicuous, Naughty, Salacious, Undignified, Dirty, Filthy, Perverted, Dishonourable, Revealing, Boobs
Words to use: Penguin, Noble, Dignified, Chaste, Prude, Pure
I hopes this gives you some guidelines, and these is put to good use.
I is sure R.H. is a very nice blogger. Well, I thinks is. Perhaps I should not be counting my feet before they is hatched, or I could be putting my eggs in my mouth. Or something likes that. Anyhow, R.H. seem like a very nice blogger so far, but he say to me recently "Sexy Prude".
Now.
Now, there is some women out there who would relish such a saying, and that is why some people like R.H. seem to say these such things often, I is thinking. However they is not a proper way to compliment a Prude, and since I is on a mission to convert the whole world to Prudism, soon they will be inappropriate to be used anywhere so I feel it is my duty to educate the youth of today and indeed all people today (but especially the youth for the children are the future) as to the proper way of the compliment.
Rule No. 1.
A Compliment Should Never Refer to Sexy, unless to Refer to Virtue of Unsexy
e.g.
Sexy Prude is not a Compliment
However: Prude you is Chaste
or Prude I commend your Abstinence
or Really Unsexy Prude
is all good compliments.
Also, "I wish to have sexy with you, Prude" is a disgusting form of compliment
However: Prude I wish to remain chaste in your presence
Prude you has convinced me to never has sex again
Is all great compliments
Rule No. 2
Compliments referring to the Penguin Nature or a Appearance of a Person is Good
e.g. Prude you looks just like a Penguin today, I has never seen you look more Penguin before, etc.
Rule No. 3
Certain Words is More Appropriate than Others in Compliments
Words to avoid: Nude, Sexy, Promicuous, Naughty, Salacious, Undignified, Dirty, Filthy, Perverted, Dishonourable, Revealing, Boobs
Words to use: Penguin, Noble, Dignified, Chaste, Prude, Pure
I hopes this gives you some guidelines, and these is put to good use.
What Prude Did on Penguin Awareness Day
It was Penguin Awareness Day , on January Twentieth,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse,
That was until Prudey jumped up and got ready,
Put on her Penguin Suit (over chastity belt), and left the house.
Mr Jumbles was ready,
With Squawk our great friend,
And we celebrated this special day,
From beginning to end.
Yes, Penguin Awareness Day was on January Twentieth. It was a great day to learn much about penguins, to adopt a penguin, to spot a penguin, and to get in touch with your inner penguin. Naturally I sees Mr Jumbles and Squawk quite often - ok Mr Jumbles a tad more often however Squawk is fast growing a loyal and frequent companion. However on a special day like Penguin Awareness Day I went out of my way to see them in a special light. I naturally dressed up in my very best Penguin Suit.
We took out our Penguin Charity Tins and one thing we did early in the morning was a very interesting penguin dance routine which we had been working on as a trio. It involve some of the more complex and joyful penguin movements and I regard it as a work of art. It really let my inner penguin out, and perhaps you saw us, if you is from Sydney? Perhaps you is one of those nice peoples who gives us money for the Adopt a Penguin Program or the Penguin Humane Fund? I thinks you is a very good person, thank yous.
We then had a picnic in the park, to get more in touch with nature, and I had much deep and meaningful chatter with my penguin friends. You understand more what is going on in their penguin hearts then and I felt so in touch with penguin feelings then. I was so truly touched.
We told penguin tales all night and watched March of the Penguins DVD too. I tells you, it was a good day ... and a good night.
Wednesday, 9 January 2008
P&O = Perverts and Oglers
P&O has brought disgrace to its name once again with the latest in scandals. But then what else do you expect from a cruise ship which runs such filthy ads with the slogan "SEAMEN WANTED" and a picture of slutty women lazing about on board? I think it is very much provocative and they is showing off bad values.
If anyone is wanting a good time, a really good time, they would not be boarding on one of these ships, because these ships is giving you an assaulting and insulting time. Why peoples buy into them, I do not know. They jump aboard and then cry when they is had sex with. It is like jumping on glass and crying that you has been bleeding.
I thinks the only reason one should jump aboard a P&O ship is to pull it apart and shout hurrah! It is a hull of decrepit and nasty behaviour. What with rapists and paedophiles lurking in every hatch, or so the newspapers report it, it seem.
A PrudeCruise would never allow such activities to take place. Activities would include guided tours and penguin spotting and organised penguin dances and marches, and all staff would personally check that chastity belts were in place for extra protection of passengers. It would be our insurance policy. It is a pity P&O do not follow some basic Prude guidelines like that, and instead of having a drunken raving defiled mob they could have an ordered group with healthy, pure clean prudey fun.
There is some who would say "What, no alcohol, no sex, that's no fun?" but if you was Diane Brimble would you say I would like to be watching a Penguin Play with my chastity belt on alive, or be raped and drugged and dead by boozed up fools - I ask you? It is obvious sex and alcohol lead to no good, especially at high seas - I think it has soething to do with the rollicking sway but I has not done my scientific investigation into it.
P.S. If anyone would like to take part in a Prude investigation in how high seas affect people's stupidity I is happy to talk to prospective volunteers. It is something I may be looking at. Some will be allowed to booze and have sex a lot, others to wear chastity belts and watch penguins. All will be taken on a cruise. Prude will observe their behaviour closely and take notes.
If anyone is wanting a good time, a really good time, they would not be boarding on one of these ships, because these ships is giving you an assaulting and insulting time. Why peoples buy into them, I do not know. They jump aboard and then cry when they is had sex with. It is like jumping on glass and crying that you has been bleeding.
I thinks the only reason one should jump aboard a P&O ship is to pull it apart and shout hurrah! It is a hull of decrepit and nasty behaviour. What with rapists and paedophiles lurking in every hatch, or so the newspapers report it, it seem.
A PrudeCruise would never allow such activities to take place. Activities would include guided tours and penguin spotting and organised penguin dances and marches, and all staff would personally check that chastity belts were in place for extra protection of passengers. It would be our insurance policy. It is a pity P&O do not follow some basic Prude guidelines like that, and instead of having a drunken raving defiled mob they could have an ordered group with healthy, pure clean prudey fun.
There is some who would say "What, no alcohol, no sex, that's no fun?" but if you was Diane Brimble would you say I would like to be watching a Penguin Play with my chastity belt on alive, or be raped and drugged and dead by boozed up fools - I ask you? It is obvious sex and alcohol lead to no good, especially at high seas - I think it has soething to do with the rollicking sway but I has not done my scientific investigation into it.
P.S. If anyone would like to take part in a Prude investigation in how high seas affect people's stupidity I is happy to talk to prospective volunteers. It is something I may be looking at. Some will be allowed to booze and have sex a lot, others to wear chastity belts and watch penguins. All will be taken on a cruise. Prude will observe their behaviour closely and take notes.
Friday, 4 January 2008
The Return of the Sexy Underwear - Not!
Now that it is early in the New Year, this is the time when people are doing two things - buying heaps of cheap bargains because they didn't get whats they wanted for Christmas, and trying to return lots of unwanted presents, because they didn't gets what they wanted for Christmas.
Prude was certain peoples knows what type of person she is, and would buy ethically and appropriately for her. After all she explain it clear enough on her blog and explain it loud enough in the street. WHat do she need extra, a megaphone? In fact perhaps one of those may have come in handy, but no one bought one for her this Christmas. Strange.
However, someone DID buy her something rather inappropriate.
She pull off the shiny paper on Christmas and horror of horrors she receive a most shocking gift and she nearly faint. It is a pity no one get her smelling salts this year. She may have to request them next year in case a disaster like this happen again.
It was, of all filths - SEXY UNDERWEAR!
Prude would not be caught dead in sexy underwear. That has been a direct order, given to those in charge of funeral direction. She most certainly would not be caught alive in such frivolous immoral stuff. That stuff belong on Britney Spears - when she remember to wear them.
So of course Prude took them back to the store for exchange, though it cause her some embarrassment to be in such a store and to have to pull such immoral stuff from a plastic bag. I tell you, I feel soiled doing such a thing.
I say, "Someone bought your immoral filth thinking I would inhabit such a thing. I wish not to be associated with you or your product. I wish to have my moneys back please."
I think I said it in a very polite and dignified way.
The saleswoman say, "Hmmm, it is our policy not to refund for lingerie."
"Whats?"
"Look at the sign. You cannot refund for swimwear or lingerie. It is policy."
"But why? I do not want to be any part of your disgusting industry!"
"It is for hygiene purposes. Now if it were a jacket or scarf, perhaps ..."
"But it is taking great advantage! Swimwear and lingerie are your most immoral products! youse wish to palm them off and say no take back? And what is this about hygiene? Is you saying I is dirty? You is the dirty filthy ones! You is the one palming off these skimpy little .... things!"
"I has told you our policy. We cannot refund for hygiene reasons"
"I has never worn them! They has never touched my skin! Even if I had worn them I has a chastity belt on which would make it very hygienic! What is this twaddle you is palming off to me! I demand my money back!"
"I cannot."
She was like a robot. She cannot say anything but policy, policy, policy. She has no compassion or understanding for my plight. In the end I takes the skimpy things and I say to her, "Then YOUSE have it, you obviously immoral person! They would suit YOU very well!"
Funnily enough she look quite pleased.
Prude was certain peoples knows what type of person she is, and would buy ethically and appropriately for her. After all she explain it clear enough on her blog and explain it loud enough in the street. WHat do she need extra, a megaphone? In fact perhaps one of those may have come in handy, but no one bought one for her this Christmas. Strange.
However, someone DID buy her something rather inappropriate.
She pull off the shiny paper on Christmas and horror of horrors she receive a most shocking gift and she nearly faint. It is a pity no one get her smelling salts this year. She may have to request them next year in case a disaster like this happen again.
It was, of all filths - SEXY UNDERWEAR!
Prude would not be caught dead in sexy underwear. That has been a direct order, given to those in charge of funeral direction. She most certainly would not be caught alive in such frivolous immoral stuff. That stuff belong on Britney Spears - when she remember to wear them.
So of course Prude took them back to the store for exchange, though it cause her some embarrassment to be in such a store and to have to pull such immoral stuff from a plastic bag. I tell you, I feel soiled doing such a thing.
I say, "Someone bought your immoral filth thinking I would inhabit such a thing. I wish not to be associated with you or your product. I wish to have my moneys back please."
I think I said it in a very polite and dignified way.
The saleswoman say, "Hmmm, it is our policy not to refund for lingerie."
"Whats?"
"Look at the sign. You cannot refund for swimwear or lingerie. It is policy."
"But why? I do not want to be any part of your disgusting industry!"
"It is for hygiene purposes. Now if it were a jacket or scarf, perhaps ..."
"But it is taking great advantage! Swimwear and lingerie are your most immoral products! youse wish to palm them off and say no take back? And what is this about hygiene? Is you saying I is dirty? You is the dirty filthy ones! You is the one palming off these skimpy little .... things!"
"I has told you our policy. We cannot refund for hygiene reasons"
"I has never worn them! They has never touched my skin! Even if I had worn them I has a chastity belt on which would make it very hygienic! What is this twaddle you is palming off to me! I demand my money back!"
"I cannot."
She was like a robot. She cannot say anything but policy, policy, policy. She has no compassion or understanding for my plight. In the end I takes the skimpy things and I say to her, "Then YOUSE have it, you obviously immoral person! They would suit YOU very well!"
Funnily enough she look quite pleased.
Wednesday, 2 January 2008
Down with Drunks!
It is 2008 now and today I was about town.
Straight after Christmas there was an attack on stores, with everyone grabbing their hands on cheap TVs and linen sets and silly-priced T-shirts. I do not do such undignified things as involve myself in the "Christmas crush" but I did saunter in and have a ruffle through some bargains. I found myself some lovely oven mitts, just right for when I do my baking and like to keep my paws clean and pure, and a black parasol with white trimming. This is the penguin parasol you knows! Penguin coolours, and very dainty and proper! It will keeps the sun out in the suny days and the rain off in the rainy days and just right when I am out on my charity collecting and converting missions.
So I was very pleased with my purchases.
However, today, and even more so yesterday, there was not nearly as many souls in sight. And you knows why?
No, it was not because the sales has all disappeared. There was many a bargain sock and a lacy parasol to be found, not to mention all those bargain rolls of Christmas wrappings and Santa teddies to be going for cheap (I scooped several; they will do for next Christmas). And there was stores open on New Year's in the City.
It was because many a potential shopper was writhing in bed because of a HANGOVER.
This is, sadly, because on NYE certain people was out partying til late and drinking far too much. That is the sad state of Aussies today and sadder still, they actually believe they can hold the alcohol. They do not realise they become idiot incomprehensible nincompoops with weak bladders after they down a few drinks. And while for some that is their normal state, for many it is a state induced by ALCOHOL - the evil.
And the hangover is persisting til today.
It is very immoral for them to do so and they shoulds be taught a lesson. I advise all moral peoples to teach such disgusting revellers a lesson. Go to your stores sober after New Year's Eve and scoop all the good bargains and leave signs saying HA HA HA GOT HERE BEFORE YOU DRUNK as you buy it. Serves them right and perhaps they will sober up!
Straight after Christmas there was an attack on stores, with everyone grabbing their hands on cheap TVs and linen sets and silly-priced T-shirts. I do not do such undignified things as involve myself in the "Christmas crush" but I did saunter in and have a ruffle through some bargains. I found myself some lovely oven mitts, just right for when I do my baking and like to keep my paws clean and pure, and a black parasol with white trimming. This is the penguin parasol you knows! Penguin coolours, and very dainty and proper! It will keeps the sun out in the suny days and the rain off in the rainy days and just right when I am out on my charity collecting and converting missions.
So I was very pleased with my purchases.
However, today, and even more so yesterday, there was not nearly as many souls in sight. And you knows why?
No, it was not because the sales has all disappeared. There was many a bargain sock and a lacy parasol to be found, not to mention all those bargain rolls of Christmas wrappings and Santa teddies to be going for cheap (I scooped several; they will do for next Christmas). And there was stores open on New Year's in the City.
It was because many a potential shopper was writhing in bed because of a HANGOVER.
This is, sadly, because on NYE certain people was out partying til late and drinking far too much. That is the sad state of Aussies today and sadder still, they actually believe they can hold the alcohol. They do not realise they become idiot incomprehensible nincompoops with weak bladders after they down a few drinks. And while for some that is their normal state, for many it is a state induced by ALCOHOL - the evil.
And the hangover is persisting til today.
It is very immoral for them to do so and they shoulds be taught a lesson. I advise all moral peoples to teach such disgusting revellers a lesson. Go to your stores sober after New Year's Eve and scoop all the good bargains and leave signs saying HA HA HA GOT HERE BEFORE YOU DRUNK as you buy it. Serves them right and perhaps they will sober up!
Friday, 21 December 2007
The Virgin Mary
It is that time of year - Christmas. And we should reflect on the true meaning of Christmas. And the messages we should gain from it.
There are some who think it is all about Santas and presents. Now that is not true at all. While I is a bit partial to a choccie Santa that is not what you should take away from Christmas as its true meaning. You can eat the choccie Santa and not get any meaning at all. In fact that is how it is most often done.
The Number one most important message you should get is not about the consumerism but about the birth of Jesus Christ.
Now there will be some people who will come up to you and want to go on about the gifts of gold, frankenstein and myrrh. Forget it, that is actually all product placement. Again it is all about presents, though nicely disguised with some wise men and a barn to make the message more holy sounding instead of a drunken uncle at a family get-together or an Office Kris Kringle. That is not what Christmas is mostly about, though it do come in sideways.
The main message is about the Virgin Birth.
That is the most important thing about Christmas.
Mary, she is the most moral of beings. Virginity should be aspired to by all. Not only did Mary keep her pants on tightly up til marriage and birth, but even til AFTER BIRTH. Now that is something women should aspire to though not any has accomplished it since that has been widely recorded.
But if she can, I thinks someone else could try if they set their minds to it hard enough. It would not be easy but definitely a goal worth trying for.
She is an inspiration and a role model for all women.
Think of her this Christmas.
Sunday, 16 December 2007
Prude: How the Sex Obsessed Culture Damages Young Girls
Prude has got some more followers! Peoples who is championing her cause! I is very happy to say, that while it has taken years to do it, it is very well worth the efforts.
I present to you Ms Carol Platt Liebau's book Prude: How the Sex Obsessed Culture Damages Young Girls .
It fight the good fight against promiscuity and sexual aggression. And best of all it pour scorn on disgusting creatures from the garbage dump, Nicole Richie and Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.
And it show pole dancing for what it is, an immoral act. Some people has just been saying "Go pole dancing it is good exercise."
Well it is much better exercise to do penguin dancing and then you is not doing something immoral such as prancing about a giant phallic symbol, is you?
The more Prude Recruits the better, and I is glad to have some more on board! What a nice way to be drawing the year to a close!
I present to you Ms Carol Platt Liebau's book Prude: How the Sex Obsessed Culture Damages Young Girls .
It fight the good fight against promiscuity and sexual aggression. And best of all it pour scorn on disgusting creatures from the garbage dump, Nicole Richie and Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.
And it show pole dancing for what it is, an immoral act. Some people has just been saying "Go pole dancing it is good exercise."
Well it is much better exercise to do penguin dancing and then you is not doing something immoral such as prancing about a giant phallic symbol, is you?
The more Prude Recruits the better, and I is glad to have some more on board! What a nice way to be drawing the year to a close!
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